GREAT company and shopping!

I got to hang out with two other great mommies of like mind today! AND, if you want a cheap car seat.... Safety First is discontinuing the harvest color of their Complete Air convertible car seat. Babies R Us has it on clearance, PLUS right now there's an extra 25% off, PLUS you can use their 20% off coupons on top of it! I got it for just over $100 with tax!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOT! We will see if we like it, and if we don't, we can return it. But I couldn't pass up that deal.

Gold Star for the Hub! (It's been too long!)

I love you Hub - for so many things. But I most especially love you right now for these:

1. Tidying up the house.
2. Taking the baby to daycare every day with good humor and love.
3. Refilling the hand soap.
4. Remembering the trash bags I missed.
5. Dealing with the laundry.
6. Being interested in completing home improvement projects.
7. Being so very present in my and E's lives.
8. Changing E's diaper just as much as I do.
9. Rubbing my head with compassion when I'm tired.
10. Telling me that we make a good parenting team.
11. Taking ownership of certain daily responsibilities so they aren't on my shoulders and mind.
    

XOXOXOXOXO and yet another gold star to add to your others. Sorry it's been so long.
.

Mr. Mayer's Gender Lesson

If you'll remember, I have this weird prickly thing about the social stigma differences on girls verses boys. So yeah, I am a little quick to jump when I hear or see something that offends me in that area. A song I have not been able to escape is Daughters by John Mayer. It has been played to death as popular radio stations tend to do. Ah homogeneity; isn't it grand? But aside from that annoyance, there is a section of the song I just can't get over. I appreciate most of what he's saying. Treat your daughters well Dads. Have care that what you do affects them and that they carry that into their other relationships. I appreciate that he sees women as having "good good hearts" and all that. But one stanza really gets me. Peruse for yourselves:

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

So boys you can break hm? Just treat them however so that they will be "tough?" I guess they don't carry that on into other relationships. Besides, they'll just be strong and soldier on? Oh that's right, boys have the special genitalia that allows them to deal with pain and hardship, unlike girls. But oh wait, girls are the ones who bear those boys and isn't that a bit of a challenge?

Hmph. I know I'm being a little bit curmudgeonly here, but seriously - I get from this that girls are sweet and soft and should be treated with kid gloves and boys are rough and tumble and should show a stiff upper lip no matter what you do to them. Looking at his romantic history, it strikes me that Mr. Mayer may need to revise his perspective.

Sorry. The annoyance with this has been building for a long, long time. Had to get it out.
'Til later,
FCiF

The Work Angst

Me: E loves the train you got him! And the clothes are adorable!
Her: Oh really? Hm. I don't remember what I got him.

Me: Look at this adorable video. He giggles now!
Her: uhhuh (Later to someone else: What's the big deal about laughing? My kids laugh all the time. They aren't babies by the way.)

Me: E is so attached and lovey. And he has such strong opinions on what he wants!
Her: Oh Barb for Pete's sake. Babies don't develop a personality until age 2. He just has tendencies right now. (Apparently according to her, if they can't talk, they aren't really worth it.)

Her: We've thought about adopting a baby. (Even though she says she doesn't want an infant at all.)
Me: Oh! You'd do great! Around 4 months I think things even out, and now at this age, he's SO much fun and awesome and...
Her: Look. I'm happy you love your baby and enjoy him. Good for you. But I just don't want one. I know I could do it if I HAD to, but I don't care about it.
Me: But you just said.......

This hurts me. A lot. I know it's crazy, but it hurts me for him because we are each other if you know what I mean. I am him and he is me. I know he doesn't care, but he's the love of my life, so of course I care. It also hurts because before I went on maternity leave, she was super lovey with me and always asking what the gender was, how things were going etc. She made me feel like we were going to be "great friends" as she said. When I came back, things quickly changed. And THAT'S how I know she thinks I suck with how I parent even though she has no experience with babies, only children. And she thinks since she regularly goes on cruises and does overnight parties without her kids (she is a good Mom though), that I suck because I can't do that right now.

And I just realized that one of the reasons I feel so off at work a lot of times is because I'm missing a vital part of myself while I'm there - for 12 hours. It's hard to learn to function as a whole being without that part of me again, but I'm getting better.

It IS Hard. Lovely, but Hard.

As I posted in her comments section, I've written versions of this post so many times in my head but never posted it here due to a lot of the things she's mentioned. A lot of it is why I've had such a hard time finding where I "fit" again and why I've felt lonely. Caution: Lots of triggers.

My Diaper Review

After using Huggies Pure and Natural and Pampers Swaddlers Sensitive, here is my final take. Pampers Swaddlers Sensitive size Newborn through 2 held leaks better, fit the baby better and seemed more comfortable. They had a slightly more chemical smell than the Huggies, but not enough to make me not want to use them.

Now on size 3, the Pampers have the "drymax technology" instead of the mesh liner etc. The absorbent material does not go the whole way up the back of the diaper, and the band to keep leaks in at the top isn't as secure in my opinion as with the Huggies. The Huggies fit much better now that he's larger. They're more narrow through the middle, but that doesn't seem to stop them from catching leaks. He seems more comfortable with a narrow diaper now. It's not so bulky. The Huggies are more expensive, but absorb far more urine in my experience than the Pampers, so it makes up for it. And finally, the biggest deciding factor is that the Pampers reek, while the Huggies have very little smell at all and feel very soft. When we use the Pampers we have to be careful not to let him wear them too long because he gets red much faster. With the Huggies, overnight is not a problem.

As for BumGenius 3.0, we love them when they work. However, E seems to go through growth stages where he's in between sizes and fits on that adjustable diaper. When he's in the in between stage, they leak through the legs or up the back like crazy. When he's fitting fine, they are wonderfully absorbent and hold leaks well. He seems comfortable in them. He never gets diaper rash in them, and they're cute!

That's my 2 cents for what it's worth.

Sleep and Love

For those books that say if a baby falls asleep on his own in a certain location that he won't wake up crying - speak for yourselves. E has been doing a great job at falling asleep in his crib for a while now, but the longest he sleeps in it without waking up crying is about an hour and a half.

I'm not upset though. I think the kid has made great strides by falling asleep on his own and not needing to be held so much. I thank him for giving me all that time of rocking and cuddling because now he doesn't want or need it as much, and he's only 5.5 months old! The older he gets, the more closely I grip his chubby body and the more fervently I shower his cheeks with kisses. It goes so fast!

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to the love of my life. (OK, the first love of my life.)

Love,
FCiF and the second love of my life.

An Adoption Story

Last week at work, I noticed a little boy who seemed to want to chat. Always one to engage a cute little man, I asked him how he was doing. He replied, "Fine," and asked if I had any sisters. I told him I did and told him her name. He told me he had a little sister and told me her name. Then he called her over. He was blue eyed. She appeared to be Guatemalan and maybe 4 years old. He tenderly guided her with his hand on her back. Then he said he had two other sisters and pointed them out across the way. They didn't physically resemble the other two either. I asked if he was the oldest as he had the air of the authoritative and protective big brother.

He replied with head held high, "No, I'm not the oldest, but I'm the first!" Then he told me all their names and a little about each. He was so full of pride for his family and so excited to share their details. He warmed me to my toes. Adoption is such an uplifting and splendid institution.

Optimism squashed

Yeah so i was going to blog about how awesome "sleep training" was going in that little man can put himself to sleep in the crib, sleep in the crib for extended periods, and wake up without crying. But then the 6 month growth spurt started... on top of teething. Yeah. Poor little man.

Car Seat Suggestions

Since apparently our son is a giant baby compared to what we were, he won't fit well in his infant seat much longer. Thus we are on the look out for our next car seat. Some important points:

1. It must fit well in a Honda Civic
2. The fabric won't be cloying and overly hot.
3. Safe rear facing as heavy as it can go (remember - giant.)
4. Not completely awful to move from car to car.
5. Under $200

And any other points you care to enlighten me on. Have some input?

Friends Schmends

Someone tell me again why it's stupid to cry over friends who weren't your friends to begin with? Why does it still hurt so much? I'm so very lonely. Apparently we should have lived on the west coast of Florida if we wanted good friends nearby.

Nah. We don't like to feed our baby. Thanks.

Could someone please tell me what peoples' obsession with adding rice cereal to my breast milk is? I'm getting pressure from daycare, family, passers by.... According to my research, live enzymes in breast milk break down the cereal before the baby can drink it anyway. And on top of that, it's a myth that it adds more calories to help them sleep better. The amount you're supposed to add contributes 5 calories. Five measly calories. My milk does better than that. And he sleeps at night just fine when he's comfortable thank you. (see Jen? I'm learning.) We've been doing exactly as our book and doctor say and trying the taste of some of the stage one foods to see if he's interested after a normal feeding. So far he just gives us a crazy look and tries to push it back out. Don't worry public at large. We won't starve him. Sheesh.

Anyone want to share their solids stories with me?

Pampers Responds!

I'd like to note that LaToya from Pampers was kind enough to note my blog entry. I never imagined that! I usually write open letters just to vent without any real hope of a reply. Thank you LaToya, and I am reposting her response from the comments section with my reply following:

I’m LaToya from Pampers. I’m so sorry your family had this experience. I have two little ones so I can imagine your frustration having to worry about your new baby. Our number one purpose at Pampers is about caring for babies, so these comments mean a lot to us. The Swaddlers Sensitives do contain the Dry Max technology but only in sizes 3 and 4. The mesh liner is available in the smaller sizes, as it’s used to keep the runny mess away from infant’s skin. As the baby gets bigger, their “poo” is more formed and the mesh liner is no longer needed. In fact, before we removed the mesh liner from Cruisers, we tested both liners with moms and moms actually preferred the new, softer liner opposed to the mesh liner. A small amount of fragrance is added, however, between the backsheet and therefore is not touching the baby’s skin. But a “chemical smell” is not expected at all. These diapers are indeed sensitive. Swaddlers Sensitives has more lotion and both the ears and outer cover are breathable to help maintain the natural healthy look of your new baby’s skin. I hope this answers your questions. When you get the time we would like for you to call and tell us more about your experiences (1-877-256-3265). We may also be able to give you more answers. Again, I apologize for your experience and I hope you call us soon.

I'm happy to see that Pampers has put a lot of thought into their products. I have a few problems with the assumptions made for the sizes 3 and up however. My baby is in the 90th percentile for height and the 75th for weight. That means that he grows out of the mesh liner before his poos become more formed. Furthermore, according to many doctors, a baby's main mode of nutrition to at least 6 months is supposed to be breast milk (no formula). Breast fed babies tend to have more watery stool than formula fed and solids fed babies. Since my son is under 6 months, he still has that kind of stool and the new liner does not work as well for it, yet he's outgrown the 2s. I imagine that happens for a lot of babies, and the large number of babies onto formula by that age may have skewed your results for expectation of need in the liner.

I'd actually rather not have lotions, perfumes etc put into a sensitive diaper as you never know what a sensitive baby's skin may react to. And even though our son is not sensitive per se, we don't want to expose him to skin products of which we don't know the chemical composition. The chemical smell was quite strong to me compared to the earlier Swaddlers and another brand to which we've switched. It smelled like a very harsh version of baby powder and actually made my Mom draw back quickly when I handed it to her to smell. We tried the diapers on the assumption that perhaps the problems noted with them were blown out of proportion or were restricted to certain batches or certain babies, but when we noticed him getting more red than usual and then noticed the few little bumpy patches on his normally fine skin, we stopped using them.

It is becoming much more common and dare I say even "fashionable" for parents to use whole, sustainable and environmentally friendly products as often as possible. Therefore, the expectation of a sensitive diaper is going to be much higher I believe than ever before. I would use cloth almost exclusively if his daycare would agree to it. Alas, that isn't always possible.

But I thank you very much for your response. You have definitely earned my respect by doing that. I think, though, that you may need to look into at least opening up some of your older lines without drymax again to gain back many customers. As I said before, your diapers were fine without it. And blessings to your little ones LaToya.

Thanks!
FCiF

E is Born - the Aftermath

Now all of this is really starting to fuzz up in my brain and the fun parts of motherhood are starting to really make it harder to write a post about what was so difficult in the beginning. However, I really want to remember this so that I continue to have empathy for others and so that I have a record of what actually happened, so I'm going to try. Since I'm not feeling it, it's certainly not going to be my best post ever, but oh well.

Right after E was born is a blur. There were a lot of people in and out. There was a lot of noise. There was a lot of what I felt was unnecessary waking of the Mommy. There was also a lot of blubbering by both of us every time we looked at what we thought was the most beautiful face either of us had ever been granted the privilege of seeing. Good Lord, how to explain the coursing surges of emotion after a baby? How to explain the frightening intensity of the need to love, nurture and protect this sweet little life? It just can't be done. Everyone tells you you just can't know. And you can't. No way. There's no way you can really be prepared for how much you'll love your child. Oh. My. God. I think it was that very intensity that was somewhat my undoing.

We didn't get back to the room (and back to E) that night until around midnight when I learned how to feed him, and we went to bed. Sometime in the wee hours, I remember waking up to try to comfort a crying E (Hub was conked) and falling asleep with him in my arms. God bless the nurse who came in and offered to take him to the nursery. I was so tired I had nearly dropped him.

At around 6am, I awoke, feeling as if I was being watched. I opened my eyes and there above me loomed a stocky man. He stood still as I tried to gather my wits. Finally, in the hazy darkness the shape became familiar. It was FavoriteOB! I blurted his name and sat up for a hug. "Hi sweetheart!" he said. "You had a rough time of it! How are we feeling? How's everything down there?" I jibbered something about being proud of myself and that I had no idea what was going on down there because I was afraid to look. It had felt like everything came out with the baby. He took a quick look and told me he would be prescribing a bunch of soothing and pain relief things for me and, "Don't be afraid or too proud to take them young lady!" Then he shook Hub's hand and told him, "Congrats Buddy!" He said, "Where's our angel?" (He called E "our angel" from the minute of conception.) I told him and he said, "That's where I'm headed next!" He was on his way to the office and had stopped by the hospital (OFF DUTY) specifically to see me and the baby. And people wonder why I am so devoted to this man. If we move, I am kidnapping him and taking him with me. When I saw him later, he would exclaim that E was "Beautiful! Obviously so smart! Look at how alert he is!" and that (in a conspiratorial whisper), "I feel that Eurasian people are some of the most beautiful people in the world. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!" haha. Things that sound like they might be offensive never are coming from him.

My joyful meeting was soon to be replaced with my most hated nurse of my visit. Her name was Veeta. I say her name simply because she was so awful to me that she's the one human I don't feel the need to protect in the slightest on this blog. E was having trouble staying latched. I asked for a lactation consultant around 7am. I was panicking a little since we had such a lag time for his first nursing and he went to the nursery in the evening. She said, "You don't need a lactation consultant. It's not important until after 24 hours when your milk comes in." She apparently didn't care about colostrum or crying, hungry babies. She told me other mothers were "more important" than I was since I was still so new. She said, "Go to the nursing class being offered at 8:30." I told her I was very sore and stiff and didn't feel I could go. Besides, I had TAKEN the class beforehand. I needed physical instruction with my baby. She said, "Well you aren't intending on staying in that bed ALL DAY are you? You can't just lie there! You need to get up and move around!" This is at 7am. After a 26 hour labor. After getting into my room at midnight. To a hormonal, painful, emotional woman. She left, and I cried.

Then E had his circumcision. Many things went into our decision to do it, but it was not an easy decision in the slightest. When he came back, we cried. She caught me and asked if I was sick. Then she said that if I was crying about the LC, she did put me on the list after all. I told her to leave me alone.

They told me E would sleep for about 8 hours after the procedure and that it would be ok if I couldn't awaken him to eat. She came in and badgered me every half hour or so and said that he HAD to eat and I HAD to wake him. I just wasn't trying hard enough. I cried again until the pediatrics nurse reassured me. I was secretly sure I wasn't doing a good job as a Mommy. Veeta made sure to help that feeling along.

There were other hateful things she did and said, but she didn't last long thank God. The lactation consultants were absolute angels. The other nurses all did their very best, and the doctors were lovely. I, however, was in a lot of pain (torn backwards and up into my urethra, plus my muscles all felt as if I had been in a wrestling match with a giant), very anxious and wanted to go home and have loved ones around me so badly. We had two visitors afterward, but Mom wasn't coming until later due to snow (and yes, there was sleet and freezing here when E was born), and we really didn't have any other contact besides the two visitors until then. It was hard for this needy girl.

Since big city hospital was so busy, though we had been promised a discharge in the AM, we weren't actually discharged until 11:30pm. I got so excited I started running around, getting things together. They took my blood pressure (which HAD been fine) one last time before I left, and it was 145/95. Uh oh. "Calm down." they said. "Lie still for a while." The nurses gave each other a look that said, "We may have to readmit her." I gave them a look that said, "Over my dead body."

After a lot of calming breaths and complete stillness, it came down to a level acceptable enough that they could discharge me, though it was still elevated. Though my blood pressure is usually on the low end, it had been running high when I was exhausted in later pregnancy.

We came home. E screamed about the changes. I had difficulty getting to sleep. He snuggled on my shoulder finally. E was also jaundiced, so we had an appointment to see his Ped (the evil one) at 8:30 am. During the next week, he had two more blood draws to check his bilirubin levels, and I began to feel really awful. My blood pressure started to skyrocket again. I had 3 emergency room visits on doctor's orders - each lasting at least 7 hours - before I realized that they were going to do the same tests each time, and that they came up mostly clear each time before they'd send me home again. So even though at one point my blood pressure was at 160/115, I stopped going. I just rested as much as possible, tried to calm myself as much as possible, and waited it out. I was very very afraid though. And just so you know? That pressure you feel just under your chest wall like something heavy pushing outward? It's your milk coming in. You're not having a heart attack. Forgive me my naivete since I was dealing with a bit much at the time.

Even after the blood pressure craziness, E's frequent, shrill, desperate screams had me on a razor's edge all the time. We spent a lot of time holding him on our chests while the other parent would sleep. And it was this desperation that eventually led to our (mostly) co-sleeping situation. We just couldn't do the change off thing indefinitely. Hub had to go back to work after a week, and we were just too exhausted. There was no one else. At one point, I awoke from a complete dead sleep to race out to the living room in order to check if E was breathing... as his Daddy held him. It was a crazy time.

Happily, my blood pressure came down on its own. Doctors tell me that just happens sometimes even without preeclampsia. I definitely had a lot more water retention than I thought because my puffy face that I had attributed to weight gain got thinner in days. Even though those first weeks were the hardest ever in my life, they were also among the most amazing. E taught and still teaches me so much every single day. I've learned to be so much more empathetic, understanding and open. I've learned how to really love and care for another human. He taught me that I can't control everything, and he's given me so much joy.

We must not be doing so badly with him because he's starting to sleep better without me. He falls asleep on his own a lot of times and often puts himself back to sleep when he wakes up (teething barred.) He's much more chill and open to new situations and new people. And this kid seems to LOVE being loved, being happy and sleeping in. He's a blessing for sure.

The End (of this part of the story. ;-)

Work

Is it wrong how very much I don't care about work? I mean, appreciate my coworkers, like what I do, want to do it effectively, but care? Not so much.

Open Letter to Pampers

Dear Pampers,

We didn't originally intend to go with your diapers, but got some just in case. Everyone told us they were more leak proof than the brand with the less smelly, more natural diapers we wanted to use, so we decided to trust them. It's a good thing we did, because your Pampers Sensitive in size N, 1 and 2 were wonderful, almost never leaked and didn't seem quite as harsh as some other diapers. Even though we preferred the contents of some other companies, it just didn't work.

Then the little man got larger. We searched for Pampers Sensitive in size 3. Imagine our delight when we found them and ordered them online! We got them and saw that they said "Dry Max." Weird. The other ones didn't have that. We opened them anyway. Our delight turned to annoyance when we found that they are nothing like the original sensitive diapers. There's no wet stripe (not a biggie), no mesh liner (a biggie), and they smell as if they've been dipped in a literal VAT of chemicals. How could a diaper be labeled "sensitive" and smell like that?? We find them not as absorbent, not as comfy for our baby, and not as pleasing as the smaller sizes. Why would you basically take some regular dry max Pampers diapers and label them sensitive? We used them in order to keep our son away from some of the awful ingredients in diapers. He's used to wearing cloth diapers (BumGenius 3.0) when he's not at day care, so he certainly can handle a little wetness. And we're not going to let him sit in a wet diaper forever. Please, please consider a more natural and actually sensitive alternative.

Signed,
A very displeased and bummed FCiF

p.s. Since just wearing them a couple of times gave him a red bum and some red bumps, I'd really like my more than $20 back. We don't have enough money to be wasting on horrible products.

Living up to the Legacy

A fine older baby I know by the name of Elizabeth passed this job onto me when she graduated to climbing things. It's a very important job, and I must get it right for as Elizabeth said, "If I don't move these beads around it will never get done." (I'm still working on my patience with them though.)
Love,
E

This would be Friday Night Leftovers if it was Friday

• I was thinking about the movie "Look Who's Talking" the other day. Remember the part where John Travolta accidentally drinks the breast milk and she just lets him do it and then casually says, "That's breast milk by the way." umm.. yeeah. Right. In the real world it would be, "PUT THAT MILK DOWN RIGHT NOW AND NO ONE WILL GET HURT!"
• E seems to miss nursing so much during his daycare days that he won't drink very much all day and then saves his drinking/comfort nursing for the evening when I'm here... meaning I don't get as much asleep as I would prefer. Anyone have ideas to help me?
  
• Teething does not help our situation. HURRY UP TEETH.
• Mommy left. :( It is confirmed. I need family around. E and she loved one another.
• Suddenly it's raining. (Don't you miss that Jen?)
• We have a pest/lawn maintenance guy coming to give us an estimate tomorrow. We don't really have the money but neither do I have the time (or want to have the time.)
• Seriously, no one else has read Maeve Binchy?
  

Quick

Grandma is here, Hub is away, and I am busy enjoying watching E with her while missing him.
Love,
FCiF

I Read a Book!

I just finished the book Quentins by Maeve Binchy. So many people seem to love her writing so when I saw it at our work lending library, I picked it up. I have to say that while it was somewhat entertaining, I wouldn't choose to read it again. Am I the only one who didn't love her writing? I also didn't so much love the main character. And there's a lot of infidelity going on in her books. Not lovin' that so much either. Yeah yeah, I'm a fairy tale sorta girl I guess.