Hub Speak

What he says: "I'm not napping. I'm just resting my eyes a bit."
What he really means: "I'm going to be unconscious and snoring in 2 seconds, and that will last at least an hour... Just so you know."

Last night Hub loaded the dishwasher just to be nice. I was going to do it, but I was so tired after my sojourn of the day that I kept dragging my feet. He just got up and did it. Then he eagerly dragged my clothes out to the washroom for me to do, because he was afraid he'd forget otherwise. Those of you who know him know that that's a HUGE deal because he usually waits until the last minute and forgets stuff like that.

And finally, when he crawled into bed he hugged me and said, "You know I just don't love you right? I also LIKE you a lot. You're my favorite person." It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, and we had a very productive, brief conversation.

Lots to be thankful for today.

Busy Life, Neglected Blog

So have you ever gotten so interested in your life that you lose some of your interest in blogging? That's where I am right now. Lots of great things are happening for Hub, and I couldn't be happier. I still can't find my durn cable, and I start my new position next week!

We're situated right now to start to save money for another medicated cycle or two and for a stab at adoption. I don't know if we're going to go through the state. There's so much to consider, but time is ticking. Both of us feel it now.

And speaking of the Hub - funny story. I was in the kitchen the other day and heard the tail end of a commercial with a woman explaining her infertility and how some organization or other helped her and gave her hope. Of course it was a story with a happy baby ending. And there were somehow new shoes involved?? Anyway, I then hear Hub snort loudly and sneer, "Yeah, HOPE, that's all you need! Why didn't I think about that? HOPE and POOF - you get a baby! And maybe some new shoes will do it too! New shoes and POOF - a baby! Whatever." He kept grumbling about it for a minute or two after. It was funny because he was so cutely disgruntled and also because he's finally at the point where he's disgusted like I was. But you know what? I'm not so disgusted anymore. I've moved past it to some degree. Fun how we go through these stages separately.

But it's ok. We're still in it together.

Hub Meme

To Baby and Beyond had a great meme posted that I wanted to share. It makes me feel good to talk about Hub. Although I am presuming quite a lot here. I'm sure his answers would be a bit different.

5 Things DH Loves:

1. Me
2. Family
3. Animals
4. Art
5. Food
(I don't know if those are the tops. He also loves cities and movies and travel and on and on and on)

5 Things on DH's "To Do" List:

1. Visit Japan (more of a dream really)
2. Yard Work
3. Go through and clean out his "stuff"
4. Make arrangements for his conventions
5. Lots of work stuff

5 Foods DH Enjoys:

1. Shrimp
2. Lobster Bisque
3. Steak
4. Tuna Noodle cassarole
5. Sushi
(note the absense of veggies and fruits)

5 Things You May Not Know About DH :

1. He likes to be more private than I do.
2. There are a lot of things I still don't know about DH, so I'm not sharing all his secrets with you guys. ;-)
3. He is reserved in public, but very affectionate, fun and silly in private.
4. He loves sunsets as much as I do.
5. He has lived in 3 countries and 4 states/provinces.

5 Quirky Things About DH :

1. He loves scaring me, and his favorite thing to say instead of "Boo" is "BAGGA!"
2. He likes sleeping with lots of pillows.
3. He can't stand to be forced into walking or driving at the same speed as a crowd.
4. He loves to turn his head and see my automatic reaction to kiss him.
5. He can't live without constant access to tea, hot chocolate or flavored coffees.

He Really Loves Me!

Hey there. Feeling a little crampy, crabby, achy. I sure hope this means that AF is on her way so I can get this cycle over with. I'm on my sixth day of Provera, and my doctor's appointments are next week. I'm also dreading going back to work. How crappy is that? I'm hoping to find some sort of relief from that soon.

In the meantime, I can distract myself with thoughts of our upcoming anniversary. Hub tells me wonderful things often, but he rarely links a song to our relationship, or gets all doe-eyed at a movie. That's why, when he told me that he really liked this song because it made him think of me, and when he actually even played it for me, I was completely tickled. It's called "My Best Friend" by Weezer. (Love that Weezer)

When everything is wrong I'll come talk to you
You make things alright when I'm feeling blue

You are such a blessing and I wont be messing
with the one thing that brings light to all my darkness

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

There is no other one who can take your place
I feel happy inside when I see your face
I hope you believe me
'Cause I speak sincerely
and I mean it when I tell you that I need you

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

I'm here right beside you
I will never leave you
and I feel the pain you feel when you start crying

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do
Yes I do...
Yes I do

Communication with the Hub

Cellphone Rings:

Hub: Hey. You know how I say I don't trust people?
Me: [puzzled] Yeeeaah
Hub: Well, I was thinking, and I always trust you. I always believe you.
Me: Um. OK. Thanks babe!
Hub: Well, it's because you never lie to me. Ya know?
Me: I know. Of course I never knowingly lie to you.
Hub: So I'll always believe you.
Me: So if I say I saw a ghost, you'll believe me? (providing I'm not crazy)
Hub: Yup.
Me: I'm holding you to that!

30 seconds later. Cellphone rings again.

Hub: Unless it's about me.
Me: What?
Hub: I always believe you unless it's something about me.
Me: Tell me something I don't know.

Note: My relationship with this man warms me to my toes. I love the trust we have. The following is the Hub's response to my email asking if I can post this conversation.

You can post whatever you want babes. It's fine by me.

Love you.

A short section from another perspective...

Hello everybody. This is actually the husband writing in. I don't even know if what I'm saying is true but I'll do my best to recount our journey together from my viewpoint.

When Barb and I first began trying to have a baby I was happy, excited, scared, but also a little bit ambivalent about the whole thing. I never really had that exact point when I thought "Hey, I'm ready to take on the responsibility of having a child to take care of and raise to become a happy and productive human being." I was pretty much brought along by my wife who wanted and needed a child. The important thing for me is for her to be happy and also for us to have a child before the magic number 30.

After some months of trying without any result, my wife and I got a bit worried. Hope came when Barb started seeing a specialist. The specialist seemed to know what the problem was and had ideas about how to fix it. I thought, "Great, we'll have a baby in no time". Or at least, I thought that my wife's general health would improve as a result of those treatments. I was optimistic.

When Barb started taking Clomid, what was a source of hope for me became a source of stress--mainly because of the way the drug not only affected my wife's mood but her general well-being. She went through a lot of physical problems and side-effects as a result of the many treatments she was put through. Those were really tough because I had thought that what we were doing was supposed to make my wife healthier but it ended up making her feel crampy, bloated,uncomfortable, and in pain. I really hated that she had to go through that. I really wished there was something I could have done to help her and make her feel better. Not only that but I wish there was something I could have done to make her doctors really find out why she's still having problems because it almost always seemed like they just didn't care. That's the frustrating thing.

Barb's gone through a couple of specialists now and through that process I'm come to realize that she might not be able to have a child after all.I know that intellectually but I fear dwelling on that idea for too long because I just can't face that idea emotionally. It's just really tough to handle. I still hold out the faint hope that we'll have our own child someday. I do know now that even though I may not think I'm ready for the responsibility of a child, I feel that I want to take on that responsibility and become the best parent I can be.

Thanks.