Now all of this is really starting to fuzz up in my brain and the fun parts of motherhood are starting to really make it harder to write a post about what was so difficult in the beginning. However, I really want to remember this so that I continue to have empathy for others and so that I have a record of what actually happened, so I'm going to try. Since I'm not feeling it, it's certainly not going to be my best post ever, but oh well.
Right after E was born is a blur. There were a lot of people in and out. There was a lot of noise. There was a lot of what I felt was unnecessary waking of the Mommy. There was also a lot of blubbering by both of us every time we looked at what we thought was the most beautiful face either of us had ever been granted the privilege of seeing. Good Lord, how to explain the coursing surges of emotion after a baby? How to explain the frightening intensity of the need to love, nurture and protect this sweet little life? It just can't be done. Everyone tells you you just can't know. And you can't. No way. There's no way you can really be prepared for how much you'll love your child. Oh. My. God. I think it was that very intensity that was somewhat my undoing.
We didn't get back to the room (and back to E) that night until around midnight when I learned how to feed him, and we went to bed. Sometime in the wee hours, I remember waking up to try to comfort a crying E (Hub was conked) and falling asleep with him in my arms. God bless the nurse who came in and offered to take him to the nursery. I was so tired I had nearly dropped him.
At around 6am, I awoke, feeling as if I was being watched. I opened my eyes and there above me loomed a stocky man. He stood still as I tried to gather my wits. Finally, in the hazy darkness the shape became familiar. It was FavoriteOB! I blurted his name and sat up for a hug. "Hi sweetheart!" he said. "You had a rough time of it! How are we feeling? How's everything down there?" I jibbered something about being proud of myself and that I had no idea what was going on down there because I was afraid to look. It had felt like everything came out with the baby. He took a quick look and told me he would be prescribing a bunch of soothing and pain relief things for me and, "Don't be afraid or too proud to take them young lady!" Then he shook Hub's hand and told him, "Congrats Buddy!" He said, "Where's our angel?" (He called E "our angel" from the minute of conception.) I told him and he said, "That's where I'm headed next!" He was on his way to the office and had stopped by the hospital (OFF DUTY) specifically to see me and the baby. And people wonder why I am so devoted to this man. If we move, I am kidnapping him and taking him with me. When I saw him later, he would exclaim that E was "Beautiful! Obviously so smart! Look at how alert he is!" and that (in a conspiratorial whisper), "I feel that Eurasian people are some of the most beautiful people in the world. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!" haha. Things that sound like they might be offensive never are coming from him.
My joyful meeting was soon to be replaced with my most hated nurse of my visit. Her name was Veeta. I say her name simply because she was so awful to me that she's the one human I don't feel the need to protect in the slightest on this blog. E was having trouble staying latched. I asked for a lactation consultant around 7am. I was panicking a little since we had such a lag time for his first nursing and he went to the nursery in the evening. She said, "You don't need a lactation consultant. It's not important until after 24 hours when your milk comes in." She apparently didn't care about colostrum or crying, hungry babies. She told me other mothers were "more important" than I was since I was still so new. She said, "Go to the nursing class being offered at 8:30." I told her I was very sore and stiff and didn't feel I could go. Besides, I had TAKEN the class beforehand. I needed physical instruction with my baby. She said, "Well you aren't intending on staying in that bed ALL DAY are you? You can't just lie there! You need to get up and move around!" This is at 7am. After a 26 hour labor. After getting into my room at midnight. To a hormonal, painful, emotional woman. She left, and I cried.
Then E had his circumcision. Many things went into our decision to do it, but it was not an easy decision in the slightest. When he came back, we cried. She caught me and asked if I was sick. Then she said that if I was crying about the LC, she did put me on the list after all. I told her to leave me alone.
They told me E would sleep for about 8 hours after the procedure and that it would be ok if I couldn't awaken him to eat. She came in and badgered me every half hour or so and said that he HAD to eat and I HAD to wake him. I just wasn't trying hard enough. I cried again until the pediatrics nurse reassured me. I was secretly sure I wasn't doing a good job as a Mommy. Veeta made sure to help that feeling along.
There were other hateful things she did and said, but she didn't last long thank God. The lactation consultants were absolute angels. The other nurses all did their very best, and the doctors were lovely. I, however, was in a lot of pain (torn backwards and up into my urethra, plus my muscles all felt as if I had been in a wrestling match with a giant), very anxious and wanted to go home and have loved ones around me so badly. We had two visitors afterward, but Mom wasn't coming until later due to snow (and yes, there was sleet and freezing here when E was born), and we really didn't have any other contact besides the two visitors until then. It was hard for this needy girl.
Since big city hospital was so busy, though we had been promised a discharge in the AM, we weren't actually discharged until 11:30pm. I got so excited I started running around, getting things together. They took my blood pressure (which HAD been fine) one last time before I left, and it was 145/95. Uh oh. "Calm down." they said. "Lie still for a while." The nurses gave each other a look that said, "We may have to readmit her." I gave them a look that said, "Over my dead body."
After a lot of calming breaths and complete stillness, it came down to a level acceptable enough that they could discharge me, though it was still elevated. Though my blood pressure is usually on the low end, it had been running high when I was exhausted in later pregnancy.
We came home. E screamed about the changes. I had difficulty getting to sleep. He snuggled on my shoulder finally. E was also jaundiced, so we had an appointment to see his Ped (the evil one) at 8:30 am. During the next week, he had two more blood draws to check his bilirubin levels, and I began to feel really awful. My blood pressure started to skyrocket again. I had 3 emergency room visits on doctor's orders - each lasting at least 7 hours - before I realized that they were going to do the same tests each time, and that they came up mostly clear each time before they'd send me home again. So even though at one point my blood pressure was at 160/115, I stopped going. I just rested as much as possible, tried to calm myself as much as possible, and waited it out. I was very very afraid though. And just so you know? That pressure you feel just under your chest wall like something heavy pushing outward? It's your milk coming in. You're not having a heart attack. Forgive me my naivete since I was dealing with a bit much at the time.
Even after the blood pressure craziness, E's frequent, shrill, desperate screams had me on a razor's edge all the time. We spent a lot of time holding him on our chests while the other parent would sleep. And it was this desperation that eventually led to our (mostly) co-sleeping situation. We just couldn't do the change off thing indefinitely. Hub had to go back to work after a week, and we were just too exhausted. There was no one else. At one point, I awoke from a complete dead sleep to race out to the living room in order to check if E was breathing... as his Daddy held him. It was a crazy time.
Happily, my blood pressure came down on its own. Doctors tell me that just happens sometimes even without preeclampsia. I definitely had a lot more water retention than I thought because my puffy face that I had attributed to weight gain got thinner in days. Even though those first weeks were the hardest ever in my life, they were also among the most amazing. E taught and still teaches me so much every single day. I've learned to be so much more empathetic, understanding and open. I've learned how to really love and care for another human. He taught me that I can't control everything, and he's given me so much joy.
We must not be doing so badly with him because he's starting to sleep better without me. He falls asleep on his own a lot of times and often puts himself back to sleep when he wakes up (teething barred.) He's much more chill and open to new situations and new people. And this kid seems to LOVE being loved, being happy and sleeping in. He's a blessing for sure.
The End (of this part of the story. ;-)
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Friday, June 11, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
E is Born Part 4
I forgot to mention in the previous post that the epidural made my skin itch all over.. an itch you could not relieve. I had no idea it could cause that. Weird huh?
All right, so pushing... By this time, a few family members had come thinking they'd get to see this baby, but had been disappointed time and time again. I can't tell you the relief and joy I felt when I saw my Grandmother walk through the door a few times. During the pushing though, that was all Hub, and he was friggin amazing.
E's heart rate continued to cause us some worry, though it had evened out after they added more "water" so that he wasn't under such stress during the contractions. Man, I think about the sweet baby I now know in that position, and it just breaks my heart even though I know it's normal baby delivering stuff. They eventually hooked him up to the internal monitor that goes just beneath their scalp. He had the scab from that for a long time.
By this time I had two new nurses. One was an ok sort. The other had to be new or something. She gossiped about Aubrey and half the other hospital with the first nurse while I was trying to move E's head. (his BIG head). She was also horrible, horrible at coaching. The things she told me during labor:
-That's not good enough! Push harder! (repeatedly - no encouragement. I finally looked at
Hub and said, I need POSITIVE reinforcement or I feel like I can't do this. I meant that for
HER, and she finally stopped so much)
-Your epi isn't wearing off. If it was, you'd be screaming more.
-Don't you throw up on me! (while I dry heaved on all fours, hot from fever)
-It's like an ice box in here! I'm so cold! (after turning down the ac b/c of my fever.)
And..
-Yes you can honey!!! (when I said, "I can do it!" because I wanted her to stop pushing my
hip, which hurt, when they wanted me to sway. I glared as hard as I could glare.)
But luckily, I got the nurse midwife from Heaven maybe 45 minutes into the pushing? Time has no meaning. To me, it was my own little village of pain. The pain was incredible. Tearing. Pulsing. Sharp. Dull. All of that wrapped up into my writhing self. Honestly, if it had just been the contractions on the front, and the pain in my birth canal, I think I could have handled it better. The back pain is what slayed me. Although I have to say that the pain from trying to move that big head was not inconsiderable.
But I digress. The nurse midwife found much more effective ways for me to push, AND I think she got rid of chatty Cathy. The other nurse was much better once newbie was gone. The previous two nurses had kept trying to have me lie on my back, hold my own legs, curl around my own belly and push that way. It just wasn't working. He was really lodged in there, and I couldn't get enough purchase through my back pain and using my own body to move him down. When I told the nurses this, the better one said, "Purchase?? What do you mean by that? Like at a STORE?" So I had to give her a vocab lesson while pushing. Also note that before Nurse Midwife, Hub had to get their attention for me when a contraction was coming. Gee. Thanks for all the attentiveness ladies. I wanted to ask them if they'd like to switch places.
Nurse Midwife though; she was beyond. She gave me positions I could really dig into. We used the rod with the towel wrapped around it, a side lying position, up on all fours and more. At one point she even gave me HER OWN ARM to pull on, and that woman didn't budge! I said to her, "You are strong!" She said with a chuckle, "I grew up with lots of brothers."
They did ask me if I'd like to see E's hair at one point to give me oomph. I agreed. I can't explain what that was like. He had (and has) lots of dark hair. I was in love and couldn't focus on it all at the same time. By the time I was on all fours, I had been pushing for hours. My gown was falling off me, and dear sweet Hub kept trying to cover me back up, but I was so drenched in sweat, that I didn't give a shit. At this point, they informed me that new mommies are only allowed to push for 3 hours max. I had no idea, but it had been more than 2 hours of pushing at this point.
Finally, after 2 and a half hours, and lots of the nurse midwife trying to "stretch my membranes" so I wouldn't tear, she asked if she could do an episiotomy. She apologized profusely, but assured me it was going to be better with the size of his head. She was one of those people I met that I just knew had it under control, so I agreed. I didn't feel that at all, but I sure felt his head move down and out. It felt like ripping. And it was (up through my urethra). It felt like his head was grinding down my tail bone. And it was. After his head was out, the rest of his body just slipped out easily, though I still feel what it was like to have those arm and leg bones push out of my body every time I see him. They lie. I will not forget that. I had also been told that the afterbirth was hard. It was a breeze compared to the birth. And the nurse midwife showed us where the baby was in it and what it looked like. Very cool. He was born at 9:26pm on January 4th, my beloved maternal Grandma's birthday. My own birthday is on her father's - my great grandfather.
He did not cry. He fussed a little. This was concerning. I huffed dry, breathy sobs as they declared his weight of 7 lbs, 7.8 oz and his length of 20.5 inches. Many photos were taken as they talked about how he had a fever and wasn't thriving, so he had to be taken to "transition." I got to see him a total of a few minutes. Gone was my dream of breast feeding immediately, cuddling and showing him off. Hub went with him right after we decided on his name. He said it was scary to see him kicking feebly and hooked up to lots of wires. It's such a relief to go check on him quietly napping as I type this. My beautiful baby. My poor relatives waited all that time and only got to see me, not the baby.
As this was happening, I was being stitched up, and later, helped to relieve my poor full bladder. It's a testament to what you go through that I did not feel even an iota self conscious while the poor nurse helped me. She kept apologizing for my lack of privacy. I told her I did not care.
They kept saying I'd be able to go by the nursery and see E, but it never happened. As beautiful and progressive as the hospital is, it's way understaffed and way overworked. We never got our dinner until midnight and didn't see E again until 12:30am, when my heart overflowed with love even as I longed for sleep.
I have one more part to go.. the aftermath, then I'm finished. :)
All right, so pushing... By this time, a few family members had come thinking they'd get to see this baby, but had been disappointed time and time again. I can't tell you the relief and joy I felt when I saw my Grandmother walk through the door a few times. During the pushing though, that was all Hub, and he was friggin amazing.
E's heart rate continued to cause us some worry, though it had evened out after they added more "water" so that he wasn't under such stress during the contractions. Man, I think about the sweet baby I now know in that position, and it just breaks my heart even though I know it's normal baby delivering stuff. They eventually hooked him up to the internal monitor that goes just beneath their scalp. He had the scab from that for a long time.
By this time I had two new nurses. One was an ok sort. The other had to be new or something. She gossiped about Aubrey and half the other hospital with the first nurse while I was trying to move E's head. (his BIG head). She was also horrible, horrible at coaching. The things she told me during labor:
-That's not good enough! Push harder! (repeatedly - no encouragement. I finally looked at
Hub and said, I need POSITIVE reinforcement or I feel like I can't do this. I meant that for
HER, and she finally stopped so much)
-Your epi isn't wearing off. If it was, you'd be screaming more.
-Don't you throw up on me! (while I dry heaved on all fours, hot from fever)
-It's like an ice box in here! I'm so cold! (after turning down the ac b/c of my fever.)
And..
-Yes you can honey!!! (when I said, "I can do it!" because I wanted her to stop pushing my
hip, which hurt, when they wanted me to sway. I glared as hard as I could glare.)
But luckily, I got the nurse midwife from Heaven maybe 45 minutes into the pushing? Time has no meaning. To me, it was my own little village of pain. The pain was incredible. Tearing. Pulsing. Sharp. Dull. All of that wrapped up into my writhing self. Honestly, if it had just been the contractions on the front, and the pain in my birth canal, I think I could have handled it better. The back pain is what slayed me. Although I have to say that the pain from trying to move that big head was not inconsiderable.
But I digress. The nurse midwife found much more effective ways for me to push, AND I think she got rid of chatty Cathy. The other nurse was much better once newbie was gone. The previous two nurses had kept trying to have me lie on my back, hold my own legs, curl around my own belly and push that way. It just wasn't working. He was really lodged in there, and I couldn't get enough purchase through my back pain and using my own body to move him down. When I told the nurses this, the better one said, "Purchase?? What do you mean by that? Like at a STORE?" So I had to give her a vocab lesson while pushing. Also note that before Nurse Midwife, Hub had to get their attention for me when a contraction was coming. Gee. Thanks for all the attentiveness ladies. I wanted to ask them if they'd like to switch places.
Nurse Midwife though; she was beyond. She gave me positions I could really dig into. We used the rod with the towel wrapped around it, a side lying position, up on all fours and more. At one point she even gave me HER OWN ARM to pull on, and that woman didn't budge! I said to her, "You are strong!" She said with a chuckle, "I grew up with lots of brothers."
They did ask me if I'd like to see E's hair at one point to give me oomph. I agreed. I can't explain what that was like. He had (and has) lots of dark hair. I was in love and couldn't focus on it all at the same time. By the time I was on all fours, I had been pushing for hours. My gown was falling off me, and dear sweet Hub kept trying to cover me back up, but I was so drenched in sweat, that I didn't give a shit. At this point, they informed me that new mommies are only allowed to push for 3 hours max. I had no idea, but it had been more than 2 hours of pushing at this point.
Finally, after 2 and a half hours, and lots of the nurse midwife trying to "stretch my membranes" so I wouldn't tear, she asked if she could do an episiotomy. She apologized profusely, but assured me it was going to be better with the size of his head. She was one of those people I met that I just knew had it under control, so I agreed. I didn't feel that at all, but I sure felt his head move down and out. It felt like ripping. And it was (up through my urethra). It felt like his head was grinding down my tail bone. And it was. After his head was out, the rest of his body just slipped out easily, though I still feel what it was like to have those arm and leg bones push out of my body every time I see him. They lie. I will not forget that. I had also been told that the afterbirth was hard. It was a breeze compared to the birth. And the nurse midwife showed us where the baby was in it and what it looked like. Very cool. He was born at 9:26pm on January 4th, my beloved maternal Grandma's birthday. My own birthday is on her father's - my great grandfather.
He did not cry. He fussed a little. This was concerning. I huffed dry, breathy sobs as they declared his weight of 7 lbs, 7.8 oz and his length of 20.5 inches. Many photos were taken as they talked about how he had a fever and wasn't thriving, so he had to be taken to "transition." I got to see him a total of a few minutes. Gone was my dream of breast feeding immediately, cuddling and showing him off. Hub went with him right after we decided on his name. He said it was scary to see him kicking feebly and hooked up to lots of wires. It's such a relief to go check on him quietly napping as I type this. My beautiful baby. My poor relatives waited all that time and only got to see me, not the baby.
As this was happening, I was being stitched up, and later, helped to relieve my poor full bladder. It's a testament to what you go through that I did not feel even an iota self conscious while the poor nurse helped me. She kept apologizing for my lack of privacy. I told her I did not care.
They kept saying I'd be able to go by the nursery and see E, but it never happened. As beautiful and progressive as the hospital is, it's way understaffed and way overworked. We never got our dinner until midnight and didn't see E again until 12:30am, when my heart overflowed with love even as I longed for sleep.
I have one more part to go.. the aftermath, then I'm finished. :)
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
E is Born Part 3
Why so many parts you may ask? Well, it's because I would like to remember it all. It's already getting hazy, so I have to get on this more...
So up we go to labor and delivery. I no longer remember any time schedule, and to tell you the truth, I don't even know if I was aware of the time then. There were so many things to occupy my already struggling brain. I know I lay in that bed from darkness to light to darkness again.
My first nurse was very nice. She brought an anesthesiologist in, and we discussed whether I would be having an epidural or not. E's heart rate kept stuttering during contractions, so they said they wanted me hooked up to the monitors at all times. I didn't necessarily agree, but I'm not a medical professional and was worried about my baby. The only way I was going to try to labor without drugs was if I could move through it. Since I was dilating so slowly and wouldn't be able to do that, I decided on an epidural. I was also afraid since I had been having high blood pressure incidents when exhausted during pregnant, that the same thing would happen during labor if I didn't get some rest. And the contractions were painful enough that I was not going to rest. In fact, I had started to feel them in my back. I had dreaded the possibility of "back labor," so when they suggested that may be it, I completely denied that was possible.
The anesthesiologist that gave me the epi was so sweet. She sounded a lot like my Filipino mother-in-law, and that was comforting at such an uncertain time. However, the process itself was not painless (for me) as I had been told. The pressure itself was extremely uncomfortable to me. On top of that, the lidocaine must not have been quite right because I felt a sharp jab when she was inserting the catheter. I jumped and caused both Hub and I to worry about paralyzing myself. Nice. I also rubbed that poor nurse's arm raw in my anxiety.
But once it started working? Ooooh blessed relief. I could move my legs and feel them some, but nothing hurt; the perfect epidural they told me. The best thing about it? I could no longer feel the cervix checks. It was about this time that my favorite nurse of my stay came in - Aubrey. She brought me the most delicious grape juice I ever tasted, gave me oxygen, and broke it to me that since I was still only 5 cm dilated, that we'd have to talk Pitocin. We were also going to need to start thinking about IV antibiotics since my water broke so early. (2 more dreadeds - coming true!) All through this time my most darling FavoriteOB (not on call :( ) was calling to check on me and relay messages of support through Aubrey. Have I ever mentioned how I adore that man? And from the sound of it, so does the rest of that hospital.
Anyway, we went ahead with both treatments, and Hub and I plugged in earphones and got some sleep. We went on a Pitocin yo-yo ride from then on. I'd progress rapidly. They'd back it off. Then I'd stall. At one point, we were sure we'd have a baby by 2pm, then by 5pm, then we stopped guessing. Sadly, Aubrey's shift ended, I got a second dose of antibiotics and got a little lost in the shuffle. I started to feel more pain - then a little more. I pushed my "extra dose" button for the first time in over 20 hours. I told the random nurses who were covering the gap. They didn't believe me. I longed for Aubrey.
Finally I was assigned 2 more nurses. I assume one was learning as she seemed hopelessly clueless. An equally green anesthesiologist came in and - how surprising!! - noted that there was no more medicine in the epi bag! Shocking that the patient has a clue! Too bad she took the time to chat with the nurses before refilling my bag. By that time, I was feeling almost everything.
The 2 nurses who came in spent a lot of time gossiping about Aubrey and anyone else they could think of as if labor causes one to become deaf. They paid little attention... so little in fact that they often didn't hear me when I told them a contraction was coming and Hub had to call for them. But I'm getting ahead of myself. They checked me and by this time I was 9.5 cm dilated. (you need to get to 10.) There was a little lip of cervix covering his head that just wouldn't move, so they tried to get me to move to all kinds of positions to work it out. It took hours. My grandmother was there to see me, but waited and waited and waited.
There was no doubt that I was in back labor and that he was probably face up by this time. Finally, we found a position that moved the cervix and it was time to push at around 7pm. I was exhausted.
I think one more part about labor, and then one about the aftermath, and I'll be done. Shooting for finishing in under a month. haha.
So up we go to labor and delivery. I no longer remember any time schedule, and to tell you the truth, I don't even know if I was aware of the time then. There were so many things to occupy my already struggling brain. I know I lay in that bed from darkness to light to darkness again.
My first nurse was very nice. She brought an anesthesiologist in, and we discussed whether I would be having an epidural or not. E's heart rate kept stuttering during contractions, so they said they wanted me hooked up to the monitors at all times. I didn't necessarily agree, but I'm not a medical professional and was worried about my baby. The only way I was going to try to labor without drugs was if I could move through it. Since I was dilating so slowly and wouldn't be able to do that, I decided on an epidural. I was also afraid since I had been having high blood pressure incidents when exhausted during pregnant, that the same thing would happen during labor if I didn't get some rest. And the contractions were painful enough that I was not going to rest. In fact, I had started to feel them in my back. I had dreaded the possibility of "back labor," so when they suggested that may be it, I completely denied that was possible.
The anesthesiologist that gave me the epi was so sweet. She sounded a lot like my Filipino mother-in-law, and that was comforting at such an uncertain time. However, the process itself was not painless (for me) as I had been told. The pressure itself was extremely uncomfortable to me. On top of that, the lidocaine must not have been quite right because I felt a sharp jab when she was inserting the catheter. I jumped and caused both Hub and I to worry about paralyzing myself. Nice. I also rubbed that poor nurse's arm raw in my anxiety.
But once it started working? Ooooh blessed relief. I could move my legs and feel them some, but nothing hurt; the perfect epidural they told me. The best thing about it? I could no longer feel the cervix checks. It was about this time that my favorite nurse of my stay came in - Aubrey. She brought me the most delicious grape juice I ever tasted, gave me oxygen, and broke it to me that since I was still only 5 cm dilated, that we'd have to talk Pitocin. We were also going to need to start thinking about IV antibiotics since my water broke so early. (2 more dreadeds - coming true!) All through this time my most darling FavoriteOB (not on call :( ) was calling to check on me and relay messages of support through Aubrey. Have I ever mentioned how I adore that man? And from the sound of it, so does the rest of that hospital.
Anyway, we went ahead with both treatments, and Hub and I plugged in earphones and got some sleep. We went on a Pitocin yo-yo ride from then on. I'd progress rapidly. They'd back it off. Then I'd stall. At one point, we were sure we'd have a baby by 2pm, then by 5pm, then we stopped guessing. Sadly, Aubrey's shift ended, I got a second dose of antibiotics and got a little lost in the shuffle. I started to feel more pain - then a little more. I pushed my "extra dose" button for the first time in over 20 hours. I told the random nurses who were covering the gap. They didn't believe me. I longed for Aubrey.
Finally I was assigned 2 more nurses. I assume one was learning as she seemed hopelessly clueless. An equally green anesthesiologist came in and - how surprising!! - noted that there was no more medicine in the epi bag! Shocking that the patient has a clue! Too bad she took the time to chat with the nurses before refilling my bag. By that time, I was feeling almost everything.
The 2 nurses who came in spent a lot of time gossiping about Aubrey and anyone else they could think of as if labor causes one to become deaf. They paid little attention... so little in fact that they often didn't hear me when I told them a contraction was coming and Hub had to call for them. But I'm getting ahead of myself. They checked me and by this time I was 9.5 cm dilated. (you need to get to 10.) There was a little lip of cervix covering his head that just wouldn't move, so they tried to get me to move to all kinds of positions to work it out. It took hours. My grandmother was there to see me, but waited and waited and waited.
There was no doubt that I was in back labor and that he was probably face up by this time. Finally, we found a position that moved the cervix and it was time to push at around 7pm. I was exhausted.
I think one more part about labor, and then one about the aftermath, and I'll be done. Shooting for finishing in under a month. haha.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
E is Born Part 2
So by the time I was called back to be monitored in triage, it was approximately midnight on January 4th. Contractions were manageable but definitely limiting. I was waiting in line for the bathroom to leave my urine sample when I felt a suspicious gush of fluid. (Kudos to Hub for urging me to wear a big pad! Sometimes boys are very smart.) I told the nurse (who didn't seem to care), "Uh oh! I think my water broke!" And here's where I start to tell you that it is true about the late shift people being shittier than the day time people. They told me they picked their shifts based on seniority. You could tell for the most part.
Anyway, when I got in to the bathroom and sat down there was a giant splash instead of a little tinkle if you know what I mean. I looked down and saw my mucous plug, a little blood and a lot of fluid. I even muttered to myself, "How cool! It's textbook water breaking!"
I told the nurse when I left, and she assured me they'd check to be sure my water had indeed broken. (yeah, because it's so hard to mistake) I could tell she was not so experienced (no she is not ShitNurse), and was praying she wouldn't be checking my cervix... but she did. She never even found it. It felt like someone was digging into my vaginal canal with a very blunt pick axe randomly and blindly. These checks were easily some of the most painful parts of my birth experience. She did take a sample for those stupid paper tests to see if I had any amniotic fluid. (Again because I am dumb), and declared that it was negative. I had been told many times that those tests are very unreliable, but they assured me they'd have the doctor look at it on a slide. Sometimes science is a little too much fact, not enough, "DUH it's right in front of your face!" ya know?
But the doctor never got around to it, and they continued to assure me my water had not broken even as I soaked towels that Hub had to help me change since I was hooked up to monitors and even though E's heart rate started to stutter with each contraction. That's when the battle axe walked in. Ta Da! ShitNurse #1! She had very little interest in our well being and would leave us alone for an hour at a time. I kept telling her my water broke, and she kept ignoring me. I also felt E move frantically and paged them to tell them as I had read this was not a good sign. She came in, looked annoyed and said, "He's fine. Just moving." Yeah.. moving FRANTICALLY. It was very different and happened right after I lost more fluid.
In the meantime I got someone who really knew what she was doing to check me (Thank GOD), since everyone else had so much trouble with my cervix, and it was getting very painful. I should have appealed to her for help but didn't. Afterwards, ShitNurse#1 came in, and I told her one more time that it had to be fluid. She told me we were waiting on a u/s tech who was in another area to come back to check the baby. I told her I was sure. She got directly in my face and said, "And how do you KNOW it's not urine?" in a really rude tone. Exasperated, frustrated, tired and upset, I practically wailed, "Because they are TWO DIFFERENT HOLES! And it feels completely different!" Besides, if there is blood and mucous in anyone's urine, there's something to be REALLY worried about. She huffed out, still not believing me. She also suggested that it was probably just discharge. Yeah... and we all walk around with diapers on because of our discharge.
When the time finally came to go to the u/s (after about 5 hours), another nice lady came in and started bagging up my stuff to be admitted. ShitNurse#1 said, "What are you doing?? She's not being admitted yet! We don't know yet!" You could tell the nice nurse did not think much of this or her and left the things she'd already bagged where they were.
Sure enough, when we got to the u/s, the tech could only find one 1cm pocket of fluid around poor E. I had said to her, "If it's not fluid, what in the world could it BE?" She seemed very apologetic as she told me that it was indeed fluid and that the other nurse should have believed me. I felt very vindicated.
FINALLY, I was off to have a baby! Too bad it wasn't to go any more quickly up at Labor and Delivery...
Anyway, when I got in to the bathroom and sat down there was a giant splash instead of a little tinkle if you know what I mean. I looked down and saw my mucous plug, a little blood and a lot of fluid. I even muttered to myself, "How cool! It's textbook water breaking!"
I told the nurse when I left, and she assured me they'd check to be sure my water had indeed broken. (yeah, because it's so hard to mistake) I could tell she was not so experienced (no she is not ShitNurse), and was praying she wouldn't be checking my cervix... but she did. She never even found it. It felt like someone was digging into my vaginal canal with a very blunt pick axe randomly and blindly. These checks were easily some of the most painful parts of my birth experience. She did take a sample for those stupid paper tests to see if I had any amniotic fluid. (Again because I am dumb), and declared that it was negative. I had been told many times that those tests are very unreliable, but they assured me they'd have the doctor look at it on a slide. Sometimes science is a little too much fact, not enough, "DUH it's right in front of your face!" ya know?
But the doctor never got around to it, and they continued to assure me my water had not broken even as I soaked towels that Hub had to help me change since I was hooked up to monitors and even though E's heart rate started to stutter with each contraction. That's when the battle axe walked in. Ta Da! ShitNurse #1! She had very little interest in our well being and would leave us alone for an hour at a time. I kept telling her my water broke, and she kept ignoring me. I also felt E move frantically and paged them to tell them as I had read this was not a good sign. She came in, looked annoyed and said, "He's fine. Just moving." Yeah.. moving FRANTICALLY. It was very different and happened right after I lost more fluid.
In the meantime I got someone who really knew what she was doing to check me (Thank GOD), since everyone else had so much trouble with my cervix, and it was getting very painful. I should have appealed to her for help but didn't. Afterwards, ShitNurse#1 came in, and I told her one more time that it had to be fluid. She told me we were waiting on a u/s tech who was in another area to come back to check the baby. I told her I was sure. She got directly in my face and said, "And how do you KNOW it's not urine?" in a really rude tone. Exasperated, frustrated, tired and upset, I practically wailed, "Because they are TWO DIFFERENT HOLES! And it feels completely different!" Besides, if there is blood and mucous in anyone's urine, there's something to be REALLY worried about. She huffed out, still not believing me. She also suggested that it was probably just discharge. Yeah... and we all walk around with diapers on because of our discharge.
When the time finally came to go to the u/s (after about 5 hours), another nice lady came in and started bagging up my stuff to be admitted. ShitNurse#1 said, "What are you doing?? She's not being admitted yet! We don't know yet!" You could tell the nice nurse did not think much of this or her and left the things she'd already bagged where they were.
Sure enough, when we got to the u/s, the tech could only find one 1cm pocket of fluid around poor E. I had said to her, "If it's not fluid, what in the world could it BE?" She seemed very apologetic as she told me that it was indeed fluid and that the other nurse should have believed me. I felt very vindicated.
FINALLY, I was off to have a baby! Too bad it wasn't to go any more quickly up at Labor and Delivery...
Friday, January 15, 2010
E is Born Part One
Like most new moms, I have limited time and much desire for sleep, so this story will be told in parts. Plus, that way it won't drive you crazy with its verbosity; or I should probably say with MY verbosity.
I had a feeling the babybutt would be born sometime on or before his due date. According to my calculations of his conception, that would be January 4th. According to the Doc it was January 5th. It's a small difference, but one that worked in my favor.
I started feeling very manageable contractions that got closer and closer together on January 3rd. I waited until they were 6 minutes apart since they were so late and called the nurse who urged us to go in right away. In the nightmare that is triage, they found that I was only 2cm dilated, so sent me away to walk and be rechecked. When at that recheck I was still only 2cm, I was sent home where I rested and then walked some more. Very late that evening, the contractions started to get a lot stronger and spaced themselves farther apart again. They started at 11 minutes or so apart and gradually came back to 5-8 minutes again. Off we went for the hospital! This time I knew it was for real as they were strong enough to cause me much more difficulty. I thanked my body for the heads up though as it gave me time to shower and eat a light meal before going back in for labor.
I could tell that Hub was anxious only by the facts that he broke no traffic rules and was completely accomodating of me. He was one cool (though excited) cucumber. I was not scared at all either! Just really excited. This time I was dilated I think 5 cm, and they weren't sure they were going to keep me. And here's where my first ShitNurse story comes in. Most people I had were phenomenol with a handful of very notable exceptions. I guess I was there so long, I got it all. Since we were admitted to the ER at midnight, it was now January 4th. And now I need a nap with my sweetness, so ShitNurse #1 will make her appearance next time.
Weekend with Hub soon!! He only got a week off. Poor guy. :(
I had a feeling the babybutt would be born sometime on or before his due date. According to my calculations of his conception, that would be January 4th. According to the Doc it was January 5th. It's a small difference, but one that worked in my favor.
I started feeling very manageable contractions that got closer and closer together on January 3rd. I waited until they were 6 minutes apart since they were so late and called the nurse who urged us to go in right away. In the nightmare that is triage, they found that I was only 2cm dilated, so sent me away to walk and be rechecked. When at that recheck I was still only 2cm, I was sent home where I rested and then walked some more. Very late that evening, the contractions started to get a lot stronger and spaced themselves farther apart again. They started at 11 minutes or so apart and gradually came back to 5-8 minutes again. Off we went for the hospital! This time I knew it was for real as they were strong enough to cause me much more difficulty. I thanked my body for the heads up though as it gave me time to shower and eat a light meal before going back in for labor.
I could tell that Hub was anxious only by the facts that he broke no traffic rules and was completely accomodating of me. He was one cool (though excited) cucumber. I was not scared at all either! Just really excited. This time I was dilated I think 5 cm, and they weren't sure they were going to keep me. And here's where my first ShitNurse story comes in. Most people I had were phenomenol with a handful of very notable exceptions. I guess I was there so long, I got it all. Since we were admitted to the ER at midnight, it was now January 4th. And now I need a nap with my sweetness, so ShitNurse #1 will make her appearance next time.
Weekend with Hub soon!! He only got a week off. Poor guy. :(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
