Unwise Choices

I had tiramisu yesterday. You'd think that would be a happy thing right? I'm lactose intolerant AND on Metformin. Yup yup - it was a really bad decision with a very unhappy outcome. But it's my favorite dessert, and it was so goooooooood!

Anxious

Hey. Just thought you should know that I hate my follicular phase. In my luteal phase, I have more confidence, a brighter complexion, and things are just better all around. But during my follicular, or non-follicular phase as the case may be, my skin breaks out more, my tummy is less enthused about Metformin, I don't sleep as well and am more fatigued, and lovely of lovelies, I'm more anxious. Anxious is always great during times of great change isn't it?

I just changed teams, so that's hard. I miss some of my coworkers and what I did there almost as if I've left my home. But it's getting more ok by the day. It would just be easier if I was in my confident, progesterone laden time. On top of that, what we knew was coming finally did. My company finally got to our department as far as lay-offs are concerned. Some pretty great people won't be coming back to work for us any time soon. Some of the lay-offs at least made some logistical sense - others - not so much. Some people I know will be fine. Others - I'm just hoping they had a back-up plan. We don't know because it was so sudden. No goodbyes.

I'm worried about Hub's job too. His boss seems confident that their company will be fine. I'm not so sure they won't feel delayed effects in the next few months. If something happens to his job, we're toast.

Ack. I love being a nervous nellie. The best part of it is that since this is FCiF we're talkin' about, I have probably another few weeks to look forward to this stuff. Aren't everyone's follicular phases a month long? No? Hmm. Must just be me.

Happy Sigh

I have a new (used) pretty blue Civic if I want it when it's transferred to my dealership, AND tonight there is a big party for ME!

Don't ya'll just wanna BE me? (minus the whole no babies thing of course)

XO

Busy Life, Neglected Blog

So have you ever gotten so interested in your life that you lose some of your interest in blogging? That's where I am right now. Lots of great things are happening for Hub, and I couldn't be happier. I still can't find my durn cable, and I start my new position next week!

We're situated right now to start to save money for another medicated cycle or two and for a stab at adoption. I don't know if we're going to go through the state. There's so much to consider, but time is ticking. Both of us feel it now.

And speaking of the Hub - funny story. I was in the kitchen the other day and heard the tail end of a commercial with a woman explaining her infertility and how some organization or other helped her and gave her hope. Of course it was a story with a happy baby ending. And there were somehow new shoes involved?? Anyway, I then hear Hub snort loudly and sneer, "Yeah, HOPE, that's all you need! Why didn't I think about that? HOPE and POOF - you get a baby! And maybe some new shoes will do it too! New shoes and POOF - a baby! Whatever." He kept grumbling about it for a minute or two after. It was funny because he was so cutely disgruntled and also because he's finally at the point where he's disgusted like I was. But you know what? I'm not so disgusted anymore. I've moved past it to some degree. Fun how we go through these stages separately.

But it's ok. We're still in it together.

Tired and Loopy but Still Full of Happy

- We saw the launch! It was awesome! Yes we just got back around 1am. The traffic was NOT awesome. I will post photos and video when I find that !$#^%^ cable. (can you sense my anxiety?) Until then, let this tide you over. This was shot in the same park where we watched the launch, so it's exactly what we saw. The only difference is that we could see more detail in person than would show up on the camera. The cameras seemed to just catch all the light, whereas we could see the shape of the fire tail, the boosters etc. TOO cool. We could also hear a crackly rumble - almost how the wind sounds against a microphone.

- Salad is no longer off the menu! I have been chowing like a rabbit ever since I discovered this gem. Oooooooooh a whole world has reopened to my waiting gullet.

- AF has moved in, but I only had one day of the kick-me-in-the-shins-so-it-hurts-less cramps, and very little of the hormone crazies! I was just a little morose for a day or so, and then it was over! Gosh. All this is starting to make me believe in a balanced universe after all.

A Bit

I forgot to share that I saw what I'm 95% sure is this little fella in Cali's backyard when we visited. It's the first time I've ever seen one. Woo hoo! Hub and I are going to try to get close to the launch tonight. I'm super excited! Wish us luck!

"Honest Scrap" Huh?

Quick update first: I took the job on the other team. I'm happy to be in a better situation, but sad to leave some truly wonderful teammates and a truly wonderful job description. And I'm dying to post some photos but can't find my camera connector cord thingy!! ARGH!

OK - lovely Seussgirl at One Day Two Day sent me an award! It was very kind of her, and I'm quite honored. I am now actually attempting to get back to what you're supposed to DO with that award! (I'm notoriously awful at getting around to doing these things. I like to fly by the seat of my pants, and these structured posts aren't so much that, so it's hard to get goin'. ;)

First I'm supposed to talk about 7 blogs I find brilliant in design. Can I change that a bit? I find lots of blogs brilliant, so instead, since this is "honest scrap" (look at me.. can't for the life of me tow the line) I'm going to post about blogs I admire for their sheer honesty. It's always something that really grabs me - raw, open, eloquent truths. Funny that I'm so cautious with so much of what I say here, but admire such openness. I try to be very honest with my feelings though, and that's what I value most. So without anymore blabbering...

Fertilized - I have to agree almost word for word with One Day Two Day on this one. She lays it out there like it is and maintains a lovely integrity all the while. You go girl!

Who Shot My Stork? - I love Io's "love me as I am" writing style. She's also savvy, fresh and witty as she lets us in on what's really going on in her world.

An Older Version - She has been dealing with some tough stuff lately, and her struggles are illustrated deeply and beautifully in her blog. When she tells a story or shares her feelings, I always feel my thoughts swirling into the story with her, or start nodding as I identify.

Here We Go Again - OK. It may seem like Jen hides things because she just seems so predominantly happy. I am here to tell you that this is not a trick. Jen really is happy... and kind, and fun and silly. And she really doesn't swear! Sometimes I embarrass myself with my potty mouth. Anyway, her blog reflects who she is beautifully, and she really does share herself with us.

Creating Motherhood - Who doesn't love Cali? I mean - really. I am always in awe of her writing ability even in times of great stress. I'm grateful to her for sharing the story of GM with us. It's heartbreaking and real and so necessary that people understand. Bravo.

One Day Two Day - No, not just because she tagged me. I'm grateful to her as well for sharing her true motherhood experiences - glitzy or not.

Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies - Natalie has been through some amazingly heartbreaking times, yet has managed to share it all with such a beautiful ability and grace that I am in awe. I think she has probably made a tremendous difference in so many lives by merely sharing.

So - just so you know, one of the other reasons I always put off doing these things is that I have such a hard time with listing awesome blogs and leaving other awesome blogs out. There are still tons rattling around in my head right now, but at this moment in time, these are the first 7 that come to mind with my favorite deeply open posts.

And now I am to name 10 honest (so I can't lie??? Bummer) things about myself. If I name something I did in another meme, please forgive me and consider yourself doubly informed!

1. I cannot truly straighten my first fingers. If I try, the tips point inwards a bit just like my Mom's.

2. Sometimes I literally want to fling my arms around a tree and hug it. Could this be how that term was coined?

3. In addition to the tree thing - sometimes I see something like the golden ripple of a wheat field, and I wish I could run my hand across all of it to feel its tickly softness just like you would a plush rug. Alas, I would have to be a giant to do that. And since these are "honest" things, I can't make up a story here.

4. OK, really honestly? I feel in nature what I think you're supposed to feel inside a church. I have always felt much more reverence outside than in 4 walls.

5. OK - enough with the serious. Often, when Hub crawls in bed after I've been asleep, I give a half laugh. I think he was insulted until I explained that I'm only conscious enough to express happiness in small, easy packages. Laughing works.

6. There's nothing that makes me happier than someone playing with my hair.

7. Burnt Sienna is my favorite color to say.

8. My favorite animal is a horse.

9. I can't stand getting water in my eyes or splashed on my face.

10. I'm so susceptible to cold and appreciate warmth so much now that sometimes I go out and lie in the driveway to soak up the sun and feel warm for a minute. (let the neighbors look. ;-)

Bloggin' Mamas Get Together

Jen and Calliope wore me out! Those are two FUN mamas, let me tell you! Besides that though, both are such wonderfully genuine people. I can't believe I'm so lucky to have met such good people to hang out with through the internet. Cali is so thankful and gracious, as is her Mom. Her cat is beautiful and the dog is THE SWEETEST! I seriously wanted to take him home.

Jen and Elizabeth aren't so bad either. ;)

BUT - due to the worn-outness, I must bid you adieu until tomorrow.

No, not THOSE kind of ladies. Sheesh

Hub and I have both been fans of the group The Barenaked Ladies for well over 11 years. They were our group. Their music has been tied to so many wonderful moments in both of our lives. We loved the sound, the smart lyrics, the juxtaposition of silly and deeply serious - all of it. We know every word of every song they've ever put out (even the ones NOT on the albums) up to the last few albums where we just know some.

When we heard that Steven Page was leaving the group, we were both saddened. He has a beautiful and very powerful voice and was pretty much the main singer. He's the lead on most of my very favorite BNL songs. So when we got (a lucky) chance to see them at Universal's Mardi Gras minus Steve, we were a little apprehensive.

I'm happy to say that we both loved it!! Do they lack some of the depth and power they had with Steve? Sure. He brought a lot of gravitas to the group. But other members of the band are good singers and have fun songs. They're also all fabulous musicians. They did a good job covering some of the old songs while showing us the sound for their new ones. I actually really really like the new sound! Funnily enough, this change has reinvigorated my interest in their new material!

Hub and I had so much fun. We met up with lots of friends, partied afterwards and just basically had a very mini vacation that was so sorely needed. Ahhh. When did life get so good again?

Doin' My Part

Holy crap. There are so many things wrong with this. (the "peaches" post)

And thanks so much for your happy wishes after my exciting news!

Sometimes fate really CAN be kind!

No I'm not pregnant with a super viable fetus. Come on. She's not THAT kind.

However, I have had the best 24 hours I've had in oh, probably years. I'll just put it in bullet form for your enjoyment.

• I actually did ovulate at some point! Lord knows when because of my crazy sick-time temps, but my temps are consistently up now, and I have all the signs of luteal phase!
• My sister might get married HERE!
• HUB GOT HIS RAISE!!!! I can't even TELL you how excited I am to not parse out my granola bars one per day so that I can make them last a whole month.
• I got a job offer and a possible raise offer!!!
  

Too bad it's not right around ovulation because we'd be going at it like bunnies. With this luck, how could we go wrong?

Now I know how very lucky we are in this economic climate. I am in no way trying to rub it in. And we certainly aren't out of the woods. My job and Hub's job will most likely start to feel the true effects of this recession following this summer season due to the nature of what we do. And know that the reason I am so very excited is that we have been just eking by for so long now that it's such a relief not to have to literally cinch our belts anymore. Be prepared to hear lots more about us finally finishing the repairs and updates on our house.

Hey! Maybe I can get that new car soon, and it can have LESS than 80,000 miles on it!! WOO HOOO!
XO
FCiF

To the Ether

Hey - I really really want a baby. Have I said that recently? I don't know. I just know that I would really like a baby please.

Thanks.

Know Thyself

So we took the Myers-Briggs personality test at work recently. I had done it years before, but had long since forgotten what we "found." I always find it a lot of fun finding out who I am and WHY. I ended up being an INFJ. That's MB speak for Introverted, Intuition, Feeling and Judging. Nooo, it doesn't mean I'm judgmental. In the book it says that I have introverted intuition with extroverted feeling. Basically I think and stew and think and stew to myself, but show the world my compassion. I also rely a lot on my intuition and tend to "ping" around in my thoughts connecting various circumstances and ideas to come up with big ideas. The judging part just means that I like it when all of my ducks are in a row, regardless of how sloppy or forgetful I am. I may be sloppy and forgetful, but it drives me crazy that that's so. Interesting huh?

I think everyone would benefit from doing these tests. It also helps to see what others are so you understand them better and don't just think they're being different to bug you. Here is how MB says you guys may view me:

-Private or even mysterious
-intense and individualistic

It also says that when I'm under great stress I may become obsessed with data I would normally consider irrelevant. Or I may overindulge in sensing (the opposite of my N or intuition) activities like watching TV reruns (Me? watch Friends over and over? NEVER!) or buying lots of thing that normally would have little meaning to me. (Me? Take great pleasure in shopping when stressed? NEVER!)

Fun stuff. Anyone else out there an INFJ with me?

Snacks of my Heart

My newest snack love? True North nut snacks. They seem to be a good company with heart that makes delicious, healthy snacks. I find them most reliably at Target, but have seen them elsewhere as well. My favorite is the pecan almond peanut clusters. MMMmmmm MMM! It's just sweet enough with brown rice syrup and just salty enough for all my cravings. The nuts are perfectly crunchy and complement each other beautifully.

Thank you hippy-type companies, for making food I can not only eat, but RELISH.