Quick!

FINALLY. I can stop running to check my unders every 5 minutes. It's here. I can't update much more because Hub is here instead of out tonight. Not much computer time for me!

Meme Time*

This one was from Kara at Becoming Parents. There is much that begs to be blogged about, but the most I can muster at the moment is a meme. I will have to spit out the other stuff soon... I believe these are to be one word answers...

1. Where is your cell phone? counter
2. Where is your significant other? gallery
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? comfort
5. Your father? away
6. Your favorite thing? love
7. Your dream last night? sunscreen
8. Your dream/goal? happiness
9. The room you’re in? extra
10. Your hobby? life
11. Your fear? death
12. Where do you want to be in six years? home
13. Where were you last night? bed
14. What you’re not? mean
15. One of your wish list items? peace
16. Where you grew up? mountain
17. The last thing you did? baked
18. What are you wearing? sweats
19. Your T.V.? old
20. Your pet? sweetness
21. Your computer? slow
22. Your mood? spacey
23. Missing someone? family
24. Your car? junker
25. Something you’re not wearing? bra
26. Favorite store? Depends
27. Your Summer? HOT
28. Love someone? oodles
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? tonight
31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

*Makes me think of "Mime Time," makes me happy. Look it up. ;)

Fun Food Friday

This Fun Food Friday is truly fun. At first glance, it seems bad. However, if you factor in that it saves me from a lot of sugar and chocolate gluttony, it's very very good.

Today's food is Hershey's Special Dark Cranberry, Blueberry and Almond Chocolate Bar. I am a for real and true chocoholic. I can't survive without it for long. As you can imagine, this proves to be quite a problem for someone who isn't supposed to be noshing on any sugar at all. One of my solutions is to get these scrumptious bars and keep them in the refrigerator. For some reason, a smaller amount satisfies me more when it's cold. I break off half a square each day and savor the decadence of dark chocolate and crunchy almonds with the delightful contrast of tart-sweet dried cranberries and blueberries. It's just the right mix to help me resist the allure of more dangerous sweets. Plus, you can always fool yourself by saying that the dark chocolate has TONS of antioxidants as do the berries, and almonds are loaded with vitamin E and other goodies.

As always, if you want to participate click here. (Perhaps I should give up the ghost on that line?)

Chewed up and spit out

I am So. Worn. Down. I keep hoping that once I get my period and my cycle starts again I'll feel better. I'm on cycle day 69 though (no comments!) - 7 days after my last Provera pill - and my temperatures are still high. It's disturbingly like the last time I took glucophage. Last time I would not ovulate for long periods of time, break down and take Provera, then it would take forever to get my period on it. Soon enough the cycle would start all over again.

I don't know. Is it a good thing that I seem to hold on to progesterone longer when on the Met? I don't even know the answers to any of it anymore. Those left side pains are coming back off and on too. Lovely.

Sooo... I'm trying to get to vote early, heading to see the Grandmother soon, painting our living room (finally!) and attempting to apply to some graduate classes. With the fatigue coming back on, we'll see how well that all goes and how much I come back to blogging.

Complaining over.

FCiF

Happy Halloween from the Nephews

Nephew #1 to Sis...

As they walk out to the car to go away, Nephew notices a large spider with long dangling legs that Sis has just put up for Halloween on the side of the house.

Nephew: MOM! Where you GET DAT?!

Sis: I bought it the other day and put it up for Halloween. Do you like it?

Nephew: Mom! Why you DO dat? It scared me outta CWAP!*


Nephew #2 in a phone call to me...

Nephew: Happy berfda tooo you.

Me: Thanks honey!

SIL in background: Tell her what you saw in your book!

Nephew (screaming): WIOOOOON!**

SIL: What does a Lion say?

Nephew: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOO
RRRRRRR! (as I hold the phone slightly from my ear).

Me: VERY scary!


*W = R in this instance
**W = L in this instance

Housekeeping Note

All the photos in my new banner are ones either I or Hub have taken. They're mostly mine though.

Distracted

There's a lot going on in our country to be distracted by right now isn't there?

I attended my first political rally tonight (or last night as it will appear when this post comes up). Rallies aren't entirely my cup of tea, but I enjoyed watching history. I wanted to be a part of the process for once. I was so stoked by the idea that I had crazy dreams about it for 2 days leading up. I just wish we weren't so buried in tall people.

I've also always greatly admired Colin Powell. I was dismayed when he said he wouldn't run for President a while back. At the same time however, that somewhat cemented my thought that he is a very intelligent man. ;-}

He was so very eloquent on Meet the Press recently. No matter which candidate he chose, I'm fascinated to hear his reasoning and thought process. He's careful, realistic and inclusive. And I really like that.

Crap

There's a lot going on in my brain right now. Shocking I know. But most of it is stuff I'm not comfortable putting out into the internet. Writing, reading and getting support continues to be a great comfort, but I don't know when I'll be back to "normal." I wish I was more awesome. Then it could all go away.

By the way, I will also be revamping the blog a bit. Hub helped me with that. He's quite talented.

Love
FCiF

Good Old Julie

I had almost these exact sentiments (and expressed them loudly to Hub) at this portion of last night's debate.

Note: Not telling you how to vote. Just sharing my views on what I view as a careless comment, and Julie says things so much better than I can.

Darkness Here We Come

I seem to have burrowed into a difficult little hole for the time being. I'm not sure why it happened. It could be that I'm nearing the end of my Provera run and AF is due. It could be that I've turned another year older and another dreaded year closer to "advanced maternal age." It could be that Hub has seemed down, and I can't help but worry that he feels that tick-tock as well. But you know what? I'm tired of trying to figure myself out so I can deal better. I'm tired of dealing period. I don't want to deal, I want to DO. But here I am as always.... waiting. I keep thinking about what we'll do if the Met doesn't jog my ovaries into gear. Do I go to the TCM practitioner as I was thinking? Can we even afford THAT? Of course, questions on affording that make it quite clear that there is very little chance too many more stimulated IUIs (if any) are in our future, and even less chance that IVF is. (Yes, in my desperation I've even begun to consider it despite my horrible drug reactions.)

I just read our annual enrollment for health insurance. I had been thinking about moving up a plan for better IF coverage. But guess what! Come on.. Guess! If you guessed that they have drastically reduced said coverage even on that plan, then you win the prize!!! (The prize is my sarcasm. We don't have moolah. Didn't I just say that?)

I'm so incredibly exhausted lately. I feel myself teetering on the edge of giddy one minute and anger the next. Then, for no reason that I can quite discern, my eyes will start leaking. WTF?? I'm sure part of it is hormonal, but I know part of it is also my desperation. Maybe I'll say screw it, stay on the Met, and give my favorite drug Clomid one more shot. Now, Clomid makes me want to rip out my ovaries, stomp on them and then punch the next person I see in the face, but I will try it one more time if it gives me more answers and one more shot. We can afford Clomid.

If you've started to wonder if this is a stream of consciousness rant, then I'm guessing the answer is yes. I just needed my outlet. I haven't needed the blog for this in quite a while, but I'm glad it's here. It's much better than punching my pillow and mumbling to myself. Bring on the Crazy!

I also meant to note that for a few weeks before the Provera, I had this awful ache in my left side near my ovary. I couldn't tell if it was my ovary for sure, so I waited a while. Funny thing is, it went away completely and suddenly after my third day of Progesterone. A lovely cyst perhaps? What was Miss Lefty thinking? She knows she's not the achiever of the two.


P.S. Very delayed Happy Thanksgiving to Canada!

Can't.... type...

Big weekend. Lots to do. Very sleepy. Blogger meeting fun. Farah just as cute in person. Maresi sharp and interesting. Baby adorable. Jen awesome as always.

Visits, anniversary present, birthdays aaaaaaaaaah!

Fun Food Friday

Amy's Pesto Pizza. Mmmmmmmm. I'm eating it right now, and it's making my tummy very happy. All of Amy's Pizzas are good, but this one is a particular favorite of mine. It doesn't have too much cheese on it which is good for my lactose fearing digestive system. It does, however, have just the right amount of pesto sauce, juicy, fresh tasting roma tomatoes and bright green, crisp broccoli. The crust is whole grain, which makes it an even better choice for a Met belly girl. At the beginning of the Met I couldn't stomach any grain, but now it has decided that perhaps I've paid my dues and a little whole grain a day can be tolerated.

If you'd like to join in, click here.

Birthday Burblings

Thanks for the birthday wishes! I have to say, Babychaser's cracked me up. I got Sleeping Beauty on DVD. Oh what I wouldn't give for one of Eyvind Earle's prints. His art makes me all squooshy inside. It makes me dream and sigh. Why does he have to be so darn popular, expensive and very unavailable to create more art??

I also got some other darling presents in which I will be prancing all around since it's been ages since I bought new wearables for myself. (The flowered bikini bottom doesn't count since I can't wear that to lunch.) Hub and I frolicked at a food festival as well. My other present from him was to go birding at a particularly gorgeous beach where I saw my first American oystercatchers and saw a black skimmer fishing for the first time. I could have walked that beach for hours it was so otherworldly gorgeous.

I'm also sick of myself. I'm not sleeping well. Aches and pains are sprouting up all over... all the things that happen as a cycle goes on too long. I gave in. I popped my first Provera this cycle. (Isn't it odd to call it a "cycle" when nothing's actually happening?)

Fun Food Friday - 4 days late

I can't believe I forgot about Fun Food Friday! I haven't been feeling in the mood lately, so I guess that's it.

So for this kinda sorta FFF, I'm going to choose.... ALL THE FOOD IN WHOLE FOODS'S HOT BUFFET! Every single time Hub and I get it, we are both left feeling very satisfied. The food is delicious and so fun and different. We each get a variety and then share with one another. He had a brown rice curry pilaf with peanuts, carrots, raisins and other yummies that was to die for. All that yumminess and I can find teas that don't have much added sugar that I can drink! They even have agave nectar by the napkins so I can add that. Thank God for Whole Foods.

Cycle Day 52

No ovulation that I can discern. No AF. Trying to let my body figure it out, but worrying all the while about that lining getting thicker and thicker...

My birthday is coming. A working body would have been a nice present. Note that I've long been done with thinking about how a pregnancy would be nice for my "next birthday." The silver hairs are popping up more often now. Time just keeps ticking.

Of the Unwritten

Does anyone else feel like they're losing brain cells from watching the debates? No? Maybe I'm just losing brain cells period.

Seriously. The moderator seems to be just holding the question place and not prompting true debate. (I know she's supposed to do this ok? I don't have to like it.) If I hear the words "nucular, "eye-ran" or "eye-rak" one more time, I may have to look for those pencils for my ears again. If the veep candidates smile and pretend they agree one more time, I may have to make juvenile puking motions. It is a brief thrill when I see each one hit on a subject with which they are comfortable, thus more well spoken and passionate about.

I know I've been quiet lately. It's partly due to the fact that a lot of my attention has been overtaken by this race and by the huge tides of change hitting our country from all sides. This change has definitely hit home for us in that I don't think we will ever live in the comfort of which we once dreamt. I believe that we are on the precipice of a new U.S. There have been rumblings for quite some time now but the roaring is just starting. I told Hub the other night that some day (God willing) we will be going through our childrens' and grandchildrens' history books and lessons, and this period in our history will have its own major section. They will analyze and agonize over the decisions made and actions taken.

I just feel very above my own being right now. I feel a part of something bigger. Naivete? Maybe. But if that's what allows me to keep the hope that my citizenship in this country means something, that it allows me to help direct not only my life, but the course of my home, then I'll keep it. The ache to be a mother still tightens my chest multiple times every single day. But the ache to be the kind of citizen of this country and of the world from which our children will benefit is just as strong. That's partly what I've been holding in. That's what I've left so uncharacteristically unwritten.