Thinking of Crowing About Your "Just Relax" advice?

Have you seen the hubbub about the IF/stress link study? Thinking about gloating? Read this (and the comments) first. So well said.

Safety First Complete Air Review

A month or so ago, I managed to get the Safety First Complete Air car seat for $99 at BRU. It had been on my list of possible "good" car seats, but the amazing deal sealed it.

We've been using it for about a week and so far so good! I had heard it was difficult to install, but I didn't find it so. The main issues are to make sure it fits in your car and to be sure you are installing it following the instructions. It fits in both of our cars (Civic and Focus), but surprisingly it fits in the Civic better. It fits best in the middle in the Civic and either the middle or the passenger side in the Focus if the seat is pushed pretty far up. There is a groove on one side of the seat that needs to be aligned with the level ground. Once that is attained, it's pretty simple, (if using the latch system) to push down on the groove in the seat (not the seat itself or you'll mess up the alignment) while pulling on the belt to tighten. The instructions say you can use a swim noodle or rolled up towel to prop the seat while you tighten it to maintain the proper tilt. This confused me until I actually did it. Basically, if you have the flat part of the car seat aligned completely with the backseat of your car, it's not tilted properly. There will be some open air between the seat bottom and the back seat. That's where the swim noodle could go if you need it. Just remember to remove it once the seat is tight. - CORRECTION: You can leave the swim noodle or towel under the seat to give it something to rest on.

I find the belts for restraining baby much easier than in our old infant seat. They also seem more comfortable for E. The seat itself seems very plush, padded, comfy and safe. E reclines in it like he's ready to watch a movie. We worried that the head padding on either side would hinder E's vision and annoy him, but so far he doesn't seem to care. We haven't used the cup holder yet, but I'll let you know how it works when we do. It doesn't seem too sturdy, but since the whole seat is a win, I think we can live with that.

So far the main drawbacks I've found have been how large it is (but since it's convertible and can be rear facing to 40 lbs, I don't mind), and that it is a little trickier to install tightly and properly than an infant base. However, I feel far more comfortable with him in that seat.

Play Date

E had a play date today with the wonderful SoBee from Down But Not Out. They're both finally at the age where they can appreciate one another almost equally. There were lots of hugs and kisses from SoBee and lots of besotted smiling and flirting from E. E even seemed to try to curry favor with SoBee's Dad (despite his strong anti-man stance), probably thinking that if he did, his bid for her hand might not be denied. Ah babies.

A Hub and Baby Story

Not long after E was born, Hub was gazing adoringly at his sweet face. He turned to me and said something to the effect of, "Isn't this amazing? I mean, I was ok if we didn't have kids, but now I'm so glad you really wanted them and kept trying. It's awesome!"

I said, "Mommies are programmed to know that it's going to be awesome sweetie. That way Daddies get to experience it and the human race goes on."

And P.S. Baby says "Mama." Melt.

It's What Your Knockers Are For

I enjoy this video and like that they talk about the strange dynamic of how difficult it is mixed with how awesome it is. I myself am a little bipolar about breast feeding. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it, but I'm always glad I was able to try and do it.

He Speaks

This has been one of the only ways to get him on camera babbling. Of course this is more complaining as he tries to fall asleep, but you get the idea. He did fall asleep a few minutes later too in case you were wondering - no crying. And oh yes, I did jinx us with my previous post. Last night's sleep was terrible as were today's naps. I'm sorry universe okay?? I really mean it this time! I'm really sorry already!



I think I might put up a photo or two of us soon. Just some of my favorites.

Cute Baby Story

E is playing in his bouncer - er... working in his office. Suddenly he stills. Apple is on the floor! What is Apple doing on the FLOOR?! (Apple is large and red with a big smiling face, so clearly he is a friend.) E says, "APPLE, get up here with me RIGHT NOW!"

In baby talk, this is E leaning as far as his body can go, staring at Apple intently and rasping in his Godfather voice, "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhhh!! DA DA DAAAaaahh!!!" over and over. It is a mystery why Apple just never listens.

The end.

Ode to the Mesh Crib Bumper

Mesh crib bumper, oh how I love you. You keep my baby from getting his crazy kicking legs stuck. You keep him from smashing has face against hard wooden slats yet don't present a suffocation risk. You enclose him some which helps him feel safe and cuts down on distractions from sleep. You allow me to sleep next to him in my bed without disturbing him. You provide a fun surface for him to scratch* which also makes it easier for him to sleep. I can say I highly recommend you.

*E has been "scratching" things with his fingernails lately. He often does it as a soothing ritual. It's cute, but weird. Also (in a very small stage whisper) E has been falling asleep on his own in the crib and sleeping there very well most of the night, most of the time. Shhhh. Don't tell anyone.

I Eat My Words

As I get older, I learn more and more about life. I learn more about understanding and compassion. And there are so many things I've said or thought that I wish I could recant. These are a few about pregnancy and parenting.

1. I could never be a stay at home Mom. I will need to work full time.
I still think I'd like to work part time, but I think I could be quite happy with one day a week even. I like to be able to get out, but there are many weekends where at the end of the week I am desperate to stay with my house and baby just one more day. It feels like just when I get into a good Mom groove, I have to go back to work. And though I probably like work just as much as I always did, it feels like nothing now compared to how much I love this child. This was a huge shock to me. I thought I was too antsy to want the homemaker stuff, but I underestimated just how interesting and fun I'd find my home once there was a baby in it.

2. I will never again judge a parent who has to leave work early or call off due to a childcare issue -
not even if it seems excessive. I have no idea what they are dealing with, and it's way more difficult than I ever imagined to juggle childcare and full time work. I realize now more than ever just how full of shit politicians are when they say that we are working toward making families work and being more family centered. At my work, we aren't "allowed" to call in sick for a sick child. Nor do we have personal days to use for a sick child. I really don't know what we are supposed to do. I have no family to watch E, can't send him to daycare and can't ask a coworker to watch a sick baby. Am I just supposed to leave him home to fend for himself? It's all extremely frustrating.

3. I will never again make any comments about breast feeding in public.
I don't even care if the woman is waving her boob around while singing the Hallelujah Chorus as she gets ready. (well - maybe a little snicker at that one) Breast feeding is difficult enough as it is without others being dickwads about it. Much in the same vein as the above comment, I have no idea what that family needs. I, myself, have a baby who hates being covered up and rips off said covers quite easily. I also hate being covered because it's so damn hot. What it meant for me was that I didn't go anywhere for long and often fed in the car. But that's just because I'm so inhibited. I don't feel other women should have to do that. And it's kind of sad that we as a culture have become so unused to the necessary feeding of our children that we find it vulgar. Being a breast feeding Mom, I've found that it really isn't that at all. Your breasts become the body parts that nourish your child. Nothing vulgar about it.

4. I'm going to be the kind of Mom who can still go out and have "fun!"
I still boggle that I ever even thought this. I was a homebody long before I even thought of having a baby, so how that would change with a baby I have no idea. But again, I had no conception of how very fascinating and fun I would find my own child. I don't really want to be away from him. I love his company. As Jen famously (at least to me) said, "I LIKE her. I WANT to be with her." It's probably because I work too, but I very rarely want time away from E. On hour or so, and I'm chomping at the bit to be with his sweetness again.

5. Why can't they just bring the baby with them? We all want to see him/her too!
Oh wow. What an ass hat I was on this one. Lugging a baby around takes all kinds of thought, prep work and energy, not to mention that no one understands just how deathly important the nap schedule is! Something I never even thought about down here is how very hot the back of the car is in the summer and how very long it takes to cool down. Poor E is all sweaty even if we start it well in advance. We hate subjecting him to that.

6. I'm going to be laid back about my baby and parenting.
HA HA HA HA haa haa hmmm. Oh hormones. Oh type A. Oh the shock of my life.

7. I will never take a gift like that (meaning getting to have a baby) for granted.
This one I don't take back. So far I have always felt like it was an incredible gift even during my crazies. In fact I think it contributed to my crazies because of just how desperately I love and need E. Even if we always have just one child, that's ok. I do, however, wish that people understood that post partum depression and/or anxiety have no bearing on the love you have for your child. People at work have judged me, and I have seen them judge another woman who is still struggling with depression in a pretty bad way. I want to tell them she needs their hugs, not their holier than thou judgment. It's so frustrating.

Dear Amazon.Com

I love you. I love your credit card deal that gets us points and rewards with no strings attached. I love your amazing selection of books and everything else in the world. I love your awesome customer service. I love the ease of ordering with you. I love your fun features. I love your prices. I love your free shipping over $25.

In an age of crappy customer service and uncaring behemoths, you are unique.

Thanks a bunch. You make being a Mom much easier.

Sincerely,
Barb

E's Favorite Song

He smiles the minute it starts playing and watches with rapt attention. It's been a life saver.

Has anyone seen "The Duck Song" on You Tube? Funny.

Outlander

I recently finished the book An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon. I loved it. There are lots of series in my tops faves. For example: Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, Twilight, Black Stallion, Little House on the Prairie and Ender's Game. The Outlander series is definitely in my top five though. I just can't get enough of the time traveling, swashbuckling, historical love story craziness of it all! Sometimes I think, "Just let them have an easy time of it for once!" But then it wouldn't be so exciting would it? The ending to this last one is killing me. Now I have to wait YEARS to get my last fix! ARGH. Is anyone else in this boat with me?

Dental Rant

I just came back from the dentist where I was supposed to have 3 cavities filled. I kept feeling the drill on one cavity. It was a shooting pain down through my tooth. I felt it on the other tooth, but not enough to stop him. He didn't quite believe I felt it, so he tried to sneak in the drilling I think after working on the one I didn't feel. I felt it every time even though he gave me the max amount of novacaine. Now it's half done, and I get to go back.

This is never ending as my teeth are too crowded, my enamel is thin, and I have deep grooves. Chalk up more disbelief when dentists don't buy that I floss at LEAST once EVERY SINGLE DAY. Then there's Hub who takes much less interest in his teeth than I do and has minimal problems. There's a reason why I hate going to the dentist and avoid it, thus exacerbating the issue. Sigh

Vaccination Debate

For those who choose to not vaccinate their children, could you please educate me and let me know what your specific concerns are?

And if you could be really specific since I don't think it's fair to compare chicken pox to polio to pertussis. All have different issues. Thanks!

Bereft

It's no secret that having a baby has made me desperately wish for family that lived closer. I had 2 family links here until just recently. It was one of the reasons we chose Florida over a few other states. However, they just left to move far up north. We didn't see them lots, but having them here was a lot of comfort for me. I was looking forward to E having family to see on holidays and having others to give him the kind of undivided attention that we do. I've been feeling lonely and disconnected to begin with. Now that they're gone, it's worse. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy overall. I just want to see E playing with cousins and for us all to get hugs from family members more than once every 6 months. I never thought I'd feel this strongly about it.

Anniversary!

Happy anniversary to the man I chose to spend my life with. We've been through multiple funerals, family losses, moves, visa hurdles, family strife, surgery, over 3 years of fertility treatments, buying a house, the loss of our first, and the glorious though scary and difficult production of our second. Now I couldn't imagine parenting with anyone else. Love you.

For our anniversary, we decided to go to the Cheesecake Factory. It brought back some memories from another time there. We met some wonderful friends there, but this time was decidedly more special. I have to say I'm quite impressed with them. I've always loved their food, but they offered us a complimentary banana and bread plate for E.
The staff was also exceedingly helpful about all things baby. Thank you Cheesecake Factory! We had a beautiful day all around. Now if the heat would just start to abate. I'm not digging the "record highs." Thanks.

Random Speculations and Observations

• "They" say keeping a fan on and turning the temperature down to 68 degrees (yeah. Try that in the summer in any southern state) in your house reduces the risk of SIDS. I've always wondered if that's because the babies are uncomfortable and can't sleep deeply enough to "forget" how to breathe.
• Research supposedly shows that men benefit from being married to women health wise but that women don't share that benefit. Is that because women are the ones trying to keep men healthier and it's just stressing them out?
• Hub and I caught a "Desperate Housewives" in Spanish this morning. No, not just Spanish, a completely alternate Desperate Housewives universe complete with a Hispanic cast and a slightly altered Wisteria Lane. And not only is it the Hispanic version, it's the Hispanic version that mimics the English version word for word and scene for scene. Made us do that cartoon slack jawed head shake.
  

Nephew Vignettes

We now have four nephews. Two of them are not big talkers yet and two of them are getting funny. We haven't talked about them much lately, so here goes...

Nephew #1: My don't like Uncle.
Me: Why??
Nephew #1: Him never come home!!
(after waiting every night excitedly for Hub to come home so he could "pway" with him when they visited, but falling asleep before hand every single time.)

Nephew #1: Grandma, am I handsome enough for school?

Nephew #2: Uncle, are you my fweeend?
Hub: Yes, I'm your friend.
Nephew #2 babbles on about something else.
a few minutes later...
Are you my fweeend?
Hub: Yes sweetie, I'm your friend.
(repeat a few more times)

Anon or Not?

Occasionally I debate going a little less anonymous with my blog. I need to be able to say everything that's on my mind, and I often feel that being anonymous is the only way I can comfortably do that even though I still try to be unhurtful. (Yes, my word.) I also worry a lot about exposing my husband and child to the world at large without filters. However, there are SO many fun things E does, the pets do and that I experience at work that I censor myself from writing. Can I ask for some debate and thoughts on all your experiences of anonymous versus completely open and everything in between? And while you're at it, scroll on down and give me your milk story if you have one as well.

Loves and hugs,
FCiF

BlogHer

Kudos to everyone who went to BlogHer, had a fantastic time and gave us great downloads of the event! Every year I read them and wish I had been there. Something always seems to stand in my way. A few years ago, it was money (in a big way!). Sometimes I can't get those dates off at work. Next it was the pregnancy and the baby. (Yeah, I'm a wimp. But I can't stand to be away from my baby yet.) Now I think it's going to be distance if it is indeed in San Diego next year. I will be keeping it on my radar though. Now if I could only convince you all how fabulous Florida would be as a conference destination...

Letters to Babybutt

Dear E,

Did you know that you are completely amazing? We thought we'd be "training" you, but you really seem to train us more. You let us know when you're ready for new things and you just DO it! And watching you develop is one of the coolest things I've ever done.

Love ya,
M

The Milk Story

As I mentioned briefly before, I'm losing my milk. I can only guess at what brought about this turn of events, but I imagine it's a combination of the fact that he no longer nurses at night, he only nurses 2-3 oz every 3 hours from me, he's into solids, I'm pumping at work and maybe the hot weather. He shows a lot less interest in nursing too. He only really settles down to it if he's very tired or upset. Even then a bottle will usually do just as well.

A lot of my friends have expressed their concern about my upset over it - except that I'm not really upset. I've read that some women need to get up to pump in the middle of the night to maintain their supply when baby starts sleeping for long stretches. I'm not doing that. If I get to sleep, I'm sleeping. I also know that I could increase my supply through diligent pumping. I'm not doing that either. I know me, and I'm not starting an obsession with maintaining milk. I want to enjoy the baby more. I'm a little sad about the loss of this bonding and the loss of such a fascinating, amazing function my body performs for the baby. However, I've gotten 7 good months in and will probably be able to continue for a bit more. (Not so bad right?) My main worry was that I would have to try to wean E, and that it would be traumatic for him. He seems fine. That eases me so much. It also eases me that we have so many other ways to bond now. When he was tiny, breast feeding was really our main connection in that way. E was so on edge all the time that his meal times were some of our only peaceful moments. Now we laugh together, hold hands, cuddle, kiss, hug, squeal and he babbles, "mum mum mum!" His eyes light up when he sees me. He shivers in delight when I touch him. How could I be sad?

All that said, I'm also quite happy about reducing my pumping times at work. It always frustrates me when I see articles about how few women breast feed exclusively to such and such an age. They make it sound horrible, and usually tout lack of education. I agree that education has something to do with it, but so do medical issues and the fact of our society - that many moms need to work. If I didn't work, there would be no health care. It's an unfortunate fact. But work hurts breast feeding in a big way in my opinion. I'm not going to go into that rant here, but I'd really like it if working moms had more options in the U.S. to be able to spend more time with baby or integrate more slowly back into the work force. Done.

You know what else I won't miss? Thrush, painful bites that linger, thrush, giant boobs, and thrush that makes me write in pain at night. And oh what else? Oh yeah.. thrush.

What will I miss? I will miss watching his little peaceful face as I provide sustenance and he falls asleep at the breast. But I do get much of that with the bottle as well. I will miss the convenience of breast feeding (once it was established and easier.) I will miss the economic and environmental pluses. I will miss the absolute amazement at what my body could do. I will miss being the main provider of his sustenance.

But I'm ready to share. I'm ready to have a little bit more freedom to be apart from the baby. I don't usually want that time apart, but it's nice to have that little piece of me as an option again. As I said to Hub tonight, during the last month, I've finally started to find ME again. I love it. I love who I've become. I love being a Mom. I'm OK.


Note: Other Moms please share bfing loss experiences. I'm especially interested in stores from moms who breast fed but also worked and pumped. I wonder if my body is unusual or the norm. I don't know any Moms like me in real life I think.

Letters to BB (7 mos)

Dear E,

You have now been on the Outside with us for 7 wonderful months. OK, the first few months were a little tense, but still wonderful for all that. Do you know I thank God for you every single day? Sometimes it's even every hour - even when you're waking up at night... again.

You amaze us with everything you do. You're so bright, charming and sweet. You give kisses by the 100's. I still get a thrill every time you reach for my cheeks with your chubby little hands and an open maw. You like to twirl your fingers in mommy's hair and hardly ever pull.

Your favorites of the moment? Bananas, applesauce, sweet potatoes, cords, keyboards, glasses and bottles (from which you mimic drinking), hugs and kisses as always, monkey, eeyore, sitting up like a big boy, rolling, gibbering, squealing (loudly), water in any form (you should see your face light up when you know it's tub time), other kids and babies, words (jeopardy is HEAVEN, and you even read tags for Pete's sake) and bouncing.

And now you're awake and it's time to play!

Love,
M

Dear Universe,

I know. What was I thinking bragging about my baby's new sleep habits? I will now pay the penance of every few hour wake-ups thank you. But if I promise never to do it again, will you have mercy on me?

Thanks.

A hopeful FCiF

Bad Blogger

A hundred posts in my head, but completely distracted. Baby is eating food. My mommy just left. (Boo). I get lots of love from him. Milk is trying to decide if it wants to stay around. Mixed feelings about that. He is almost 7 mos and might understand that "Mum mum" applies to me. I will be writing him his letter soon.