Happy New Year!

Doctor says this baby isn't ready to come out any time soon he thinks. We will discuss Options (yes with a capital O) if it comes to that. All of my pre-labor signs have abandoned me. Thanks body. Ah, I guess I forgive you. You have done a good job of creating him and keeping him safe so far even if you end up needing help bringing him out to live with us.

We are such huge party animals, we are doing the usual (for me at least, Hub would often like more raucous entertainment.) We went out for dinner and now we are waiting for midnight to do sparklers and some whirly things. A nearby property also sets off fireworks that we can see from our driveway. Yes, this is the life.

A Warning: We went to Red Lobster for dinner. I've always found it sufficiently good - especially the biscuits. However, be warned to check your local menu before you go out. They drastically reduced ours. There is still plenty of seafood, but almost nothing for people who prefer non-seafood. Why do we go there you ask? Why because Hub likes it of course, and I like him to be happy. I also like the aforementioned biscuits. But there were literally three chicken choices on the menu: chicken finger appetizers, chicken ceasar salad and a chicken linguine alfredo. Throw in the fact that I suffer from some lactose intolerance, and that does not a happy selection make. They also took out ALL of their dinner salads except the chicken ceasar and drastically reduced their dressing selection. There was no Italian, so they gave me raspberry vinaigrette as a replacement without asking me. YUCK I say. I do NOT like fruit flavored dressing. My salad also had quite a few leaves that had obviously been frozen as they were transparent and floppy/crispy.

And finally, the portions were much smaller than was warranted by the price, and remember how the mashed potatoes used to be yummy? They were garlic if I remember correctly. Now they are QUITE obviously instant. It pretty much tasted the same as if I bought a box of instant and whipped them up myself. I'm sorry, but the potato snob in me (remember my awesome ones from Thanksgiving) will not allow me to let that slide for the price paid.

I know they have to try to make ends meet in lean times, but I just can't imagine paying for that food and selection again.

Otherwise - HAPPY NEW YEAR! haha. We do have LOTS AND LOTS to be thankful for in this year, and I couldn't be more pleased. Be safe and enjoy.

Jumble of Thoughts from Yesterday

The hormones they must be a-changin again. I seem to be in the midst of some no-crazy, which is perfect timing because I was worried about the woe is me I'm home alone crap that happens when I feel like that. (Because I'm off work now!! WOOT! Just in time to save my horribly aching body!) And last night, I did not have night sweats! It's the little things don't ya know. Unfortunately, the random grumpy remains. I just hope this doesn't mean that things continue to NOT happen in there. I have an appointment today. We shall see.

It was very bittersweet to leave my work people last night knowing that I won't be there again for months. I do love my job, and they have been so very good to me. At the same time though, I had definitely reached the limit of my ability to do that job with any sort of efficacy. And the fatigue was awful and caused me emotional stress all day long. Had they not been so kind, things could have been bad.

Note, however, that every place has its annoying person/people, and I'm about to tell you of one of them. She just started on the team and appeared to me by behavior to be about 15, experience perhaps 22 and looks - maybe 24. I can handle her when working only in a professional capacity. When she turns personal, I have to watch my reactions. The interactions I'm about to describe have taken place plenty of times with me reacting to them in different ways in the hopes of diminishing their frequency. Obviously my methods have not yet worked. Here's how much of yesterday went:

Nice co-worker #1: So what does it FEEL like when he kicks? Does it hurt? Can you feel actual body parts from the outside? Is it weird?

Me: As dumb as it sounds, it feels exactly like you would think. It's like there's a little person inside you, bones and all pushing and poking. And no it doesn't hurt anymore unless he gets a tender spot... etc etc.

Annoying co-worker: (just walking in) EEEEEEEEEWWWW! SO GROSS! Ugh.

Me: Silence and completely ignoring (had been my latest tactic)

Later....

Nice co-worker #2: How have you been feeling? Is the pressure getting worse? Have you noticed any contractions increasing?

Annoying co-worker: (again - walking into our conversation) That is just TOO CREEPY. Yuck.

Me: silence

In the company vehicle at the end of the day when I am just DONE....

Nice co-worker #3: So why DO you burn so many calories breast feeding?

Me: Well, you're making sustenance for another human being from your own stores. That takes a lot of energy! And as they need more, you need to make more etc..

Annoying co-worker: Oh my GOD, SO SO GROOOOOOOOOOSSSSS! (and on and on.. not exaggerating I promise you)

Me: REALLY? Really? It isn't GROSS, it's what we DO. We're MAMMALS. We make MILK for our young. How are you from a science background and don't understand this?

Her: But it IS gross. It's just disgusting!

Me: It's what cows do. It's what horses do.

Her: EEEEEEEEWWWW

Me: It's a natural process. It's just ridiculous to be so grossed out by it and so vocal about that to someone you barely know who's doing it. (In my head: If you don't like to talk about it, leave or politely ask if we can change the subject)

Nice co-worker #3: Well, I know I am freaked out a bit by it and right now feel like I couldn't do it (in a slightly hurt tone)

Me: I completely understand that. It's totally normal to feel all those things. What I DON'T understand is thinking it's so incredibly abhorrent and unnatural that you can't even think or talk about it and that you'd express that to my face so obviously. It would be like me saying you hate your future babies for being scared of breast feeding... which I do NOT do.


By the way... annoying co-worker's actual age? 28.

Developments

Tonight Hub and I watched my belly move gently and rhythmically up and down as the babybutt practiced his breathing. Excuse my wonderful English here when I say that it was WAY cool.

You know what else is WAY cool? Tomorrow is my last day at work! Although now I just get to sit at home and be physically more comfortable, but all snarled up in my head. Come on baby! Come be with us soon!

Aggravated

I feel like a restless animal about to give birth that just can't get comfortable and has sudden fits of aggression and/or insecurity. I suppose that's accurate considering I AM an animal very close to giving birth. I'm just so agitated in mind and body. I can't get comfortable. Any wrinkle in my day equates to crazy anxiety for me. I stayed home from work today because I overdid it big time yesterday with some projects. I felt like my pelvis was going to fall apart along with other things. And when I'm at work, I'm paranoid, insecure and uncomfortable. However, now at home I'm lonely, frustrated and feeling guilty - all clear signs that the problem lies with me.

I can only assume hormone craziness is the culprit as usual. Last night it was cold in our home, yet I woke up in night sweats more than once. And the outward remnant Christmas mess and other unfinished projects in our home make it all the worse. When I'm in orderly surroundings, it feels easier to keep myself tied together on the inside. Please tell me it's not just me and that it will get easier as time goes on with the baby. I'm afraid of my wonkiness and afraid that post partum is going to be very difficult. At least my Mom will be here to help me.

The Present that Made Me Cry

From Hub. I had admired it for a long time.

38 Weeks 2 Days

And no sign at all that he wants to meet us anytime soon. (I guess my lovely painful Braxton-Hicks contractions that keep me up every night don't count.) Oh, and I officially feel huge and ungainly now.

Letters and Remembering

So excited about Christmas Eve. I've always loved this holiday, even with the crap, but this year is obviously so much better. My heart is with those of you struggling right now. We still did not put up that dreaded Baby's First Christmas ornament from years ago though. He will have his own next year.

There were a few more things I want to remember about pregnancy before my little goat makes his appearance. But many of these are also things I want him to know. Therefore, I am combining a memory list with a letter to my Babybutt.

I always want to remember:

1. Playing "where's the baby?" with Daddy. You probably think you're well hidden in your dark little cocoon, but that giant lump in my belly? It gives you away every time sweets. Lately though, the baby is pretty much everywhere.

2. How you like to wake up at 3:30 or 4 every morning and go crazy for a half hour or so. I think we can count on that continuing eh? Rocking often gets you back to sleep though.

3. The funny shapes you make out of my belly when I'm in the bath. Do you not like the warm water? This does not bode well...

4. How after a long day/week of work, my body is so sore at night that Daddy has to help me take off my shoes, get ready for my shower, put on my pants etc. He is very patient and kind. You'll like him.

5. How I got all misty about a onesie that said, "Proof that Miracles Happen," and Daddy really took to one that said, "Who Needs a Superhero When You Have Daddy?"

6. There is just SO MUCH of you in there! I feel stuffed full of arms and legs. It's incredible how many bones you have my love.

We reached 38 full weeks on Tuesday. We should have a baby no later than the 12th according to my doctor. How crazy is that? Photos soon. Warning: there has been much dropping and enlarging.

Hub's keepin' it up

All kinds of emotional today. Didn't have a good sleep and had a lot of things go wrong. Hub bolstered me with a phone call, sweet e-mail, and a pumpkin muffin when I got home. What a wonderful support. And he'll have to help me shave my legs again this week. BIG gold star today for you buddy. Love ya.

Vulnerable

Now that things are so close, I'm back to feeling that vulnerability again. I don't know if it's hormones, big changes coming, or the fact that I can't do more than waddle from place to place, but the world feels a little more intimidating.

On the bright side of that, people are getting nicer and nicer in response. Perhaps they sense my nervousness? A coworker confessed her 4 year infertility with me the other day. She didn't know about mine, but it was that, "I think we have something in common" feeling you often get with others of the fertility challenged persuasion. She's just now at the beginning of treatments after not seeing anyone about it. She's still full of questions and naivete about what this all entails. It always feels good to use this crap experience to bolster up another human.

Blabber

Yahoo has been eating my blog comments again and putting them in spam. And now I can't find the "not spam" button. Strange. So what I'm getting to is if you expected a response to your comment and didn't get one, I apologize. I've gone back through. It was a kind of nice surprise to have comments I didn't know I had!

For some reason I feel like this baby isn't going to be too late. I have no idea why, it's just a feeling. I'm having a lot of pre-labor signs, but I know that can go on for weeks. Today, with Hub's help, I finished the projects I found most pressing. So now most of the carpet area has been vacuumed and shampooed throughout the house, the bathrooms are as clean as I'm going to get them right now, the laundry is at an acceptable level (still not finished of course), the dishes are done, most of my bag is packed and Christmas stuff is pretty settled. Now I just have to hope something I ordered for Hub comes in time. I want him to be happy. We aren't buying much this year since we're already getting a much anticipated and very expensive little bundle.

Though I don't want the babybutt to have a Christmas birthday for his sake, I feel like this holiday will forever have even more meaning for me. I fear I may cry every year that we decorate the tree from here on out.

Signing out with a hiccuping fetus.

FCiF

500

Yup. Totally missed my 500th post 10 posts ago. I'm so bad with details.

My Updates and Your Advice

If this is too long, please skip to the last paragraph to help me with advice on delivery!

I saw my beloved doctor yesterday. He said things are still closed up tight in there but that with the pre-labor signs starting and all that, that he could be born in either December or January. (Remember he's due the 5th). He thinks this baby is going to be fine in either case now. He also said he would like for me to not go more than a week late since the baby is already measuring as best they can estimate larger than average and more each week, and he's concerned about that for me. But he also said he would not like to induce without me dilating first. He thinks that's too risky unless you have no other option.

I've also learned that I am so lucky in my doctor and hospital. I've been talking about the things I've learned about what my delivery options are and what both support with other mothers. Through that, I've found that many other moms aren't even told they have these options or are not given the support they need to make their own decisions. It doesn't surprise me that so many women are moving toward midwives and doulas for this very reason. I just got really lucky. One example is that most moms I spoke to thought there was only one way to have an epidural - with your body completely useless from the waist down. However, my hospital and doctor have made sure I know that I can go in stages and different drug cocktails if I'd like. They can give you an epidural mix that allows you to still walk around, get up to go to the bathroom etc, and everything in between. That makes me feel fabulous because if I go for that, I think that's what I'd choose first.

In other news, I called and left an anonymous tip about the parking garage attendant. After all your advice and thinking about how he was actually hurting his coworkers by lowering the money intake into the hospital, I felt it was the right thing to do. The greater good ya know?

Finally, I have a call for advice. Tell me what were the things you could not have lived without during delivery and recovery. OR tell me what you most wished you'd brought or done. It's all a big wide open unknown for me, but I'm trying to make sure I do my best to be ready.

Not So Progressive

I have been congratulating myself on my new found openness about my pregnancy. I answer questions easily and fluently. I let people (the ones I know and trust) touch my belly when they ask. I even offer it up to them. And what's more, I actually open up to people and offer updates about my little boy. I learned the other night though that I shouldn't have been so self-congratulatory. It must have just been that I have been surrounded lately by people with whom I've grown comfortable and trusting. Hub and I attended his annual work Christmas party recently, and it did not go that way at all. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed myself very much. But I was very uncomfortable and sometimes even prickly when people came to chat lightly about the baby. I still don't know exactly why this happens, but it seems to be similar reasons to what it was before. There were a very few people who offered up help or genuine reactions with whom I didn't mind chatting about it as much. Then most of the others talked to me about him as if we were discussing the weather. And sometimes I felt this maternal urge that closely approximated the "MINE!" toddler response. What the heck? I'm sure part of it is also my continuing discomfort at being in the center of anyone's attention unless I know them very very well. In THAT case, turn on the spotlight! Yup. That's me - bundle of contradictions and exceptions.

Parking Garage Moral Dilemma

So I've been a smidgen distracted, and there are lots of blog posts swirling in my noggin. They've all been composed in there, but I bet only a fraction get written down!

First of all, I promised the story of the parking garage attendant. Remember last time? How he skimmed something like $2.50 from the hospital and thought I wouldn't realize? This time, as I pulled in he said, "Are you here for the breastfeeding class?" Thinking it was hardly any of his business, but lacking a spine I said, "Yup." He said, "Well here is a comp ticket for you to park for free next time. They're supposed to give you at least one when you sign up for classes at the front desk, but they often don't. Just don't tell them that I'm the one who gave it to you. It's a Christmas present." Thinking now that he was being very festive I said, "Thanks a lot! We've been here often, and it's getting expensive!" Then I handed over my $4.00, and he handed me my ticket stub/receipt. It said, yet again, "Comp parking $0.00." Yup. This time he got $4.00 out of the deal. Either he thinks I'm too dumb to realize what he's doing, or he figures that by bribing me with lower parking fees and comp passes that I'll keep silent, or both. I'm a bit insulted about the intelligence bit. Hub is HIGHLY annoyed and thinks I should march right up and tell someone about him. I'm a big softy and worry this is the only way he's feeding his family or something. What do you all think?

Dubious Offerings

Today the creepy neighbor next door told me he was available if I needed an emergency ride to the hospital. I told him, "Thanks, but I think Hub would prefer to do that."

I also got a summons for jury duty the second week in January. I'm all into citizenship, but great timing eh? I will also decline this offer by checking the "expectant mother" box.

Letters to Babybutt

Dear Baby,

This weekend I learned a lot about how amazing the system is that will hopefully feed you when you're here. I also had a whole day class about how to welcome you to the world. There were many points in the class where I had to choke back emotional tears. Daddy felt the same way. (He'll try to tell you later it was dust in his eye, but don't believe him. He's just tough for you.)

Then... oh then, something that I had thought was probably nothing continued, and I got a little worried. I called my nurse, and she said I should probably go to the hospital just in case. I became very worried that you were going to come home with us a lot sooner than we thought! You would have been fine, but as I felt for your little feet and legs poking out of my side, I realized that I wasn't quite ready. I want these last few weeks with you snuggled up in there. I want to feel your heel press against my hand one more time at least. I want to watch you swish your little butt from side to side while you try to get comfy. And I even want to feel you get annoyed and push hard when I lie on the side you dislike in bed. We are both just SO excited to meet you. But we also waited a long time to have this, and we want to make sure to enjoy every single minute. I love the babybutt in my tummy as much as I will love the one out. At the same time, we're ready and can't wait to kiss your belly (Mama) and little feets (Daddy).

XO
M

P.S. It was all a false alarm little man. No worries. You and I passed all our tests with flying colors per the usual thank goodness, but we were both EXHAUSTED after all that.

Nursery

Oh my gosh to the craziness of this weekend! I had blood work, a doctor's appointment (all is fabulous), a breast feeding class (in which I met the garage money skimmer again - back to his old tricks - more later), a Christmas party tonight and an all day lamaze class tomorrow! It's all good. I just wish I had a personal assistant to take care of all the icky stuff in between.

Right now though, I have nursery photos to show you. There are a bunch of little touches to add at some point, and the futon won't stay forever, but this is what we have at the moment.

Our changing table and the dreaded shelf. Don't even ask me about it. I can't bear to speak of it. It's done now, that's all that matters. The plate on the shelf is from my sister and bears messages for the babybutt from lots of family members. Note the ADORABLE little LED nightlights. I can't get enough of them. The ghost is from Ikea, the bluebird a present from Target. They're squishy and cute.
The alligator has a baby in her mouth and is also from Ikea. The prints are from a Charley Harper calendar. We also used the one with all the little songbirds eating seeds. I just didn't get a photo of it.
Note the sweet little animal throw rug from Ikea. Babybutt's name will be in plush letters above his crib when he gets one. :)
And this is our crib. We love it. It was easy to assemble, is attractive and very sturdy. I realize that Pooh has a pink blanket. I just don't care. They didn't have any non-pink, and it's Babybutt's first present from Mommy.

Blogger Award

Chelle took the time to make this beautiful award, and then a lovely lady at Cherish This Baby took the time to write some kind words about me through it! She hadn't even said boo to me before that, so it was a really fun, really touching surprise. I have to say though that even though she gives me a lot of credit, and I did work hard to find a healthy path for my particular body (which I believe opened the door to pregnancy), much of why we are here is luck. I do know that and give thanks every single day.

As for the award, there are a few rules of course, so without further ado:

Tell your readers how your journey into blogging began. Be as verbose or shy as you like.
Pick 3-5 fellow bloggers whom you adore and write what exactly it is you value about that person or their blog. The more you write about them the better. This is a chance to really appreciate your blog friends who have been there with and for you through thick and thin.
Let the winners know they have been awarded.

I haven't done this in a while because it's a difficult thing for me. But I'm going to pick people I haven't chosen before and whom you may not be reading. These people do inspire me. Oh, as for how I began blogging? I've written lots about that throughout my years of trying, so I won't bore you with the long details. The down and dirty of it is that I am a writer at heart. I journal. I scribble on pieces of paper and stow them in my nightstand. I compose stories in my head during boring times. I resisted blogging because I kept thinking that it would happen for me soon anyway (yes naivete), and I am not big on putting myself out there to the internet. So that's why I'm as anonymous as I am and why I haven't been blogging as long as I've been trying. However, blogging has been great therapy for me. I tried a real therapist, and the benefits did not even come close. One of the greatest things has been the people from whom I learned and took comfort.

In no particular order:

Down (But Not Out) - Yes I'm a little biased since she's an old friend, but she writes very well and is such an inspiration not only in attitude but in follow through. She doesn't get to update much because of the challenges of chasing after the little stinker that has graced all of our lives, but what she writes is so open and loving and full of a beautiful grace and calm. I often wish I could achieve that. She's like that in person too by the way. ;-)

What I Really Meant to Say - Her viewpoints on religion, family and day to day life are always so open and fascinating to me. She's very real about the issues she faces and in being so, helps others learn about themselves.

Stuff to Say - Like the above, mo*reezy has a great, open outlook on faith, love and family. She also often posts things that make me go "hmmm" in a good way. I love when people work my brain without using vitriol or spite. Good job chickie.

Crying Over the Fish Sticks - Beautiful thoughts on dealing with IVF failure, the depression that comes after and the struggle to make a wonderful life. I find her very honest and kind despite her own issues.

Quest for a Lifetime - Just like with when I read One Good Egg, my heart just about explodes with happiness to see how her story ended (or began in a way!) with such a beautiful adoption. As a woman who has always had adoption in her heart as well as the desire to have a biological child, I really gravitate toward this kind of story for inspiration. She's also just a really good chick.

So did I give you ideas for blogs you haven't yet read? I hope so. Best wishes to all. The rest of you all know I like ya too. ;-)

NINE months!

Oh my God. What a mind blow! I woke up this morning very excited that we were at 36 weeks or 9 months. In fact, I woke at 4:30am and was so excited I couldn't sleep. My book assures me that were he to be born this week, he would be considered full term. Goooooo Babybutt! He's also very very excited today. He's been busting a move all day. Perhaps he knows too eh? It cracks me up to do these kick count sheets the doctor gave me because they're supposed to kick at least 10 times in a 3 hour period. It doesn't matter what time I choose to start monitoring, the longest the kid has ever taken to reach 10 movements is 40 minutes. It's usually somewhere between 15 and 30 minutes. Believe me, I notice immediately when he's quieter than usual. I've also gotten my first faint stretch marks under my belly. I noticed them after viewing a belly photo Hub took. He apparently noticed them long ago, but didn't mention them. He's learning. :) My other boy has dropped quite a bit too, and I can now breathe easier. I love you both boys.

Bringing Peace

The anxiety and weepiness (along with the leaky boobs that always seem to accompany them) have been creeping back in lately. I've had some shattering nightmares that I don't wish to share. However, the night before last, after a bad dream, I dreamed of my Grandfather. He came, wrapped his arms around me, and soothed it all away. He said, "I'm so very proud of you, and I love you." I'm thankful.

Hub

I just realized that I have not "gold-starred" Hub in a long time. Oops! Sorry hubby. It's only because he's been so damn awesome lately that I just can't pick out individual things. I have to say though that he's been great this weekend. He heeded my warnings that things were emotionally rocky and managed to keep it all cool. He massaged my achy back not once but probably 4 times, and he hung up that stupid shelf even though he didn't want to when I finally figured out a way to get it secure.

There's my OCD (take note Jen) - things being in their place once they have a place. I can't hack it. Our calendar had fallen down, and I couldn't find the tack that held it up. It was our last tack. It was a niggling annoyance until I bought more yesterday and fixed the problem. I can seriously now rest easier. Sick huh?

Letters to Babybutt

Dear Baby,

Your elbows and knees are very bony. And you're very squirmy.

Love,
M

Randomness - Because you haven't had much lately

Hub was super cute at our hospital tour tonight. He was so excited. It makes me so very happy to see him that happy about all this. Being in the delivery room made it all seem exciting and frighteningly real. I think we're ready though. I want him to bake a few more weeks, but then we're on! Oh, and I'm so happy to be giving birth in the hospital while it's so beautifully decorated for Christmas. It makes it so special. They say the decorations will be up until mid-January.

Also, I am currently obsessed with oranges and peanut butter and chocolate sandwiches. Oh yes, you heard correctly. You take bakery bread (other bread doesn't work as well), slather some Smucker's non sugar peanut butter on it, then sprinkle a few semi-sweet chocolate chips on top of that and fold it in half. Then you put it in the microwave for 10 seconds. It comes out in delicious peanut butter, chocolaty goodness. Why do these things work for my gut and others don't? I haven't the faintest clue. This one is fairly new.

36 Week Ultrasound and Check-Up

OK, so we're not quite to 36 weeks, but this was the best compromise. We saw the little munchkin face today!!! They are estimating that right now he weighs between 5.5 and 6.5 pounds, which puts him in the 68th percentile. He's head down and will most likely stay that way until delivery. He also lived up to his reputation for being squirmy and discontent during ultrasound and doppler reads. We saw him move his arms, fold his hand over his rib cage, make suckling movements, practice "breathing," and turn his mouth down in what looked like a pout. It broke my heart, but was so cute at the same time! How appropriate considering I was just talking about how I found out that they cry in utero.

The amniotic fluid looks good. He's making all kinds of signs that he's healthy neurologically. The placenta is in an optimum position, and his heart looks excellent. We had a really good ultrasound tech who cooed over him and gave us all sorts of information about how good everything looked. It made me so happy. Most of them won't tell you if everything is ok. From what we can tell, it looks like he still has Hub's nose and possibly my chin. The cheeks are nice and round too. We love a cute, dimply baby. I cannot WAIT to meet him. In fact, wonderfulOB says he thinks that even if he went next week everything would be fine and that he's ready. NEXT WEEK?!?!? Holy crap time flies.

So without further ado, I present you with the money shot:

I know it can be hard to see, but basically you can just see his nose, lips and cheeks in the center of the shot squished between the tissue. His eyes are in shadow.

Moving Up in the World

First of all, I have a very important announcement. HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY ELIZABETH THE GREAT!

Now on to the lesser things...
Thanks to Jen, we have a new bed frame! Our mattress was on the floor before because we upgraded in size, and paying for a bed frame just wasn't up there on the priority list. Wouldn't you know that mattresses are WAY more comfortable in a frame? Perhaps it's because that's where they're meant to be? I used to always complain about rolling toward Hub when there was supposed to be a divider. But now that the divider can actually be effective, I don't roll toward him anymore! I have my own little pocket of sleepy heaven. Ever since we put up that frame, I've been sleeping longer and more deeply. There have been much fewer 4am wake-ups and much less difficulty falling asleep. I still have times when I have to get up and move around, but the sciatica isn't nearly as intense at night now. I even noticed that I'm back to somewhat sleep walking to the bathroom. When I got up before, I was always wide awake for my hourly potty trips. I just wasn't sleeping deeply enough.

Don't get me wrong, sleep is still a challenge a lot of the time, but oh it's so much nicer with a lovely bed. On top of THAT, Hub found a fabulous black Friday deal on a dishwasher! HURRAY! We had one. It was harvest gold circa 1982. We did a lot of rewashing and tasting soap. Our new black one is being delivered today, and I'm SO excited. Now we'll just have the stove left. It's ok so far but has been showing its age a bit lately. Hopefully it holds on there for just a little longer until we can afford that last big kitchen expenditure. We mean to redo the kitchen completely, but that's not in the cards for quite a bit.

Letters to Babybutt

Dear Babybutt,

The other night I was reading about the different stages of labor. I read that emotionally, near the end of it I may have a sudden surge of excitement that I'm about to meet you. That hit home for me very suddenly. My heart beat sped up, and I got all breathless with the idea of seeing you for the first time. It was one of the first times I've felt that intensely and gave me a taste of what it will be like having you in my life. I also read that you probably cry in the womb, and that made me cry. It's already hard that sometimes things upset you, and I can't do anything to help! I'm sorry. Just know that I love you very much no matter what. I'll always do my best with you. I know that there will be times I fail, but know that I'm always trying my best to give you the love, support and comfort you deserve.

Love you lots and lots forever and ever.
M