Your Hill to Die On

We are all familiar with "mommy wars" by now. It's been blogged, talked and written about over and over. One of the things I've encountered frequently is the firmly stated assertion that someone WILL not and that I or you MUST NOT be making more than ONE MEAL AT DINNER TIME! 

To that I say, we all have our hills we're willing to die on. And you know what? That is not one of mine. If that makes you horribly upset or sad then I'm sorry for you. I could care less if that's the way you want to run your household. I know (and have heard aplenty) that there are numerous pros to sticking to your guns with one specific menu at each meal time, including the "I am not a short order cook" explanation. That's fabulous. You know what? I think I'd like to be a short order cook. I'm darn near a vegetarian. I'll eat particular chicken breast, a little turkey breast and the occasional very specific fish. Eggs are good IN things, not always on my plate. It's the way I am for many reasons and one of them is that I just don't like meat. My husband is a ravenous carnivore. He likes nothing better than a giant slab of steak with a tiny side of potatoes and vegetables. I like nothing better than a delicious salad with every veggie in it I can find. E is somewhere between the two of us. He's not so into beef, but he's currently in the toddler stage of chicken nuggets, hot dogs and french fries, YUM. (while I secretly gag.) 

My husband also does not have any of the blood lipid level issues I do, and while he's come a very long way toward healthier eating with me and is always game to try something new, I don't expect that he needs to limit himself to the extremes I do. 

Therefore, it's my and my family's pleasure to sometimes find what we'll all eat. I enjoy the juggling. After work when we're all home by 7 if we're lucky, we sometimes all eat some different form of quick cook meal. It's common for me to have a salad or sandwich, Hub to have a Stouffer's meal and E to have some sort of Gerber Graduate thing. Yup - horrible Mom here. I obviously don't care about my family right?

But seriously, we're not raising an ungrateful brat, I promise. Most people we meet seem to think he's a pretty gracious and polite child. And this is just not one of my parenting hills to die on. I plan on tightening it up some when he gets older, but I still will never force him to eat things he hates. He needs to TRY things he doesn't know well, but he doesn't have to finish a plateful of it. My mother never made me do that, and I grew from the typical picky eater child into an adult who will try almost any vegetable dish out there. Meat is simply my sticking point, and that's ok. 

So, I have my hills, but not too many I'd die on. I just can't afford (due to my personality and lifestyle) to go to that level of devotion. What's most important to me are manners, exposure to a wide variety of interests, ethnicities and world views and an appreciation for the outdoors and exercise. The rest? We'll figure it out I promise. Do you have a Hill to Die On?

Parenting Pundits

I get really tired of so many "experts" talking about how we should raise children in practically every sense. I believe there is no catch all other than do not abuse.

I'm also tired of, "if we parented like the French, or in the 40s, or the 50's, or like the Chinese..." The list goes on and on. Here's the thing. I don't believe we are in a "parenting crisis." Youth issues are so much more complicated than that. I also don't believe parents who search for a different way are necessarily "wrong."

What is important is that we parent in a style that works for our families and that consistency is maintained. Abuse and/or negligence is not acceptable, but I don't believe most parents exhibit those traits. Call me an optimist, but those smug, "experts" be damned.
The end.

IF Follows Even on the "Other Side"

Today I went to get my blood drawn for the appointment where they test to see if the Met has made a difference in my blood lipids. That's a whole anxiety post in itself.
What really struck me however, was my encounter with the phlebotomist. I've had her before. She's really sweet and always makes children small talk. This time, she asked (as I clench up because I hear it so often) if E is the first and only. When I nodded, she murmured, "That's so sad."
What? Conflicted immediately. She's so kind that it's hard to be angry. And I guess it is a little sad in some ways. But those are personal. What's so sad to her I wonder? Is it our decision itself? Is it that we or E are missing out on the joys of siblings? Will he not have as good a life as an only child? (which I reject) Is it that she assumes it's out of our hands?
Mind still whirring, I stuttered something about possibly adopting. As always, I lamely feel the need to defend my decisions. It's not until afterwards that I know what I wished I had said...
"It's not sad at all. It's miraculous and awesome that we got this chance at all. We are in love now with the family life we lucked into. Every single day is a blessing, and I am content and as happy as I've ever been. So please congratulate us that we are where we are when so many still struggle."

"God's Will" and "Everything Happens for a Reason"

When I was a youngster and later a teenager and young adult, I uttered these phrases with impunity. It was easy for me because I hadn't really faced any of the tough stuff yet. Oh sure, I dealt with the passing of my beloved Grandma in front of me, the loss of a dear cousin and a few other family tragedies, but those things all happened when adults did some of the grieving for me if you know what I mean. Somehow, I found that as a child, the grieving of the adults lifted some of the burden from me. I didn't truly suffer that sort of grief completely on my own shoulders until the passing of my Grandfather and my early miscarriage. And now, as an adult, I more fully understand the complexities of grief and the grieving - that there are no easy words or fixes - that it may never be ok, but it will be better.

And since I grew up, I've become very bitter about those easy words, yet I've never been able to express eloquently why they bother me so. I know part of it is the implication that you, the bereaved, are supposed to be ok with the situation because it's all part of your plan in life. And you know what? I don't feel like I have to be OK. Nor do I really believe in "fate" as a concrete concept in life. In my mind that makes fate and predestination go hand and hand, and isn't that a worrying thought?

In any case, I came across this post ages ago as I was reading the beautiful blog, A Fifth Season. I asked Caitsmom if I could link to this article, and she gave me her blessing. As I was reading it, I said, "YES!" She really nailed the heart of my discomfort here. Her more in depth post to which she linked in the newer one goes into even further detail. I've been thinking about these words a lot lately and felt like I needed to finally get them out in black and white. I don't expect people to all share my thinking, but it feels good to share mine anyway. Thank you Caitsmom for your eloquence.

More Discussion

Please feel free to discuss the previous parenthood = better person post more in depth in the comments. I'm very curious to see others' points of view. I will be writing there myself. I thought about it some more, and I believe that most people say it makes them a better person because the good stuff that they get out of parenting is way more of pro than the negatives that result are a con. Therefore, they feel like better people and are happier overall. At least that's my thought. I feel like an overall better human, but I definitely feel I'm lacking in areas I once mastered.

Parenting = Better Person?

Do I think motherhood has made me a better person?

I ruminated on this after reading many times how mothers often say it does and that those who are not mothers in whatever situation find that answer frustrating and questionable. It's no secret I've struggled sometimes to understand who I've become after giving birth to E, so I decided to throw my two cents into the heap.

My answer to this is yes and no. Like any of the major life changing events I've experienced (infertility, living on my own far away, marriage, death), I've gained a lot of insight on myself, understanding others and life in general since becoming a mother. I challenge anyone to say they could go through such an amazing (and often difficult!) blessing and not take anything positive away from it. In that way, I suppose I am a better person. I always consider taking away new knowledge from experience a sort of betterment. And in this case, I've learned more in a shorter time than I think I have ever before. I also find that I am happier, calmer, more patient, more loving, more understanding, more fulfilled and more world aware than I have ever been. I'm also much less impulsive and judgmental. Those are also all ways in which I would consider I'm "better," though others around me disagree on some of that.

However, just today I wrote a post in my head while I was at work about how I'm disappointed in myself. While I am very pleased with my role as "E's Mom" and think that I do a great job at that finally, my work suffers greatly. I'm someone who has always garnered a lot of self worth from the quality of work I do and from the opinions of those around me. It's a horrible habit, but one that I have trouble breaking. Since having E, I've been much more scattered, more sensitive (which is good and bad), I can't focus on work well, I don't care as much about doing a pristine job, and I've been much less secure in who I am. My confidence is lacking, and while I used to be able to make people laugh on occasion, I seem to have lost much of my sense of humor. Oh I can appreciate a good joke, but I can no longer seem to bring levity to a situation. I feel that I've become too serious and too prone to mistakes. I'm not the overachiever I once was, and in some ways that makes me sad. I also am now too quick to think I can't accomplish something on my own, whereas at one time, I would have been first in line to prove just how WELL I could accomplish something without anyone else thank you.

So in those ways, I don't feel that motherhood has made me a better person. Again, just like any big life event, I am simply different. Some aspects of my personality have been heightened, some diminished. Some of my abilities are now favored while others have been left in the dust. It's simply a huge adjustment to accept who I am post motherhood. I am absolutely adoring the experience, and I love what it has done for my life on the whole, but sometimes I feel that I am muddling through the absorption of it all.

I'm glad for the discussion on this because it's certainly helped me think a little more clearly on the matter, and I'm sure every single person would take something different away from this sort of introspection.

America in Decline?

Please all - share your opinions/expertise on this article. At first read, it sounds a bit more harsh than could possibly be needed, though I do think we have a lot of issues. However, I am not expert in any of these things.

How that sleep thing worked out for us...

Dear People Who Would Say I Was "Ruining" My Baby for Sleep:

We did what worked for our family. We followed our baby's lead and listened to his cues. We have never let him "cry it out." We let him "complain" once he was old enough to know the difference, but if he cries in distress, even if it's because he needs a hug, we go to him. We put him in the crib fast asleep if we needed to. It didn't seem to make a difference to how he awoke. I nursed him to sleep frequently until he was about 6 months old. I rocked him when he seemed to need it. We bed shared almost exclusively at night and often during the day for the first 4 months and then off and on for the next 2 or 3.

And guess what? That very same baby is now very well adjusted, happy and good natured. He falls asleep on his own almost every single nap and bed time. He let me know when rocking didn't work for him anymore in a pretty expressive way. We gave him opportunities to sleep in his crib and gave him lots of play time in there, and he also let us know pretty decidedly when he was ready to sleep there first for part of the night and then for all of it. He also naps 1-3 hours at a time without crying and usually sleeps 8 hours at a time, with another 3 to follow. He doesn't wake up crying. He wakes up talking and happy. We let him play for a little while before greeting him with smiles all around.

The main reason it was difficult with him in the beginning was because we felt like we were doing something "wrong" by bed sharing. We felt like we had to "train" him better. All the books said so! All our neighbors said so! Hell even our first doctor "said so." But it just didn't work. All those things we were "supposed" to do? They failed painfully. All those things we "shouldn't have done?" They worked beautifully. As long as we bed shared, nursed to sleep and comforted him, all was peaceful. Of course we tried to give him opportunities and help to transition to less dependent patterns, but we tried not to push too hard. And you know what? I liked it. Take that internet. I admit it. I LIKED sleeping with my baby. I liked easing his cries immediately. I liked rocking him with his warm body pressed to my chest. It made us both feel complete.

And now all is well. He has NONE of the lingering "bad habits" most of the books, people, internet sites, medical "experts" etc have said he would have. We must have done something right. And even if he did have lingering habits, is that because we did something horribly wrong? Probably not. Every baby is different, and we do what's right for our family. I'm not saying the way we did it is THE right way - far from it. I'm saying it was the right way for us. And a giant raspberry to anyone who thinks they have the tailor made answer for every child. We are living proof that it doesn't work that way.

Sincerely,
One happy and loving mother to a beautiful, perfect baby boy

The Way in Which I am NOT Alternative

I've been more nervous lately about the whole non-vaccination movement. The reason I've become more bothered is because I now know someone who has currently chosen the non-vaccination route with a 6 month old baby and may continue to travel that path. This someone wants our babies to be playmates. I used to think that could be fun, but now I'm not completely comfortable with E being around this child. Even though E is vaccinated, the schedule is not yet complete, so he is vulnerable to some diseases. Furthermore, as you probably know, vaccinations do not provide 100% immunity 100% of the time, but the system works brilliantly when everyone is vaccinated. I would just rather not chance E being exposed to any of the awful diseases one can contract even if his schedule was complete. I might reconsider somewhat if we were really close, but we have really different personalities and interests, and this is not the only matter in which we differ. I think even if I did decide to maintain play dates with her, this would bother me to the point that it would show in our interactions. How the Hell do I tell her all this though? Or do I just bite the bullet and avoid most of the time so that we are only around them once in a while?

The nice thing to know is that according to the CDC, approximately 99% of U.S. parents currently choose to vaccinate their children - delayed schedule or not. Please, please do your research if you are trying to make the decision about vaccinations. And if you don't trust Doctors and scientists, learn how scientific studies work and how to read them. I sometimes take having a science background for granted. It makes for a lot of piece of mind to be able to do my research and make decisions based on solid evidence. Or just ask grandparents who may have witnessed the devastation some of these diseases caused. It's a lot easier to make the decision not to vaccinate when you really don't think there's a chance your family could experience such a thing or you've never seen how awful it can be.

Thinking of Crowing About Your "Just Relax" advice?

Have you seen the hubbub about the IF/stress link study? Thinking about gloating? Read this (and the comments) first. So well said.

Vaccination Debate

For those who choose to not vaccinate their children, could you please educate me and let me know what your specific concerns are?

And if you could be really specific since I don't think it's fair to compare chicken pox to polio to pertussis. All have different issues. Thanks!

Anon or Not?

Occasionally I debate going a little less anonymous with my blog. I need to be able to say everything that's on my mind, and I often feel that being anonymous is the only way I can comfortably do that even though I still try to be unhurtful. (Yes, my word.) I also worry a lot about exposing my husband and child to the world at large without filters. However, there are SO many fun things E does, the pets do and that I experience at work that I censor myself from writing. Can I ask for some debate and thoughts on all your experiences of anonymous versus completely open and everything in between? And while you're at it, scroll on down and give me your milk story if you have one as well.

Loves and hugs,
FCiF

Your Input Needed

Crib bumpers for an almost 7 month old who likes to stick his legs through the slats - pros and cons - discuss.

Nah. We don't like to feed our baby. Thanks.

Could someone please tell me what peoples' obsession with adding rice cereal to my breast milk is? I'm getting pressure from daycare, family, passers by.... According to my research, live enzymes in breast milk break down the cereal before the baby can drink it anyway. And on top of that, it's a myth that it adds more calories to help them sleep better. The amount you're supposed to add contributes 5 calories. Five measly calories. My milk does better than that. And he sleeps at night just fine when he's comfortable thank you. (see Jen? I'm learning.) We've been doing exactly as our book and doctor say and trying the taste of some of the stage one foods to see if he's interested after a normal feeding. So far he just gives us a crazy look and tries to push it back out. Don't worry public at large. We won't starve him. Sheesh.

Anyone want to share their solids stories with me?

Pampers Responds!

I'd like to note that LaToya from Pampers was kind enough to note my blog entry. I never imagined that! I usually write open letters just to vent without any real hope of a reply. Thank you LaToya, and I am reposting her response from the comments section with my reply following:

I’m LaToya from Pampers. I’m so sorry your family had this experience. I have two little ones so I can imagine your frustration having to worry about your new baby. Our number one purpose at Pampers is about caring for babies, so these comments mean a lot to us. The Swaddlers Sensitives do contain the Dry Max technology but only in sizes 3 and 4. The mesh liner is available in the smaller sizes, as it’s used to keep the runny mess away from infant’s skin. As the baby gets bigger, their “poo” is more formed and the mesh liner is no longer needed. In fact, before we removed the mesh liner from Cruisers, we tested both liners with moms and moms actually preferred the new, softer liner opposed to the mesh liner. A small amount of fragrance is added, however, between the backsheet and therefore is not touching the baby’s skin. But a “chemical smell” is not expected at all. These diapers are indeed sensitive. Swaddlers Sensitives has more lotion and both the ears and outer cover are breathable to help maintain the natural healthy look of your new baby’s skin. I hope this answers your questions. When you get the time we would like for you to call and tell us more about your experiences (1-877-256-3265). We may also be able to give you more answers. Again, I apologize for your experience and I hope you call us soon.

I'm happy to see that Pampers has put a lot of thought into their products. I have a few problems with the assumptions made for the sizes 3 and up however. My baby is in the 90th percentile for height and the 75th for weight. That means that he grows out of the mesh liner before his poos become more formed. Furthermore, according to many doctors, a baby's main mode of nutrition to at least 6 months is supposed to be breast milk (no formula). Breast fed babies tend to have more watery stool than formula fed and solids fed babies. Since my son is under 6 months, he still has that kind of stool and the new liner does not work as well for it, yet he's outgrown the 2s. I imagine that happens for a lot of babies, and the large number of babies onto formula by that age may have skewed your results for expectation of need in the liner.

I'd actually rather not have lotions, perfumes etc put into a sensitive diaper as you never know what a sensitive baby's skin may react to. And even though our son is not sensitive per se, we don't want to expose him to skin products of which we don't know the chemical composition. The chemical smell was quite strong to me compared to the earlier Swaddlers and another brand to which we've switched. It smelled like a very harsh version of baby powder and actually made my Mom draw back quickly when I handed it to her to smell. We tried the diapers on the assumption that perhaps the problems noted with them were blown out of proportion or were restricted to certain batches or certain babies, but when we noticed him getting more red than usual and then noticed the few little bumpy patches on his normally fine skin, we stopped using them.

It is becoming much more common and dare I say even "fashionable" for parents to use whole, sustainable and environmentally friendly products as often as possible. Therefore, the expectation of a sensitive diaper is going to be much higher I believe than ever before. I would use cloth almost exclusively if his daycare would agree to it. Alas, that isn't always possible.

But I thank you very much for your response. You have definitely earned my respect by doing that. I think, though, that you may need to look into at least opening up some of your older lines without drymax again to gain back many customers. As I said before, your diapers were fine without it. And blessings to your little ones LaToya.

Thanks!
FCiF

Updates on Life, Baby and Me in Bullets (plus questions!)

• Nursing is ever so much easier when one does not have thrush. Wow. Gotta love that little pill I got.
• A giant raspberry to my mean previous ped and to certain books that shall remain nameless that insist it is wrong to rock, pat or otherwise soothe a sleepless baby and that they should be left to cry so they can learn to soothe themselves and that otherwise, they will always "require" that. Bullshit. I agree with Dr. Karp and let me just say that this is TWICE now that baby has begun sleep ON HIS OWN without my help. He has often gone back to sleep on his own upon waking too. I think that's just called maturation, and pooh on you for trying to force our babies into an adult world quickly so that we can have more time on our hands.
  
• I happen to love rocking my baby.
• I don't want to miss any part of his babyhood.
• Not that he's without frustrations.
• But it's not his fault.
• Like my multiple bullets? I'll stop now.
• I'm also annoyed with people who claim infants need to learn "independence" early on from Mommy. Seriously? That's why these enormous globes adorn my chest people. We are supposed to be near each other at all times. It's just modern day Western world that dictates we can't.
• I just learned that if you have your first baby after 30, you stand a 1 in 4 chance of developing breast cancer as opposed to a 1 in 8 chance otherwise. Thanks for that extra kick in the teeth PCOS.
  
• I love Hub.
• Bloodletting today. :(
• Teething sucks - your favorite methods anyone?
• Baby has been vomiting a LOT lately at the slightest provocation. Is this acid reflux? He isn't showing discomfort. What can we do for him?
  

Parenting Style

Anyone who knows E well knows that he's not exactly an "easy" baby. He's happy, charming, and sweet, and sensitive, and beautiful, but not really easy. For my part, my hormones have not exactly allowed me to adapt easily to our new situation either. I'm over the moon about my baby, but fatigue, type A personality and hormone surges knock me on my rear. And just as I was starting to really get my feet under me, full time work came barging in and turned me back on my ear. Add to that the fact that daycare was a very stressful situation at first, and you have a perfect storm of tired, cranky, crazy Barb. (By the way, daycare insisted he had to have colic, or acid reflux or we were just bad parents. Never mind that it was his first full - 12 hr - day in a new situation).

This baby just loves being with people. He loves cuddling and holding. It's definitely not colic because he is just fine at home being loved by Mommy and Daddy. He's also slow to warm up to new situations and new people. He has to know his surroundings to be completely comfortable. I guess that's a little code for he can be screamy if he is out of his element or routine. One of our biggest problems at the moment is that though we follow all the "right" suggestions to putting E down to sleep... waiting until he's sleepy but awake, making sure he sees his surroundings, white noise... I can't remove MYSELF from the situation. I can't lay him down in the crib from afar. Thus, he SEES me. I stay there a while and soothe him back to sleep, but when he wakes up a half an hour later, and I'm no longer there, he cries. This baby's biggest motivation is being held and being with Mom and Dad. Tell me how you fix THAT without stress oh mighty experts.

And it's so great to get to work or see the random person who can detail to me just how Hub and I created a baby who is sensitive and loves extra attention. And in comes some of my biggest annoyances, quite clearly laid out by Jen in this post.

In reality, I very much feel that our parenting style evolved around this baby's personality. If you've followed this blog at all, you see how I've struggled with the decisions we knew were right for us as a family but that we were always told and felt were the wrong thing to do. Co-sleeping is against what I always thought. I never imagined myself a "crunchy" parent, but judging by the nurse's horror at our pediatrician, that's exactly how we've turned out. But it's been guided by this sweetness. I've always had a personality similar to what it seems E has, and I remember vividly how it felt for people to feel they had to use tough love to make me stop being that way. Needless to say, it didn't work. It just created more neuroses and self doubt than I already had. We've noticed that with E, the more comfort and reassurance we give him, the more relaxed and calm he has become. So we are still using a combo of co-sleeping and sleeping away from us when it works, and so far he has been building on his sleeping confidence.

And that's our end goal and our happiness - a contented, loved baby and happy family.

p.s. Can I note that I am so extremely delighted with Hub's support and that he and I are on the exact same page with doing what our hearts tell us to do with this baby? And he's so sensible about it. Couldn't do it without his support. Love you babe.

Open Letter to an Asshat

To the man in the beautiful Mazda Miata convertible with the bumper sticker that read, "Honk if I'm paying your Mortgage" with a mocking Obama symbol for the O":

You suck. What a lovely way to rub your relative wealth in others' (who are less fortunate) faces. I hate asshat bumper stickers. They so cowardly ridicule or scorn others with the comfort of relative anonymity. I equally hate the stupid little pieces of paper that mock anyone for their beliefs or status whether I agree with them or not. No buttface, you are not paying my mortgage; partly because of our hard nosed dedication to fiscal responsibility, hard work and minimizing, but also partly because I lucked out and didn't have a major health problem crop up and lose my job, or have no one to turn to for help during desperate times, or get sucked into a really bad housing situation unknowingly. We actually DID get sucked into a mortgage that is not the best situation in the world due to a very unscrupulous mortgage broker who changed our loan at the last minute without our knowledge. We are making it work, but worry about what happens if the market doesn't improve before that balloon loan is due, or if something happens to one of our jobs while we are paying the higher interest rate than we were quoted.* Yes we were stupid first time home buyers and didn't have a lawyer, or we would have nailed his ass. But we did as much homework as we possibly could to prepare for this. Guess what? Sometimes you still get stuck with the shit end of the stick. It's nice that hasn't happened to you. Yippee hooray, here's your cookie. The problem is so widespread you can't tell me everyone in the U.S. who has had mortgage problems is an ass, and there is no blame to go anywhere else.

And guess what else? I don't pretend to know what exactly should have been done to help the mortgage crisis or if what was done was the best route. However, the idea of stemming the tide of foreclosures etc is to hopefully shore up the whole economy. As much as those of you judgmental jerks** who have everything you could possibly need think you are immune to what the rest of the country suffers, eventually you are not. The bubble of ignorant prosperity shrinks more and more and eventually, most of you would be feeling the burn too.

Tirade over.

*Yes we WANTED a 30 yr fixed rate. We are somewhat on a 30 yr fixed rate, with a few caveats. Bait and switch baby.
**I know the minority. OK.. I believe the minority. Thank God. But it still pisses me off.

I Read it! (And BOY is it dry, just like this post)

Thank you so much to Kristin of Dragondreamer's Lair for posting the link to her opinion on the healthcare reform bill which includes a link to the bill itself. I actually did read a large portion of it to see what I thought about her and others' comments on the bill. Thanks so much because I've been wanting to find it, but kept getting only news reports in my searches. And I love Kristin's ideas on Nationwide Medical Insurance Plans!

Here are my interpretations of the Bill and a few other related things. Please please feel free to correct me if I am way off base, as much of it is in legal-ease, which does NOT facilitate ease of reading. I had to look up several definitions and supporting articles (along with conferring with Hub) to figure out what I thought it meant. Feel free to read the Bill and see if you agree!

In reference to that piece, I do want to say that you can have other insurance or pay out of pocket even if you are eligible for Medicare. The part of Medicare that you are automatically enrolled in is Plan A - which only includes hospitalization and is generally free if you have reached 65 and paid into the system (or a myriad of other combinations). You may pay for Plan A if you choose if not eligible for a free plan, and you may pay to add the further plans (medical, drug benefits etc) to your Medicare insurance if you choose. Medicare is meant as either a back-up, a supplemental insurance or full coverage depending on your needs and eligibility. My Grandfather maintained his military pension insurance and his Medicare simultaneously as far as I understand, and his wife now continues that coverage. I got my information here amongst other sources that explained how it works similarly, but I felt the Medicare page itself was probably the most credible.

In the bill, I could not find anything about not being allowed to have other insurance or being assessed fees or fines for paying out of pocket or using other insurance. On the contrary, I found sections that said you may stay in your preexisting insurance plan regardless of the new quality controls if you enrolled before the Bill became law. On page 28, line 19 this document begins a description of how enrollment would be managed by the government for insurance. From what I understood, it basically says that the government will help people who are not covered by health care and help them find "qualifying health care" (which appears to mean they meet certain standards - read the bill for more info) whether that be a Federal program of any type including Medicaid and CHIP or private insurance company. Page 34, line 1 appears to address choice in the program in a more extensive manner, and it seems as if there is a fair amount of free choice. I couldn't find anything that said you would be forced into the system. (Please correct me if you find otherwise.)

Some points I found that may be troubling for companies or others if I am correct in my interpretation:

Page 16, line 20 says to me basically that an employer cannot self insure if it has 250 enrollees in the group or under. I do not understand the financial savings of self insuring, or the ramifications of taking away that option for a smaller "group," but I assume this could cause concern. I also think it probably wouldn't be the government's place to make this ruling.

On page 26, line 15 the Bill discusses the administrative fees to cover the government's assessments of each insurer. Fees are always a concern to companies, though as far as I know, they already incur governmental administrative fees. This copy of the Bill was very vague as to if these fees would be more or less and did not include details.

Page 27, line 1 gave me some trouble. I think I may have figured it out, but again, help if you can! It seems to me that companies would incur a fee if they employ an incorrect assessment of the risk their enrollees have in comparison to the average calculation of all the other qualified insurers? Again, this was really confusing for me.

And something that did concern me greatly for small business owners... page 96, section 1 states that there will be a penalty charged to employers that do not OFFER insurance to employees. I assume that means to ANY employees. If this is the case, that could be distressing for struggling, small businesses. Is this right?

Overall, the spirit of this bill seems to be streamlining costs, oversight, trying to offer insurance to those who need it in whatever way possible and trying to weed out overspending and inefficiency. I really really do not see that it is trying to become a true universal government run health care system. It doesn't seem like it would run private insurers out of business, but I am by no means any sort of expert. It seems to be more of an options thing. Despite that, I am still not convinced we can implement the full extent of the bill Obama wants with our current financial situation, and am concerned about the government not paying healthcare providers what they need to operate properly. But as I've said before, I can barely wrap my brain around what this stuff entails, let alone understand the complex economic impacts. One of my other big concerns is what happens when all the people currently not getting medical care flood into our existing hospitals and care centers. Are we equipped to handle the patient load? Believe me, I am definitely one who wants us to improve the amount of care offered to our citizens, but I want it to be done well.

The bill in the link Kristin provided appears to me to be only 167 pages, and I know that I've heard it's longer than that in many arenas, so I don't know if it's complete. If you know of a more complete version, leave a link in the comments!

3-D Ultrasound Concerns

When we were at the doctor's office yesterday, he surprised us by saying he could not condone the use of 3-D ultrasounds for pleasure and would not perform one. That actually shocked me because I had not yet heard of any controversy surrounding the practice. After all, most of my friends and family have 3-D photos of their babies in utero. And the photos are astonishingly detailed. We could tell my nephew had his Mom's nose before he was born.

This seemed to be a hot button topic for my usually cheery doctor, so I asked him about it. He explained that the frequency is different for the 3-D's and that there could be some evidence to show that it can cause certain side effects that aren't worth the risk unless there's a medical need to see such detail.

At first I was sure I still wanted the ultrasound. I've been dreaming of seeing my beautiful baby in such detail for a long time. But then reason prevailed, and I started doing research on the topic. I couldn't find a lot of information, but here is a very informative article that might change my mind. Has anyone else heard this? If you or loved ones were in the situation, what did you decide to do?