Anyone who knows E well knows that he's not exactly an "easy" baby. He's happy, charming, and sweet, and sensitive, and beautiful, but not really easy. For my part, my hormones have not exactly allowed me to adapt easily to our new situation either. I'm over the moon about my baby, but fatigue, type A personality and hormone surges knock me on my rear. And just as I was starting to really get my feet under me, full time work came barging in and turned me back on my ear. Add to that the fact that daycare was a very stressful situation at first, and you have a perfect storm of tired, cranky, crazy Barb. (By the way, daycare insisted he had to have colic, or acid reflux or we were just bad parents. Never mind that it was his first full - 12 hr - day in a new situation).
This baby just loves being with people. He loves cuddling and holding. It's definitely not colic because he is just fine at home being loved by Mommy and Daddy. He's also slow to warm up to new situations and new people. He has to know his surroundings to be completely comfortable. I guess that's a little code for he can be screamy if he is out of his element or routine. One of our biggest problems at the moment is that though we follow all the "right" suggestions to putting E down to sleep... waiting until he's sleepy but awake, making sure he sees his surroundings, white noise... I can't remove MYSELF from the situation. I can't lay him down in the crib from afar. Thus, he SEES me. I stay there a while and soothe him back to sleep, but when he wakes up a half an hour later, and I'm no longer there, he cries. This baby's biggest motivation is being held and being with Mom and Dad. Tell me how you fix THAT without stress oh mighty experts.
And it's so great to get to work or see the random person who can detail to me just how Hub and I created a baby who is sensitive and loves extra attention. And in comes some of my biggest annoyances, quite clearly laid out by Jen in this post.
In reality, I very much feel that our parenting style evolved around this baby's personality. If you've followed this blog at all, you see how I've struggled with the decisions we knew were right for us as a family but that we were always told and felt were the wrong thing to do. Co-sleeping is against what I always thought. I never imagined myself a "crunchy" parent, but judging by the nurse's horror at our pediatrician, that's exactly how we've turned out. But it's been guided by this sweetness. I've always had a personality similar to what it seems E has, and I remember vividly how it felt for people to feel they had to use tough love to make me stop being that way. Needless to say, it didn't work. It just created more neuroses and self doubt than I already had. We've noticed that with E, the more comfort and reassurance we give him, the more relaxed and calm he has become. So we are still using a combo of co-sleeping and sleeping away from us when it works, and so far he has been building on his sleeping confidence.
And that's our end goal and our happiness - a contented, loved baby and happy family.
p.s. Can I note that I am so extremely delighted with Hub's support and that he and I are on the exact same page with doing what our hearts tell us to do with this baby? And he's so sensible about it. Couldn't do it without his support. Love you babe.
Monday, March 29, 2010
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5 comments:
Jillian was not an easy baby either...still isn't. But you know sometimes it is the more difficult ones who have the funnest personalities IMO!
You sound like you are doing an awesome job!
Oh Barb, you guys are doing so great. SoBee is 2 now, and she still gets rocked to sleep b/c she loves to snuggle before bed. People have made me feel bad that she is not a self soother and won't go to sleep on her own. It is not in my power to allow her to cry and panic for hours and hours hoping she will eventually wear herself out and go to sleep. That is not the type of parent I am. I love her to the best of my ability, and if the worst thing going on is that she won't fall asleep on her own, I think I'm doing pretty darn well. You just keep doing what's in your heart!
I get crunchier every day.
E is a very nice baby. Personally, I like him. :)
Oh I SO know what you mean about tough love not working on sensitive types.NEVER worked on me either, just hurt my feelings. That really hit home. By the way it sounds like you are doing absolutely as wonderfully as you could possibly be at this point and things only get easier. So happy you are happy with the childcare. Going back to work is hard. It's gut-wrenching. No wonder I only managed it four months. You are doing awesome, really.
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