*Sniffle*

Oh the glory and the horror of having a babysitter watch your baby on your extra day off while you get big house projects finished.

Tiny Prints and Christmas Prep

I have decided that this year I will prepare early for Christmas because it actually seems possible now. I've finally adjusted as much as I'm going to to being a full time working Mom. I fought it and tried to find a way around it, but there's just nothing for it. I've got to be happy that we have enough money coming in and a good healthcare plan through my employer. But there will always be that bit of sadness that I couldn't wallow in my baby's sweetness and willingness to love on Mommy while it's here.

But I'm definitely digressing. The point is, I'm trying to time manage much better. Do you remember last year? Things weren't so easy there as Christmas came upon us. I don't want that to happen again. So this year, I started investigating card options early and found that Tiny Prints was offering cards in exchange for a blog post where I could say anything I want about their cards! Usually I shy away from any sort of reward for product endorsement or review, but I felt really comfortable with this because they saved my butt last year. I did a lot of research online for a company that would let me do all my card prep online, including sending them out to family members, and Tiny Prints was the only one that I felt was reasonable. Their system is so easy to use. It allows you to catalog your favorites and keep an address book of recipients. I have heard lots of people express despair over fully printed Christmas card giving, but for me that year it was either that or no cards at all. I chose to employ help.

There was definitely an upcharge for the extra options, and it was a lot more expensive than sending out my own cards, but it was worth it at the time. It was also one of the most reasonably priced options on the internet. We were very pleased with how our cards turned out, and now it holds a special place in our memory box as our first Christmas card as a family.

This year's?

A portion of the proceeds from this card go to the Epidermolysis Bullosa Medical Research Foundation’s efforts to cure the skin disorder that affects thousands of children each year.You can choose from other options that help different charities. I like that.

This year, I think I'll send my own out from Tiny Prints because I have gotten a bit of a better handle on this Mommy thing, but this is one of those "Mommy club" things I felt left out on before E - sending a photo Christmas card. I didn't mind when others did it, but it stung that if I did, it would just be me and Hub... looking pretty much the same.  And by damn, now that I can have fun with it, I'm going to glory in it!

Bedtime Saga Updated

So we realized that E no longer seemed as comfy in his crib, so we fluffed it up a bit, and his naptime improved dramatically. He had longer, more restful sleeps and went down without crying again.
As for the other steps in our training plan, we got through step 6 with flying colors. He had been fighting all bedtime and crying in the middle of the night even with me. We got to where he ran eagerly fir bedtime and only took minutes to fall asleep rather than hours. And there was no more wailing in the middle of the night. We even started on step 7 and didn't have a lot of angst at first. I pulled the futon up beside his crib and snuggled in. He threw a fit... A fit that didn't stop. He kept asking for the "bed." He started to heave and gag.
At this point, I conceded defeat and asked him if he wanted a big boy bed like "Caillou." He said yes and we talked more about a bed while he indicated he didn't like the crib. We had wondered about this. So sadly now he doesn't want to go to sleep at all again, and we're resetting. We're also at the sad junction of realizing that we now need to really toddler proof his room and convert his crib to a bed. Nothing big I guess seeing as it's not like he's ever been a fabulous sleeper for more than a month at a time. It's more an emotional adjustment. There's a lot of worry about his safety, and a little angst about this big neon, "I'm not a baby!" flashing sign.
We will adjust the plan to his new bed as soon as it's ready. Oh my baby. In the meantime, I welcome advice and thoughts.

Small Success

Tonight, for the first time in weeks, and after day 3 of our training plan, E wasn't nervous about his room, asked to go to bed, and fell asleep quickly and easily! Yay for the right path!

Addendum to Training Plan

Note that we will move him to crib sleeping as soon as he's falling and staying asleep easier in bed with me. And in addition to spooky and scary, he's saying Die and Dead. Wth? He acts freaked out about it too. Could he possibly have any idea??

Training Plan for my Toddler

E is in a phase of SERIOUS sleep regression. We're talking sleep regression in every way possible. Part of it is developmental I'm sure. He's saying a lot of, "Scary Mommy! Spooky." and "Not comfy!" But there are more issues that aren't really important to delve into here. Suffice it to say, it got to the point where I said to myself, "Barb. Think about this from a training perspective. Addressing all this little issues is just slapping a temporary band aid on them and not treating the whole problem." So after talking to Hub and Jen, I did just that.

So now you get to see what a real training plan in action looks like. (Crying it out failed spectacularly) And it may fail. And we may need to retrain. But that's ok. We have a plan and consistency, and that helps. So here goes...

1. Play time in E's bedroom and crib before bed. 
2. Upon bedtime, go straight to our room and have him wind down by stories and him "talking it out" (he seems to need this now) before falling asleep.
3. Repeat for 2-3 days.
4. Add reading books in the rocker to play time in E's room. 
5. Repeat steps 1-4 for 2-3 days or until the rocker seems comfy.
6. Add turning lights off and singing while in rocker (he's been weird about the dark even with a night light)
7. Repeat steps 1-6 until he is comfortable.
8.Try putting him in the crib after adding some more "comfy" stuff, and Mommy may stay to help him.
9. At this point, either go back a few steps if there is a fail, or phase Mommy out of staying by reducing time in there. This step is still in development depending on his reaction.

The end.

Sleep Help

E is acting very afraid (spooky Mommy!) of his own bedroom suddenly. We think nightmares have been had. Help?

Letters to Babybutt

Dear E,
Oh my darling, wonderful boy. Things have been busy, and I've neglected my love letters to you. You are 20 and a HALF months old now, and there are so many things to say! YOU have so much to say. You are a full fledged, full thinking, intelligent, loving little boy. No more baby I'm afraid. The other night I called to say I was coming home from work, and Daddy let you answer the phone. You said, "Hewwo mommy! Mommy come home?" Then you told me all about the "Wan Mowas." It took my breath away to hear such a big boy!
You still love letters and words. Numbers are fun too. You can count to 10, but words are your true love. "Supa Why" is your hero, and I'm pretty sure he's the reason you know the letters you do. Oh we tried to teach you too, but nothing compares to that weirdly convoluted group of digi animated kids whose "super big problems" include, "What do I do if Dad can't tie my shoes?" (use your super word powers after mangling a classic story, that's what!)
But anyway, your water obsession has reached an almost mindless zombie stage. Luckily you're still pretty easy going so the tantrums aren't too bad. You've shown lots of potty interest and initiative and have started imaginative play. Mommy and Daddy have so much fun with that.
So sorry about the miserable teething and allergies my babe. I know it's "scwatchy," and we both wish we could take it on for you. You're just happy with us scratching it for you though. Love it when you stick your leg out in front of us and request it.
Singing is an awesome interest right now, and we never tire of asking you to sing the ABCs, Winnie the Pooh, or any of the many in your repertoire.
Daddy and I both consider it an honor to be your parents. You're delightful.
Love you kiddo,
M

Hub Speak

What he says: "I'm not napping. I'm just resting my eyes a bit."
What he really means: "I'm going to be unconscious and snoring in 2 seconds, and that will last at least an hour... Just so you know."

Apropos of Nothing

• Feeling kinda like a bitter, evil human being lately. Why?? Eff you hormones.
• Bedtimes have been a real struggle lately as well. Here's to hoping we power through and come out on the other side with a good routine.
• E has been starting to come out with random thoughts like, "I wike juice!" or, "I call Daddy!" It's cute.
• He's also remembering things and bringing them up. He's keen to tell us over and over how a cloud of bugs got in his face last week. He also brought up last night (we had a good long conversation before bedtime) how I "dwop cwothes!" when Jen was here. I left them on a Disney tram, and he remembered that it bothered me. I had forgotten to tell him I got them back, so we had to rectify that oversight.
• I'm really excited about Halloween. I've always loved that holiday. I just wish we got more kids trick or treating at our house. It bums me out. :(

My poor little man seems to have inherited my intensely dreaming ways.

Thanks for all the comments on the last post. It made me feel a bit better.

Grumpy

I'm really grumpy with blogging right now, and I'm not sure why. I mean, I know some of the things I'm grumpy about, but I'm not sure why they're bothering me, and I'm not sure what's stopping me from writing even though I have ideas. I'm just in a bit of a pissy mood in general lately, so perhaps it's because dear AF is on her way or some other hormonal balance for which I'm famous. (Maybe just locally, but you know what I mean.)

On the bright side, we went into a Sedano's grocery store for the first time today and were delighted by cheap, delicious empanadas de pollo along with a wonderful lady selling them who didn't speak much English. I don't speak much Spanish, so together we taught each other and bumbled our laughing way through a conversation. Our next stop was the ice cream/sherbet counter where we had a mix of tamarindo (tamarind), mango and guanabana (pronounced gwa-NA-va-NA - yes I mangled it at first) sherbet. The lady there was a delight too. We will surely be going back. As I've mentioned before, most Hispanic cultures (particularly the women) delight me. I come from a very expressive family and have spent a lot of my life becoming more quiet and trying to tone down my reactions so as not to appear, "so emotional." It's too tiring to explain to people that that's just the way we are. But when I'm surrounded by Colombians or Chileans or many other nationalities in those parts, I feel at ease and happy. It's nice to live here.

So to sum up, I'm a grump who still gets a high off food and happy people. What do you do when you feel this way about blogging? Perhaps it's that I'm not getting much of a high off it anymore? Any thoughts welcome.

Parenting Funnies

Seriously. Read this. So true, and you will bust a gut.

Http://crappypictures.typepad.com

Today

As we went out the door today, E was distracted by the grass, the bugs, the driveway... So I said, " Hey E! Want to go play with Dibits right now?" He said, "Yes you DO!" and did the toddler run toward me.

Too bad I don't have that kind of motivation regularly.

Oedipus

When I lie prostrate on the floor, E always jumps on my chest and snuggles me. Sometimes he even pushes me to that position to do so. Daddy misses getting so many hugs, so I told him to try it tonight.

E cuddled him for a brief moment, then pounded his little fist on Hub's chest and said in his high, sweet voice, "Dead? Dead?" and came back to me. Oh dear.

Disclaimer: I don't for a moment imagine that E really knows what he said/did. I imagine it's something he got from daycare.

Strangers Can Still Be Kind

Today Hub, E and I were eating at Panera Bread (yum) for dinner. A lady next to us said, "Excuse me, but I would just so hate for this to go to waste. There are people starving in the world...." She trailed off and indicated to the half a bagel and full package of cream cheese remaining on her plate.

Hub graciously accepted, and she hastened to give him a napkin and plastic knife she hadn't touched. I liked the feeling of that. I like that she offered so kindly and conscientiously. I like that I'm married to a man who always seems to believe and participate in a world community where that can still happen. And I like that E witnessed it all.

I Remember

Ten years ago today, I was drawn to my mother's living room from my old bedroom because of concerned sounds and a special report issuing from the TV. There had been a plane crash it seemed... Right into a World Trade Center tower. How strange and horrible an accident!

But our family was very preoccupied and only half watching the news. The horror was hard to process through the fresh grief of the passing of a dear child in our family - only 12 years old. It was 2 days after the family's vigil by his bedside in a big Pennsylvania children's hospital that I had flown from my home in New York to attend.

In the hours that followed, we if course learned the truth and feared for family in DC. We also were horrified at the thought that his body was supposed to be driven through roads shut down by the crash in Shanksville.

In the end, we were able to drive in muted grief with his mother to help her pick out something to put in his casket that day. It was under eerily quiet skies. His funeral proceeded, and I begged my mom to drive with me back to NY rather than have to fly.

I don't usually post much about shared or other people's tragedies. I just don't feel I have much to add. I don't feel that I can contribute words with enough depth to properly memorialize or honor the victims. But this time, 10 years later for some reason, I felt the need to remember that sweet soul in our family and that horrible day in writing. God bless all who have experienced these trying times in our history and those dealing with personal trials. Love to all.

Training Forum - Comments Discussion

About two weeks ago, I posted a Training Tutorial to follow up with all the thoughts on positive reinforcement training technique. I am hoping for these posts to inspire questions and great discussion surrounding this subject? Why? Because frankly I love talking about it, and it's fun! In a serious vein though, the more we understand behavior and how it is shaped, the better off our animals, loved ones and co-workers will be.

I had 3 great comments on that post that I wanted to share. Jen's thought was that it would indeed be fun to train the little dog to station to the carpet when the doorbell rang and when the garage door went up. I share it here simply because I thought it was great thinking that next step out ahead of time. In most cases, it would probably be best to train one instance first and then the other so as to avoid confusion and deterioration of the behavior. So maybe we would focus on the doorbell first. My thought was to train the behavior on a verbal and pointing cue first, then pair that cue with the doorbell ringing. When it seemed good and solid, you could drop the verbal and only use the pointing and doorbell. Eventually you could try to drop the point or see if he went there automatically when the doorbell rang and drop it. After that was good and solid, you could do the same with the sound of the garage door. Obviously this training would work better with 2 people. It's fun to think about though and would be a great behavior to train! This brings up the thought that often, when trainers go to the pound looking for dogs, they are looking for the "problem" and "overactive" dogs. The ones that seem frantic for a job usually make the best show animals. The little dog is one such character. He's so frantic for a job that training him is a breeze. Trin, on the other hand, is very smart but has to be taken along much more slowly. Her trust has to be earned the hard way, and care has to be taken even with sudden movements or louder sounds. This is a case where the clicker might not be the best bridge to use. It's just too harsh.

Natalie says:

This makes me think back to when I attempted to train my dog Zoe. She's such a freakin airhead she constantly gets over-excited and starts offering every behavior in the book, then gets confused, then gets upset and overwhelmed. My first dog was easy to train - highly food motivated (though lazy), and smart. The shepherd is easy to train, though after the initial training finding motivation he will actually listen to is hard work - he's easily distracted by things and ignores all training if something else is going on.

It's so hard to know from reading it, but Zoe might just be in line with the little dog. Those dogs usually need a "job" to do even between behaviors. Sometimes those dogs do very well with going to "their spot" or "station" each time the craziness starts just to reset. These dogs usually need very short sessions that end on a good note if at all possible. The sessions can be lengthened bit by bit, but when I say short, 30 seconds is not out of the question. Whatever length of time is the time her attention span keeps, shorten it by about 20 seconds to end it with her wanting more. Sometimes these animals even need to be trained to focus. Most of the time the focus is assumed and the animal gets it without us consciously training them to do so. But with certain individuals, training them to focus on you at your cue (I just use their name and the word "focus") needs to be the first step in their program. Once they've got it down, move from very easy behaviors to harder ones at their pace. If it's the case of her spazzing out with behaviors that are known and solid, brief time-outs (in which you leave the session by simply turning your back or withholding further stimulus from her for a few seconds) can be warranted. And this is where I repeat that positive reinforcement trainers are not sunshiny morons. They believe it's the best mode when at all possible, but know that we have a toolbox full of techniques to use and that sometimes punishment is necessary. A time-out, though gentle and preferred to physical violence, is a punishment. It's the removal of the opportunity to earn reward and/or your attention. Thus, it's a negative punishment. But it does give the individual time to gather him or herself (animal or human) and get the message across that the current behavior is not working.

Natalie's shepherd sounds like the smart kid in class who gets bored easily. That animal would require inventiveness and for the trainer to be on their game at all times. Training him would not be advised if the trainer were feeling at all subpar at that moment. Changing up behaviors and asking for the unexpected can help, as could keeping sessions short (him wanting more), and changing up reinforcers. But again, it's hard to really know without seeing the sessions. There are just so many variables in the moment (and they are so fun to figure out!) that I wish I could see it. Natalie, if you disagree with anything I've written, have further questions, or have tried some of these things and they did or didn't work, please let us know! I would love the dialogue.

Rebecca says:

So, does this work to teach an old dog new tricks? I mean that LITERALLY. I have two 10-ish year old Italian greyhounds that came to us from an abusive situation and we have done horribly training them. Is it too late? Because all this step by step stuff makes me feel like it might be do-able.

ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY Rebecca!!! I've trained a 13 year old animal who had never had a trainer before in her life with beautiful results. Now does it mean some of your expectations have to be lowered? Of course in some cases. Your 10 year old greyhounds are not going to be running a high intensity agility course, and their motivation for certain rewards may not be as high as it once was. They may even be more set in their ways, so progress could be slower on certain things. Repeated behavior builds confidence and insistence on that behavior. In other words, practice makes perfect, and if they have practiced a behavior a certain way for 10 years, it may take a little while to change. Plus your new relationship may take a little adjustment. However, do it just like I said. Find your most motivating reinforcer. If they are hard to motivate, use that reward ONLY for training. Make sure they aren't overweight. Start small to build confidence for all of you and definitely train a bridge. Were you looking to extinguish unwanted behaviors, train new ones or both?

Note that no matter what you are training be sure to train and keep in your back pocket behaviors that you both enjoy rehearsing. That way training is not just about work, obedience or phasing out "bad" behaviors. It's fun too. We generally only keep up well with things we enjoy to some extent. (who here has trouble with punishing exercise they don't like? I thought so.) So enjoy yourselves!! Have at it in the comments! We learn best by looking at real world situations and discussing all our viewpoints. Thanks for the great comments!

Answers and updates

For all of you who asked, Mr. Shatner was spotted entering a limo outside Hub's convention. So it isn't a big fancy story, but kind of cool anyway.

I was hoping today would be a day of family togetherness and a chance to catch up on horribly neglected housework, but alas it was not to be. E seems to have inherited another tendency of mine - popping his elbow out of its socket. Only we had no idea and worried he'd broken his fingers rolling on them in the middle of the night. The only way we slept at all was with me holding his arm steady. All night. Since nothing was open today, (isn't that always the way?) we ended up in the ER. Poor baby kept asking us to fix it. They got it done there at least, and thank God it wasn't something worse.

I really wish I could have a free week to catch up on projects, necessities and fun stuff like blogging. Ah well.

Thank God for this iPod or I'd be really disconnected. (Thanks Hub! ... And Apple. I love you both!) I just don't find it up to the task more thoughtful posts like my training ones since I have to email them in. Last time I tried Blogger on here it wouldn't work. Any tips?

Vacation Hangover

Coming down and recovering from a vacation of any sort is always a challenge. It's doubly a challenge when you've spent most of it zipping madly back and forth between family members and activities, and workdays flank leave and return time like bookends.

BUT we're returning to normal. We had a fabulous time in beautiful Canada. E enjoyed his cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents very much. William Shatner was seen, maple "weafs" were pointed out repeatedly, art was perused, and wildlife was investigated (bugs are fascinating.) Sleep has also returned to the house thanks to the emergence of one, nasty, stubborn canine. Hallelujah! There are only 3 more to go!

It's always a struggle for me to balance an exciting, busy time with the need to blog. I have such mixed feelings about it. I love when our lives are so full, yet that means when I have the extra time to write, I usually need it to decompress or hell, just sleep instead. That makes me miss blogging. I guess all in all however, that's a pretty awesome conundrum to have.

What about you guys? What things do you drop when you are busy? Would you give up sleep for blogging? Is it the main thing that recharges you?

Next up: we explore some training comments/questions left on the last training post. I want it to be an open forum, so start getting those thinking caps on. I want to do it justice, so it will be done on a day off.