All About Moi

I have to say that I've been feeling damn good. My hormones seem fairly stable. I've been getting decent sleep. My work situation has improved drastically after getting away from the person we've discussed before. Hub is not overly busy, and we've been connecting well, and I've finally been able to put my acquaintances and friends in their properly labeled little categories in my brain. This reduces MUCH stress for me. I'm also finding the physical me again! I have energy, and I'm learning that I'm really not a lazy slug. It was just pregnancy and new motherhood that did that to me. I really did and do like being active. I just tire more quickly than the average bear per the usual.

What's more, I'm even finding my interests and hobbies again. Tomorrow I go to talk with a woman who will be my new riding instructor! I am over the moon about this. Riding is therapy for me. It's the only thing I've ever done (other than birth, and that's not something I want to do regularly) where I could focus completely on the task at hand. It clears my mind, it strengthens my body, and it feeds my soul. I rode regularly when we lived up north, but it's expensive and hard to find a good instructor down here. Oh I so can't wait.

Today I had an added bonus surprise. I was reading My Life After Loss and noticed that she had been mentioned on a nursing blog as an excellent blog for infertility support. Now, I like knowing famous people. It gives me a thrill to see their names or blogs on lists, so I clicked over to see hers and to see if I knew anyone else there. Well if I didn't get the shock of all shocks. My blog was listed there as well! The only thing is that I'm listed under IVF, and we have never done IVF. E was also not conceived with any ARTs at all. In my case, my body seems to have difficulty with the delicate balance that is our endocrine system and doesn't respond in very positive way to all those drugs. I ended up (with a large dose of luck) conceiving him after balancing my body. My thyroid was in check with Synthroid, and my PCOS was in check with Metformin. Though don't get me wrong. We did our fair share of Clomid and Femara rounds, procedures, alternative therapies and IUIs.

On a side note; what does it say about me that after the first thrill, my second feeling was guilt that I haven't been writing as well or as often as I used to? Oh those therapy sessions only go so far my friend. I do believe I'll always be battling some of that self esteem crap. My third thought though was, "Whoa. Someone else listed me as having a son. Awesome."

Go check it out! You may even be on the list!

Thankful for the Music

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for all the obvious, but for something just a little different, I'm thankful a coworker introduced me to a really cool new Christmas album. I'm diggin it.

Dustin Kensrue

Movies

Now that E sleeps so well and prefers his crib, I've been able to get back into my own hobbies again! I wouldn't change all that closeness with E for the world, but at the same time, it's pretty nice to go back to a bit more of a "normal" routine and get some of me back. Since I've seen so many movies, I thought I'd list them here just for fun. I've seen most of them on Netflix (thanks Hub), but for one, Hub and I went on a date night! We dropped E off with his daycare provider's daughter to babysit (they love each other), went to the movie and came back, but it was still just us! That was also the day that the lovely Maresi did a photo session with us and we got to eat take out Chinese. I'm easy to please.

Anyway, back to the movies. These are just my opinions. I'm no expert. Please don't hate. ;-)

1. Valentine's Day - Found it dull. Didn't even finish it.
2. The Frog Princess - Lacking at the beginning, but liked it a lot by the end. Beautiful animation. So glad to see traditional come back if even for a moment.
3. Enchanted - SO fun!
4. Babies - Fascinating
5. The Business of Being Born - Equally as fascinating if a little one-sided.
6. Alice in Wonderland (new one) - LOOOOOOOOVED it
7. Newest Harry Potter - I thought it was the most well done one yet. Enjoyed it very much.

I'm catching up y'all! Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow!

Lucky

****Not good for those having a bad IF day****

Today, I looked down at my beautiful son playing contentedly while sitting in my lap and I unexpectedly teared up. God life has been good to us. How we got this lucky I'll never know, but I'll never stop being thankful for it.

Story Bullets

• E has two teeth on the bottom and the top FOUR are working on their appearance.
• Speaking of teeth, I have proof that your toothbrush makes a difference. My Dentist had given me a new type of toothbrush that I used for the requisite three months. That whole time I noticed more mysterious staining and teeth that just didn't feel as clean. Now that I'm back with my good old Oral-B, the stains have disappeared, and my teeth feel slick again.
• I'm really enjoying the book series, "Dealing with Dragons." (Thanks Jen!) It's rare that I like each book more than the last, but that is happening with these.
• I also read, "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" and found it enjoyable and sensible. A funny side note is that my family has been handing down a lot of Dr. Karp's wisdom for years but not in such a tidy package. He always says he uses information from how people have raised their babies in times past as inspiration, and I guess that's true! It's just that so many people these days don't have a family history or lots of help around.
• I miss my family. When I was home, I felt like me. I relaxed into my role as mother and found peace. It was like the final chapter in my healing. It felt like "real life" for some weird reason.
• When Hub and I were at BWI, he looked at me and said, "Let's just stay."
• I truly think if we could sell the house, it would be a very viable option to move closer to family again.
  
• Nice thing is, we will have a LOT of family visiting over the next 3 months.
• We may go a little crazy, and I may be very much less available, but it's still nice.
• At work the other day, I was talking to a customer about her beautiful little girl with Asperger's syndrome. We were discussing fun things for kids to do in the area - especially sensitive children. I mentioned a few things, and she said, "I wanted to, but my husband didn't. You know men." She repeated that a few times. I thought to myself, "Actually, luckily I don't. Hub is wonderful that way. He loves to do the things E would enjoy. He throws himself into being his Daddy and enjoys it whole heartedly when the baby is happy." It was nice to think about.
• An Older Version had a wonderful post recently about the struggle with accepting how people see you differently as a Mother. I agree that many gift you with kindness that they didn't before. However, my struggle through work has been very different. I have been seen as less dedicated, my loyalty questioned and my worth dismissed. In my line of work, many people see having children as foolish and irresponsible and have no interest in babies. Therefore, I have felt gagged sometimes when it comes to talking about him. Even the women who do have children seem to feel the need to "tow the line" and prove that they are "tougher" than the average mother. Quite frankly, it's frustrating and disgusting.
• At the same time, many of them are very quick to judge how much you love your child. Ridiculous.
• It's good to remember that everyone's experiences are different.
• I hope you've enjoyed my story bullets.
• Bring on the Christmas!!!!
  

Letters to Babybutt - Nearing 11 months!

My Dear Baby:

I missed your letter at 10 months because so much was happening! You are developing in communication, locomotion and learning at such a rate that I can't even really list individual accomplishments that easily anymore. What's more, you are turning into a little boy right in front of our eyes. You've always kept most of your baby fat on those chunky thighs and arms, but now your face and body are even more lean, making you look less babyish than ever. The first hair cut you just received from Auntie (my sister) didn't help matters, but you look ever so handsome. Your personality is blooming, and everyone is in love with you. (No, I'm not biased. Why do you ask?)

You recently took your first plane ride to meet all of your Pennsylvania family and loved it. When you got squirmy, I walked you up and down the plane aisle. While you are still a bit coy and shy, you overcame your reservations quickly enough to begin flirting with every single woman we passed. You even had the flight attendants wrapped around your chubby little thumb. You were flashing that gorgeous smile left and right and tucking your head into my neck charmingly. On our flight home, you even dared lean over to attempt a computer coup from the man across the aisle. Speaking of computers, man do you love them. We have thought about getting you an old keyboard to play with, but you have no interest in a keyboard that isn't affecting any change in the computer itself. I can't believe you've made that connection. You are amazing. And by the way, it was SO cute to see you in winter gear. I took you out to see your first snow one night. I don't think you were so fond of the cold. Remind me to show you the beautiful snowy night photo in which you wear an expression of profound disgust.

Even though you hated the cold, you seemed to love being around all that family warmth and love. I hope someday we do live closer. I felt at peace seeing you like that. You were in awe of your biggest cousin and learned things like how to steal toys from the younger (though older than you) cousin. Your younger cousin tried to include you on everything and patted your head when you cried. It was so sweet. It was trying to keep up with those two that finally prompted you to begin crawling on all fours and to abandon the army crawl. You still couldn't keep up. But that didn't stop you from trying!

In fact, you are trying new things and are learning and communicating like crazy. I'll just share two cute stories to wrap up this letter.

- I was reading to you the other night when you stopped the book halfway and leaned over the rocking to share to see what else might be better down there as you usually do. Only this time, after looking you flipped to your belly and slid off my lap. Then you proceeded to crawl over to the pile of books and shove them all aside with your hand. Then you dug out the book you wanted, slapped your hand on it and looked up at me hopefully. When I picked you up and began reading that one, you smiled and sat contentedly throughout. Oh my baby, you have always had such strong opinions. I have no idea where you got them. ;-)

-When at your Grandma's house, we decided to give you a bath in the kitchen sink. You tried to turn on the water as you always do. Her sink has a lever instead of knobs. When you were pushing the lever up, your arm accidentally bumped the sprayer to the right of the faucet. You glanced at it and continued to play with the water. At one point though, you pushed the faucet too far over to the point that you couldn't get enough leverage to turn it on. Seeming to find it broken you tried a few different ways, then looked to the side where the sprayer was. A light bulb went off and you lifted the sprayer, jiggled it, then set it back down and tried to move the lever again. In doing so, you accidentally moved it back to where you could get it, and the water turned on. We watched this process for about 10 minutes and any time you couldn't get the water turned on easily, you turned to the sprayer, jiggled it and tried again. It was a learned superstitious behavior. It was just like watching animal training and was fascinating. Apparently the urge to jiggle something to make it work is a programmed response. Grandma and I laughed ourselves silly and took video. I'll show it to you someday.

Thank you for making our lives so much more wonderful. We love you forever.

Mama

America in Decline?

Please all - share your opinions/expertise on this article. At first read, it sounds a bit more harsh than could possibly be needed, though I do think we have a lot of issues. However, I am not expert in any of these things.

Place Holder

The sick, the work, the house, the fun: they all get in the way of blogging. I must discuss this issue of an over 10 month old baby, relate a funny story and muse on various other topics. Hopefully I'll get to it soon. In the meantime, I am now menstruating for real for the first time since conception of the sweetness. I thought it would seem more strange than it does. On a happy front, it's not nearly as painful as usual, though it's still a bit... um... much. We shall see if I can now continue to ovulate without Metformin. Let's just say I am not overly optimistic.

I'm also not going to go for that job. After a lot of deliberation, it's just not a situation I think I can put myself in right now. From all accounts, it's a bit hairy right now, and I'm pretty happy with my current bosses. The other boss would also be one with whom I've already dealt. And we all know how well that went.

Letters to Babybutt - 10 mos - aborted edition

Here is the letter I never finished, but I wanted it to go up as a record anyway....

Hello my darling!

You are actually now well on your way to 11 months old, but things have been so busy around here, I'm just now sitting down to type a letter to you. Everything is speeding by so quickly! You have picked up so many more little boy characteristics and are dropping baby traits every day. Slow down my love! At the same time, it's so much fun to watch you plow through life with your exuberant sweetness and big smile. Your personality is coming into sharper focus, and I'd have to say that you seem like a boy who is determined to be happy. You try to hard to make your experiences what you want them to be and to stay smiling. For a baby who couldn't self soothe well, you are now a phenomenally good natured kid who can easily relax. You still have a tendency toward shyness and overstimulation, but things keep getting easier for us. You're also stubborn and determined. It's fun to watch you figure out where things go or how the bottle top unscrews.

Play has become more than a learning exercise. It's your new FUN! Play is all you think about lately. When we went home to visit Mommy's family, you were so excited to try to play with your two older cousins. Your daycare lady has even reported that they taught you how to steal toys from other kids. Oh dear.

So Much Has Happened....

• If you find yourself lost, going to where your heart is helps a lot.
• My baby likes planes.
• On the other hand - PSA: To ease ear discomfort in your baby (AND YOU) NEVER sit in the back.
• I am never getting caught up on reader methinks.
• I like when my husband has all this time for us.
• It makes me remember how much I like my husband.
• It's definitely easier to have a baby around a lot of loving family. No more suspicions. It's fact.
• My baby is now 10 mos old and developing like a fiend! His letter is going to be FULL this month.
  
• I'm applying for a part time job that keeps benefits. Wish me luck. Doubtful I'll get it.
• So many posts that need to be written in more depth. ACK!

Coolest Toy Ever

One of E's Godmothers got this AWESOME toy for him for his first Halloween. We had seen it in Target and talked about getting it many times, but A's generosity stopped us from needing to! We all love it!

Playing Catch Up

I hope everyone who celebrates it had a great Halloween! It was E's first, and we enjoyed it very much. We get fewer and fewer kids trick or treating in our neighborhood though. It's depressing. We need to move to a rich neighborhood I guess. The one we visited later in the evening to see a haunted house was hoppin. It's sad because every year our little cul-de-sac does it up right. We all have fun decorations, lots of candy and sit outside with whole or partial costumes on. Some of us even have music and spooky sounds! We're all trying very hard to keep our neighborhood friendly and active, but it's definitely an uphill climb sometimes.

But enough with the sad stuff. It's a good thing E had 2 costume choices because the first was vehemently rejected. It was sad at the time, but looking at the photo of it sends me into giggle fits. He ended up going as a very cute (though only partially costumed - WHY do we never remember the southern, warmer parts of the country?) spider. We did trick or treat all around our street, and everyone oohed and ahhed. We also listened to The Nightmare Before Christmas music and just spent a lot of time together as a family.

In other news:

• E and I voted today! We both got a sticker but due to aforementioned propensity for eating such treats, his was promptly removed.
• Last night was E's first night in a LONG time in his own room in his own crib by himself. Mommy was anxious, but ok. He slept very well until about 5 am when he woke up screaming and refused to go back to sleep until 7:30 when Mommy consented to lie on the futon on his room and sing to him.
  
• He's been fighting sleep a lot more lately. Tips?
• Hub has been between extra projects at work, so stuff has been getting done in the house! Yippeee! At this rate, we'll be done in under 10 years! hehe (Then we'll just have to start all over again.)
• The baby is developing like CRAZY. Fun post about all that coming up. He is understanding so much more now.
• Remember this story? Well E was doing it again the other day - but this time because of a black comb with white tipped teeth. Who knew?
• Situations in my life have been improving, and I've been feeling better. There's still some hurt over what feels to me to be some abandonment, but those people are slowly ceasing to matter. That's just the way I work. You either matter a LOT, or you don't at all. It just takes me a long time to get to either one.
• FALL IN FLORIDA! aaaaaaaaaahhhhh.