A Post All About Blood for Halloween!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

So I went in for the big blood draws today. (Yikes Mel with your 26 vials!!) Mine ended up being somewhere around 16 or 17 vials. RE had told me some of the tests were fasting and to go in on an empty stomach. Well, I don't do fasting well under the best of circumstances (faint, dizzy etc). My body certainly wasn't going to take it well when I had to have blood taken!

He started with the big needle so that the blood would come faster. He explained to me that what probably happens is that the needle moves and pushes more into the vein when switching vials, and that's what caused the pain. It happened this time too (and on top of it, I gave him the arm from the IV. I think it's still not healed completely.) I wish I had your nurse Chips! So after about 5 vials, he switched to my right arm where he used the butterfly needle. If anyone has lots of vials to do, the butterfly needle is MUCH better as it doesn't move as much when switching vials. The drawback is that it takes longer.

Anyway, a few minutes into that operation and I started to feel the familiar hot feeling in my head that precedes nausea. I tried to ignore it and will it away but no such luck. When I started feeling like I might hurl on his shoes, I decided I should give him a warning. He pulled that needle out so fast I barely saw it move! I think he was also very afraid of possible shoe re-decoration.

After I composed my heaving stomach in the restroom, he told me that that was too much blood for me to give on an empty stomach. And just so all of you know, I've seen my own blood (and been in actual operation settings with animals) many times, so it's not that that caused the distress. They're going to see if they have enough blood to run the fasting tests, and then my normal phlebotomist (whom I love) will finish the rest with me on a happily full stomach.

Thanks Melissa, Yoda and Fertilize Me as well! Yoda, you actually were very helpful, so don't fret. :) It's great to have you all as a sounding board! You rock!

Oh.. and period? Still very weird.

So soon?

Hey! Look at that! After my comment about "holding the fort," things start to happen. Ooooh wait. It's because I was relaxed! That's it! *evil snicker*

On that note, AF kinda sorta decided to show her face yesterday. **WARNING TMI ALERT** I had light red flow for about 2 hours, but since then it's not been normal in color, flow or consistency. **ALERT OVER** I know, that wasn't so bad, but some people are really sensitive about that stuff. I considered it Cycle Day 1 anyway since the very same thing happened to me last cycle (pre-lap), and it never did get any better. I had my cyst scan today to start the process, and RE and nurse didn't seem to think it was much to worry about, but they're checking my progesterone and E2 levels just to be sure. (no cysts either)

Due to my extreme paranoia about all things pregnancy related now (especially since this is my last try for a long time), I asked if we could possibly run the antibody panel... you know, for antiphospholipid antibodies and all that? The doctor said ok, but then I found out that since they want to run progesterone and E2 as well, that's NINETEEN TESTS. How many vials is that? Ten or so? It's just that when they did the PCOS panel a long time ago, it really hurt my arm to have so many vials drawn. I don't remember how many there were for that panel, but I think it was less than 10. And I have to do this fasting. Has anyone done this? Can you give me insight or tell me if it's not so bad? Any advice is appreciated! I know it seems like I'm being a baby; especially after everything I've done so far. It's just that I hate that horrible throbbing ache in the arm from a needle stuck in too long. Humor me please?

Just holding the fort...

Thanks everyone, for your kind thoughts about my upcoming 2 years. Like Yodasmistress, I don't know when my exact date is, but it's coming rather too quickly for my liking. I remember when we started this adventure (?) that I could see no reason why I wouldn't be pregnant by age 30. It was inconceivable to me that it would go on this long. And yes, I know many have been trying so much longer, but we (at least in my case) always seem to think "It won't happen to us," or "My problem won't be that bad." I don't know if it's good or bad, but I'm a lot more realistic and a touch more pessimistic than I was before all this. I also like to think I've matured a lot. And that's a great thing. I'm happy to have the greater sensitivity that I now have. I am not proud of some of my thoughts on infertility before I experienced it.

As for my daily life, it's just chugging along. I just finished my last progesterone pill, and I think AF ("Aunt Flo" - menses) is just around the corner. I'm excited that it's happening so quickly as it usually takes about 5 days for me. The minute I get AF, I call the clinic for my cyst scan and we're on to Femara and the "Last IUI." (I thought that deserved capitals.)

The weather is finally starting to settle. It's always cooler in the evenings and mornings in October, but the days can range from Summer hot to pleasantly mild (at least for Fla.. mild is 80's). But now we're seeing low 80's during the day more consistently, and we only hit the high for a few hours. Ahhhh Florida winter here we come. I LOVE IT.

The hubby got Guitar Hero III for his birthday and is in hog heaven! I like Guitar Hero too, but played myself out a bit. He's still completely gung ho! He also got Kingdom Hearts, and that I'm becoming a little obsessed with. Anyone else have games they love that they'd like to share? My all-time favorite is Okami.

See why I haven't updated? Not a lot going on. :) Just the day to day.. which I guess is ok with me.

Cheers!

Newsflash

This just in... Pregzilla is currently on the loose! But beware of her chameleon like nature. She lures unwitting victims with sweet words and protestations of innocence, only to drag them to their doom later! Lock your doors and guard your loved ones. No one is safe!

In all seriousness, she has told someone else I hate her because she's pregnant and I'm not. *giant snort* I don't actually hate her. That would take up too much energy. And I'm sure it's a waste of my time to explain that I'm actually just careful around her for fear of getting too close, only to be put on the sh*tlist of death again.

On a good note, another of my friends is pregnant. She decided to "let it happen if it happened," and "fell" pregnant a month later. I'm very happy for her, as she's going to be a good Mom. I'm also jealous as Hell that she had the luxury of not even planning, but I'm still trying to curtail that part of my reaction (see this post for my current view.) The great thing about this is that she finally realizes why I have reason to be so concerned and upset. She spent a lot of time telling me that 2 yrs isn't a long time and that I worried too much. Now that it's happened for her so quickly, I think she has more of an inkling. At least she's stopped telling me those things, and that's all I really care about.

*Disclaimer: I have not yet been trying 2yrs. It's just looming very close on the horizon

Lap Update & Other News

First of all, can I complain for just a moment about how *&!#$ HOT it is right now? Florida is toying with us. We get beautiful fall weather (fall for Fla anyway) one day, and it's in the 90's and humid the next. argh. Oh well. I still love this state and wouldn't trade it for the cold north. I did my time there.

OK, enough with the trivialities. My laparoscopy bruise has now faded to a light yellow, and I can wear clothes that actually fit around the waist without discomfort! Furthermore, my incision sites have all healed up and are barely noticeable. *I* know my belly button looks different, but no one else does. ;-)

And for even more exciting news, I just got matched for a patient mentor program with my clinic! I really hope it works out, and I can be helpful to these people. I won't be talking about it more on here to respect their privacy. But I just had to share that it feels so great to be doing something positive with this cesspool that is infertility.

The Clinical Endocrinologist

Pretty imaginative title eh? I didn't feel like thinking up something witty.

So I went to the clinical endocrinologist (CE) yesterday. That's different from the RE in that they treat all sorts of endocrine issues whether or not the person is trying to conceive. It was a nice office with nice people, but considering their multiple and dire warnings about what would happen if I were late, it took quite a long time to see the doctor. They were about an hour late.

Anywho, the doctor was very very nice, and very on top of treatment options and the newest research for pcos and hypothyroid. Despite RE's vague protests to the contrary, she confirmed that I did indeed have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. This further proves my hypothesis that my doctor has no idea who I am from one visit or question to the next. (He had said something like it wasn't Hashi's because your tsh has to be high for that and mine's low and other ramblings. btw.. mine is high) I'm SO jealous of all you who actually get to e-mail questions to your docs!!

The CE told me that there was nothing I could do to lower my antibodies, but that it only increased my risk of miscarriage by a little. Now, how much pcos raises the risk when added to the mix, I didn't ask. She's going to run another TSH/Free T-4 panel and a baseline ultrasound (though she thinks I don't really need it) in 2 wks. Then she'll reevaluate my treatment and see me again in 2 mos. I have to say, it's very reassuring to have someone who knows something about this problem taking care of me even after my ttc is over. I was very worried about that. And she seems to really treat the problem based on bloodwork AND symptoms. Unique idea, that.

Oh, and as far as the usage of glucophage to treat pcos, she agrees with RE in that they used to use it for every pcos patient, and it was the golden pill. However, she also agrees that the research now is a little murky as to how much it helps, and what the particulars are. I'm always so impressed with RE's interest in staying current, so it was nice to see that she agreed with him.

To learn more about the debate over "normal" TSH ranges, click here: The TSH Normal Range: Why is there Still Controversy?

O.prah also apparently "came out" about her thyroid problems recently. I didn't see the show, so have no idea whether I would have liked what she said or not. If anyone did and wants to weigh in, please leave some comments! I am glad of the increased awareness she brings however. The expert she had on that show has a very interesting website. Some of her mystical, "girls are repressed, so they get sick" stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but her science based information is very interesting.

I'm almost as passionate about this information as I am about the complete infertility piece, so bless you if you had the patience to read this far. ;-)

In other news, I took my first Provera tonight! In about 3 weeks, we'll be on the way to a new IUI cycle! I'm both excited and completely freaked. The failures are really starting to kill me each time. I hope I don't go through the depression/anger phase I went through on the last cycle that didn't work.

Relaxed and Happy

I'm back from a relaxing time that was definitely needed. Thanks hubby, for making it happen!

In other news, I have now been on glucophage (met) for one week and have not had one single side effect! I am so deliriously happy about this that I could possibly break into song at any moment. I am the Side Effect Queen of the Universe, so to not have any with this drug that is so notorious is exhilarating. Just call me Maria.

Tomorrow I head to the clinical endocrinologist. Why not add more to the mix? It will be FUN!

More IF Coverage! Let's keep it going!

I had a lot of mixed emotions about the recent Oprah IF based show. I tossed around the idea of writing a piece on it for a while, but I so completely agree with Julie at A Little Pregnant that I've decided to link to her blog to show my support.

Besides, I will never match her ease and skill with words, so reading it on her blog will be much more fun.

I've been tagged!

Seussgirl tagged me to list 7 quirks/unusual things about myself in my blog. Should be fun!

1. I like to sit on the floor... not for dinner or anything, just when hanging out. I don't know why. It perplexes many of my hosts, believe me.

2. If I read a book that's part of a series, I have to read them all (unless they go on forever like Xanth or something.) And I absolutely CANNOT read them out of turn.

3. I love how things feel. I am often almost as entranced by toddler toys that are made out of fun materials as toddlers themselves are.

4. I am highly smell oriented. If I smell something bad, I will ferret it out until I can get rid of it. On the other hand, I love the smell of crayons and books; two things that bring back wonderful memories. I'm also tuned in to how people smell... not just their perfume, but that YOU smell. ya know what I mean? (See.. quirky. ;-)

5. I have a thumb that I can pop out of joint and lock in place. It's gross, and it hurts, but I can do it.

6. I regularly have dreams so crazy and vivid they could be complete movies. (although sometimes those movies would be completely wacked out)

7. I like to mix different drinks together. For example: I think it's fun to mix cherry coke with iced tea, or ginger ale with root beer etc.

I'm sure DH is thinking I have MUCH weirder things than these, but this is what I came up with. If he would like to post some in his comments, he's more than welcome. (Just remember dear, that this is my anonymous blog, so no identifying info!)

I tag Allison, Journey to Junior and Kristen

The Consult

So here is one of the photos from my lap. DH got it slightly wrong when he told me about the cyst. It was actually attached to the end of my tube. RE thought that it probably wasn't hurting anything, but that it could only help to remove it since it was pulling my tube down a little. The cyst is the little round thing on the bottom left. (I know. Quite the technical terms here.)

RE reiterated that it all looked good in there. He says that no one is positive why women with hormonal disturbances can have such painful menstruation without endometriosis. He says they think it's that prostoglandins build up in the walls of your uterus and cause pain during the necrosis of the endometrial tissue. Yeah. I don't completely get it either, but I understand it means that hormones cause it. He also confirmed that I'm healing nicely (albeit with a pretty yellow and purple bruise around my belly button.)

We talked about next steps, and RE suggested that we may want to think about injectibles/trigger/iui for the next round. I had been thinking about that too, but I think I'd like to give Femara/trigger/iui one more try. We've only done it twice, and the first time did result in a bfp even though it didn't last. I've produced 2 mature follies each of the 3 times I've taken Femara (letrazole), so I think I respond pretty well. He was also at a loss as to why we weren't successfully pregnant yet despite the lack of any other factors. Because of this, he'd like to try me on a low dose of glucophage. I'm very leery of that drug because I don't want the side effects! haha. But I will do what I have to to achieve our goal.

My head is already swimming with ideas for how to maintain a healthy diet that will best achieve our pregnancy goal. I can't stand all this juggling! It seems like EVERYTHING is off limits! Because I'm so overwhelmed, I've decided to go back to basics and cut out the sugar, refined (and most complex) carbs, and preservatives. I'm also still going to try to buy organic when possible. RE also told me to stop eating so much flax because it has estrogen qualities that can halt ovulation. Great. NOW he tells me. It's been in the record that HE wrote from my first consult that I take a flax seed oil caplet every day, but he waits until NOW to tell me not to take it! Geez. Thanks.

Overall though, everything is looking good. RE thinks there's no reason to think we won't achieve our goal without IVF, which is good considering we are not going to do IVF. I'm also very happy with his surgical skills, as the main scar is all INSIDE my belly button and hardly visible at all. The other one is so little and so low that no one will ever see it. :)

I hope we're making all the right decisions. It seems like the right one for me, but I always second guess when I decide to not do something that's more aggressive. (ie the injectibles). So I start progesterone in a week to bring on AF and then the craziness starts all over again!

No More Pity Parties

A dear friend of mine just found out that her unborn baby girl has D.own's Sy.ndrome. I've been feeling for a while that I throw just a few too many pity parties for myself when so many other people have their own individual issues.. each unique and challenging as the last.

This is the beginning of a new chapter for me. I will be supportive of all my friends and family. I will be optimistic and hopeful with a healthy dash of realism, and I will strive to not be the "assvisor" to any more of my loved ones than I already have. I will be grateful for all my gifts, while acknowledging my trials and shortcomings. I hope this makes it easier on those around me dealing with their own issues. I can't pretend I won't have my weak moments, but I can swear to do my best.

And to our friends, we love you and support you unconditionally. Lean on us any time.

The Short Version

Hi everyone! You are all SO kind, helpful and comforting. I know I haven't been commenting much, but I have been reading. Even though this wasn't a huge procedure, coming on here and seeing your words of encouragement meant a lot to me.

Mom is currently occupied, so I have a few minutes to type out some of my thoughts. I am 99.9% ecstatic and relieved that I don't have to add endometriosis to my "ttc with pcos and hypothyroid" tagline. I'm also happy that I have that worry off my shoulders health-wise. For the other .1%, I'm mixed up over whether it was the right decision (though it is nice to know) and why I have some of the problems I do, and what the docs are going to think about this. But more about that after I have my consult.

As for the procedure itself, I feel like it couldn't have gone more smoothly. I had my pre-op work up the day before, and everything went well. Well - except for the one nurse who looked at my chart and clucked, "A hysterectomy?? You're so young!" There was a small explosion somewhere between my eyes as I goggled at her speechlessly. I was finally able to stammer, "a hyster-oscopy, not a hysterectomy." As a result I spent much of the night before dreaming of mistaken hysterectomies.

Despite our lack of sleep, we somehow managed to drag our butts to the hospital to check in by 5:30am. I was having lots of doubts by this time of course, but soldiered on. The whole team at the hospital were so kind and helpful. I couldn't believe how wonderfully I was treated.

They took me back first, did all my vital stats and then settled me in with my beautiful hospital issue and fresh warm blankets. I even had a little TV by my head! No one told me you get a TV! What did I watch? Animal Planet of course. I waited a while until the nurse came in and started my IV. It wasn't my idea of fun, but she did a great job of not hurting me and getting it on the first stick.

Next came the pastor. They had asked for my religious affiliation on my forms, and I gave it, assuming it was for the administration of last rights or something in case of the worst. (I know, so dramatic.) Anyway, it wasn't. It was so he could come in and pray for me. I felt a little like a fraud since I am sure there were people who needed his services in that hospital much more than I did. But he was very kind and comforting.

My anesthesiologist came in at this point, and he worked hard with me to make sure that I wouldn't have too much nausea and that I would get the correct amount of anesthesia. He was just so nice. They had allowed my husband back by this time.

Since I looked so calm (mostly I was dead tired), the anesthesiologist asked if I preferred to go back without the "happy drugs," as it could cause nausea as well. I agreed, and it was actually pretty neat to see the OR with non drug clouded eyes. I even got to ask questions as they were preparing. The Bio geek in me was so excited.

I don't remember anything after him telling me the anesthesia was going in. I woke up in the OR groggy and talking as much as my sore threat would allow of course. I asked to see the doctor and the nurse said I wouldn't remember him if he came in. HAH to her! I remember our conversation. (most of it anyway)

The RE talked to DH and told him everything looked great apart from that one cyst, and gave him photos. (Would it be appropriate to scan them here? If anyone has input on that, please comment.)

It took me a long time to be able to move without feeling dizzy and nauseated and to come completely out of the anesthesia. After that, it took me forever to produce enough urine to satisfy the recovery Nazis (actually very nice nurses). We didn't get to go home until 5pm!! Surgery was at 7:30 and took 39 minutes.

The gas wasn't bad at all for me. I would get bubbles of it every now and then that were a little intense, but I swear I was burping them out!! Is that possible?? I would feel it move up into my chest, and then I would burp! I have one small incision in my "ahem" hairline, and one that goes across and down the inside of my belly button. That one bled a bit afterwards, but is ok. They both burn some. My belly muscles are sore, and my left ovary twinges every now and then. My "girly bits" get some shooting spasms off and on, but that's ok too. I get stiff and walk a little like an old lady, but all in all it's not too bad. It was much worse when I fell off the horse last year. Oh, I also look about 4 mos pregnant. How's that for irony?

Well, I think that's all for now. I only needed to take one pain pill. I've used Tylenol mostly. I got off lucky with this light diagnosis and mild probing.

Come on. Did you actually believe me when I said it was the short version??

Off to enjoy my bday and my Mom. HUGS to all!

All is Well

I'm not feeling totally fab yet, so this is a quick post. I lose the bet by a HUGE long shot. The doctor was completely shocked. I do not have ANY endo and all looks completely healthy in there. I'll ask him next week why he was so certain I did and why I have those symptoms. I had one cyst on my left ovary that he removed. That one was bothering me.

In the meantime, my mom has come to surprise me.
Love
FCIF

And the countdown is on.

My lap/hyst is in less than 2 days. DH and I are placing bets on where he'll find adhesions. (Man will we be in for a shock if he doesn't!) I'm going for bowel, left ovary and a little on the right, some on the uterus, the bladder, and that complicated sounding area that they're always saying causes "intimate" discomfort. Anyone willing to place their bets? ;-}

So far, my checklist for Friday (the big day!) is this:

• pillow for tummy
• loose fitting clothes
• soup, jello and other smooth things in case of a sore throat
• pick up pain killers
• bring a pad
• ask anesthesiologist for "anti-barf-o-rama" meds.
• ask above (that word is a bitch to type out) to - makesureIdon'twakeuppleasethankyou! Aunt and Mom have both woken up in surgery.
• Prepare to use the Hub as a security blanket. ;-)

Does anyone else have recommendations for what I should do/expect? And please, those of you who've done it, please leave me notes saying it's going to be fine! I know it's not a major surgery, but that doesn't stop it from freaking me out just a teensy weensy wittle bit.

As for my poll... It looks like my assumptions were way off! Of course it's not in the SLIGHTEST scientific so who knows what the real answer is. hahaha. RE seems to think that all this talk about endometriosis being autoimmune related is not true, and that it's probably more a structural thing. hmm. By the way, have you all noticed how blogger says that all of our IF terms are misspelled? Highly annoying. ADD THEM TO YOUR LIST, YA BUMS!

Better...

Grandfather is home (with a nurse 24 hrs) and stable. We should have a little more time with him at least.

My ultrasound and pre-op consult has been rescheduled (for the 3rd time) for Wednesday. My hospital blood work and tour are still on for Thursday. Work is gonna love this. I'll be sure to update when I go. Does anyone have any input on what I should ask at the consult? I have a few ideas, but welcome more!

This morning, as I snuggled in bed half asleep, I swear as hubby leaned over to peck my cheek, I heard him say, "I am so lucky." He maintains that he doesn't remember what he said, but it still left me with warm fuzzies. It's times like these when I realize that despite the ttc hardships, I have a damn good life and marriage. I have to remember that I've already been blessed many times over.

UDPATE: I finally also have an endocrinologist appointment! They did the whole, "Don't call us, we'll call YOU" thing, but I don't have enough patience for that. I called them and they worked me in!