Happy Things Time

I have been a bit... hmm... disgruntled lately. So instead of filling my blog with my grumblings, I decided it's time to do a Happy Things post. Those usually keep me out of trouble.

1. The Amazing Race being back on! (dah, dah, dah, da-da-da, dah, dah, dah!)*
2. Stonyfield Farms Yogurt
3. Stonyfield Farms Yogurt on sale
4. Cooler nights and prettier Fall days
5. Making new friends
   
6. Friends who make you feel good
7. Fall bird migration
8. Hub being between big work at home projects**
9. Lose yourself fantasy books
10. The library!
11. Finding ways to simplify life***
12. Sweet cuddly pets
13. Tolerating Metformin better
14. Halloween coming!
15. Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack
16. The Daily Show
    

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*You mean you don't know what that is? It's the theme song from the beginning sillies! Hub and I get all excited when it comes on and sing along with it just like that. Bet you wish you could be there.

**Meaning he has more time for ME. I'm a glutton for his attention.

***I always love to have a simpler life, but it's a financial necessity now as we all know.

Slightly Distracted Fun Food Friday

Cashew Butter! Provided you like cashews, it is a creamy, flavorful balm for the tongue. You won't even notice the missing sugar. I love to eat it on toast and with apple slices. Hell, sometimes I even like to lick it right off the spoon. And unlike natural peanut butter, when I put it in the refrigerator, the consistency gets even better. When I eat cashew butter, I feel like I'm not missing dessert at all.

The one problem with it is that it's pretty pricey. Sadly, it remains a rare treat pour moi.

As always, if you'd like to contribute your review, check here.

Now I'm off to watch what remains of the debate before my bed time. Can I just say that I am quite glad that I research the issues on my own and don't use ads and debates to make my decision? There is lots of inaccuracy and generalization flying about. I watch the debates mainly to see how the candidates handle the pressure.

Might as well have some fries with that...

So you remember this post about offensive political emails at Creating Motherhood? At the time, I voted that it's generally best to just delete them. However, I forgot to add that if it's someone I care enough about, I sometimes will point out that while the email may be funny, I am among the intended targets for all the hilarity. I've had a few polite responses or interesting discussions after my replies.

However, I've also lately been barraged by a few people even after I've asked that they kindly refrain and then gone on to ignore the more rabid rants. These missives all share some important conclusions.

1. I am surely a blibbering idiot.
2. If I am not an idiot, then I am at the very least, completely unable to research facts to choose a candidate according to my beliefs on policy.*
   
3. The world will probably implode if I go ahead with the vote I intend to cast.
4. Maybe I am evil in addition to number one.
5. My candidate is the Devil and a bad tipper to boot (support for number 4).
6. I am surely a blibbering idiot.
   

WHY. WON'T. THEY. STOP?

At least the forwards aren't personal. The self-typed ones are personalized just for me. Aren't I lucky? Anyway, I'm saying all this to point out that I've developed a new policy. It is this: Unless you are pretty certain that the person with whom you are corresponding can give you a different viewpoint in an objective manner (WITH facts and true examples), just hit delete on all forwards until after the election in November. It will save a lot of hassle.**

And remember to check out those facts! Here are some whoppers from both sides so far for '08.

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*These are usually the individuals that also don't have any facts to support their thoughts - just emotions and a sense of, "I'm voting for X because he just seems like a golly gosh darn super guy!"

**Please know to those with whom I've corresponded successfully on these issues - I am not talking about you. I'm talking about the people who lash out.

Crafty Things

It's been a while since I posted any of my fun crafty things. With the moods I've been having lately, I should probably get back into that. It usually helps.

Here is a fabulously fun thing that a friend made for me:
They are scissors that you wear around your wrist while knitting. Love them!

I also knitted this scarf for a friend who gave me an extraordinarily kind and generous gift. The idea is that it looks simple and chic and is easy to wear under a nicer winter coat.You can get the pattern here: Ribbed Mini-Scarf
I added a few rows to the smallest pattern. I suppose it depends on your yarn and gauge, but mine would have been very small otherwise.

Even though I've labeled this "happy times," I can't say I've been all that "up." I just feel like a lot has been conspiring against me lately. I did finish reading "The Host" by Stephenie Meyer and enjoyed it very much!

Lazy Days

I finally got my lazy beach day! I can't normally stand the direct sun on the beach for more than an hour or so, but last year I bought an umbrella. That thing is a God send! Hallelujah! We were able to soak up the perfect weather and doze under the beautiful blue sky for about four hours. I can't emphasize enough the importance of an umbrella when visiting a Florida beach.

I have a lot of things planned for the next few weekends. As a result, I don't know how much blogging I'll be doing. Right now I'm somewhere in the late 30's in my cycle (who keeps track after a while?) and I've had 6 straight days of the same temp. Loverly.

Thanks so much for the great comments on my previous post. I will reply per the usual.
xo
FCiF

Convoluted Catharsis

I have not been having the greatest time emotionally lately. I have insecurity issues at the best of times, but add that with some of the latest barrels of laughs, and it becomes a glaring problem.

Generally, as my cycles lengthen (CD 34 now) without any ovulation or period, I start sleeping more fitfully. My theory is that I need the cycle of progesterone in my body for some semblance of normalcy. During my luteal phases and when on provera, I usually sleep very well. I also start to notice more unexplained mood shifts, anxiety and depression as the cycle slogs on. As I continue to lose out on sleep, those problems only intensify. I'm beginning one of those awful phases now. It's always a guessing game to see how long I should wait before taking the provera that will end the angst. This time I guess I will have to call Endo to see if it matters that I'm taking glucophage at the same time. I can't imagine it does.

Now we pile on the things that make it worse. We recently had an anonymous peer review at work (you remember.. that place I've been whining about?). I generally like to know how I'm performing, but this was more about personality and social skills. Still - I thought I would like to know. The thing I didn't count on was that I would have more surprises than I imagined. I had surprises that seriously made me reconsider who I thought I was compared to what I must portray. I also wondered if I had been completely wrong about relationships I thought were very stable. It's been very unsettling for me. And I'm learning that when my physical self is unsettled and completely out of my control, I need some semblance of stability for my emotional self lest I lose it all.

I will probably try to address some of the issues I saw in my evaluations, but at the same time, I am so weary. I am so afraid of becoming "that person." I'm so afraid of becoming the person that is not self aware and who doesn't seek to better herself. I strive all the time to work on my flaws and further my learning about who I am and about the world around me. I'm not sure if I'm always successful (especially after this eval), but it is difficult for someone with the security and depression issues that I have. But I do try. Tonight though, I half sobbed to Hub, "Is it ok if I just decide to give in and be ME? Can I just accept that I have these flaws, try to work around them and accept myself as I am? Then if someone doesn't like me, that's fine right? That's just how it is."

Hub's answer - "Yes honey, that's absolutely fine. It's what I always do. It will save you a lot of worry. You can't please everyone." (I'm paraphrasing)

I liked that answer. I'm really tired. I'm tired in so many ways. I'm tired of struggling at work, with finances, with myself, with my reproductive system, with my whole body. I'm tired of trying to mold myself to fit all people and all situations. I'm actually tired of trying to better myself. Sometimes I want to just BE. I'm tired of living this weird half-life. Half of me is still tied up in motherhood - in the need to mother. I want to be whole. I want a simpler life.

I'm going to try to get there. I'm done with that phase of my life. The "bettering myself" phase has lasted about 14 years. I think I'm done. I will still better myself, but mainly to please me. I will better myself to more reflect the moral, happy, learned person that I want to be, not that I'm told or that I imagine others want. And to start that, I need to back down. I've spoken of the need for that before... of the need to be quieter, more observant, less vocal until I can get a handle on me. I wanted to be strong, open and confident. I don't anymore. Now I want to be quiet, reflective and confident. The other isn't working so well anyway. Don't worry. If I'm absolutely confident in your presence and in your love for me, a lot of the openness will come back quickly once I sort some stuff out. If not, and you'd like it to, then the ball's in your court. I'm totally OK with a quieter relationship and more armor for my feelings. Although Hub says I should try to just "not care," I imagine that will take a while.

Thanks to all for your help along the way to finding out who I am and what I need.

I Just Had to Share

I have a story to add to the previous post. So we went shopping, and I found a super clearance deal on what I thought were cute little hot shorts bikini bottoms. They were blue, green and white with a design on the front and they were $5.00. I happened to have a very cheap white bikini top that I had gotten from a Victoria's Secret clearance that would go perfectly with them. I bought them and showed them off excitedly to Jen.

Then I got home and tried them on. The front was so cute! The little stitched design was adorable and they covered a little more of the problem areas - just like I prefer. But then I turned around. They rode very high up on my "cheeks," exposing quite a lot more than I like. What's worse is that that style does not fit my body very well. I have a certain noticeable lack of "cheeks" to show off. Dejected, I put them away and pouted to Hub on the phone about not being able to wear it (even though he thought they would be awesome of course.)

When Hub got home, he insisted that I show him. I was adamant that I would never wear such an atrocity, but he stood firm. I started to put them on again when I noticed something - the tag was inside the front of the suit. "Weird," I thought to myself, "The tag usually goes in the back." Then it dawned on me. I was wearing the bottoms backwards the first time I tried them on. That cute design on the "front?" It was supposed to be on your bottom. When I tried it on the right way, it looked very cute.

Hub laughed and laughed. How triumphant he felt! Finally! His wife has a bikini that she will actually wear without too much shyness! In my defense, that design really is so cute that I thought it would be on the front. I'm apparently the opposite of "young" and not "hip" to the fact that most designs now emphasize your bottom. sigh.

Therapy Day

OK, so finally I can say I feel good in a post and mean it! My very angry stomach and very woozy head decided to give me a break today after I watched my diet very closely. I am much improved, though still not on the feelin' good high I was on most of the past week.

Thank goodness I did feel good, because Jen came by and we did a spot of shopping and sightseeing. I'd say we were pretty successful with both. Damn I love a bargain. The eating portion of our outing was filled with some particularly memorable laughing and snorting that probably was not so becoming. I guess she likes me if she could see that red-faced mess and be ok with it. To add to the fun, I managed to wear some of that most detested of herbs - cilantro - on my forehead*. At least Jen didn't make me walk around with it stuck there all day. The laughing fit must have loosened me up, because despite my efforts to be on best behavior, Jen also managed to see a little of the potty mouthed me. Lovely. That's what my profession does to a person - turns her into a rough and tumble little sailor. Let's see... liberal, loony, messy and potty mouthed. What do ya think of me now internets**?

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*It's much better there than in the mouth. Ugh. I have decided that I will appropriate Jen's term for it - the Devil's herb.

**Thank you GWB for giving us such wonderful catch phrases and mispronunciations. Nucular War in eye-rak anyone? (This disease seems to be contagious).

Who Needs Twitter?

Oh my good Lordy. Remember my post about Mott's Applesauce? I just tried the Granny Smith flavor. I bought it on a whim, thinking it might be ok, but that the berry flavors would always be first in my heart. I was soooooooo WRONG. It is deliciousness in a small, plastic non-recyclable (see this Mott's?) cup. It almost made me swoon at first taste. It's tart, but sweet. It's complex. It's... delicious. I'm at a loss.

You might be saying, "If you love it so much why don't you marry it?" Don't tempt me.

On how I felt great, then didn't, then went all political on your asses

I was going to blog about how good I've been feeling lately, but this morning that all seemed to go down the tubes. So instead, I'd like to share a very interesting article that Hub sent to me. It was one of those rare things that almost literally causes me to squint from the glare of the lightbulb that has just gone on above my head. The psychologist who wrote it is very liberal, but his viewpoints on the differences between conservative and liberal thinking and how we can bridge the gap between the two beneficial stances is fascinating.

Please enjoy: What Makes People Vote Republican?

As a footnote, I'd like to add that Snopes has gotten a lot of my readership lately with some of the claims that have been flying around about the candidates. Please research before hitting forward. Please research the issues thoroughly (and not by watching the Ads or the candidates themselves) before you decide on your candidate. We cannot afford ignorance.

Fun Food Friday - Issue 3!

Today's fun food is .... AGAVE NECTAR! This delightful sweetener is light and supposedly low on the glycemic index. That's all the proof I need to eat it! It melts so much easier than honey, and tastes particularly fabulous in teas and drizzled over no sugar added peanut butter bread. I've even used it in plain yogurt to great effect.

If you can believe it, I actually prefer agave nectar to sugar. It melts faster than sugar, it has a lighter taste, but sweetens more heavily, and the way the syrup wraps lightly around my tongue but doesn't stick makes me sigh. Since it actually is sweeter than sugar, remember to follow instructions on how much agave to use when substituting.

Happy sweet tooth everyone!

For info on how to join Fun Food Fridays, click here.

Complaining Again

The joys of Metformin. I already hate it nearly as much as I hated Clomid. I'm still giving it a chance though. Endo confirmed that those with hypothyroid usually suffer a higher number of and more severe side effects than the rest of the population. The good news in that is that I haven't been crazy all these years... at least not about that.

Here's the deal now. I feel like my period is coming all the time - lower back ache, cramping in ovaries and uterus, mood swings and skin break out. I love it. The persistent light nausea seems to be getting a little better. I do wonder though - I've had trouble focusing and had some vision problems for about a week and a half now. Is that something I should be concerned about? Should I call my doctor? I hate to bug her with everything if it's nothing ya know?

What a lovely post. Sometimes I don't even attempt eloquence. And you know what? It's a little freeing - like watching TV in your underwear.

The Ache

I was a complete "oops" baby as they were referred to in those days. So the big brother I always thought would be cool to have? Not for me. And then after me there was turmoil and strife and no more babies. I used to plead with my Mom for a little sister. I obviously didn't understand quite how that happened. I also used to pray at night for a little sister to call my own.

Then my Mom met my Stepfather. He had an 8 month old baby girl. I didn't see her for the answer to my prayers that she was. I hefted her around as best a 7 year old could and treated her like she was a cute kid that I was helping to babysit. Then Mom and Stepfather got more serious. I got jealous. There were lots of battles of wills between all concerned. When someone called that fun, chubby kid who got into my stuff my "sister," I would always make sure they knew exactly how we had become a family. Again - I was young and stupid and didn't see that my prayer had been answered. I liked her, don't get me wrong. She was cute and sweet, but there was so much stuff going on that it got in the way of my clear thinking.

As the years wore on, and I got wiser, I started to understand just what an amazing gift I had been given. We fought like crazy, yes. You'd think with a 7 year age difference that I would be above that, but no dice. She screamed at me so I sat on her. She eavesdropped. I tattled. But through that trial by fire, we became true sisters. In my heart, there is no one else who could fill that space as she does.

And yet again, she has proven what a considerate, wonderful sister she is. I know I blabber about my family (maybe brag is the right word) a lot, but it's because they really do deserve accolades. They have been almost to a man (and yes I mean man) so understanding and helpful through this struggle. I would probably lose it completely without them. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful family and such a wonderful husband. I feel guilty sometimes even expecting to get what I want family wise because I've already been given so much. It's part of why I'm paranoid about Hub's safety.

There I go again, losing my train of thought. All this lead-up is just to say that Sis is pregnant again. She sent me an e-mail to tell me. You may think that sounds inconsiderate, but it's not. It's how I like to find out so I can control my reaction. Even though I'm happy for people, I never know if I'm going to be able to express it properly or not, and that makes me feel badly. She also was so sweet in the way she wrote it. Actually, when I read the first line, my heart started to pound because the way it was written I thought that I had done something and she was trying to tell me that she was done with me! haha.

I hate to think that people have to grovel to me when they tell me about their pregnancies, but in some crappy way, that's what I seem to expect. I need that understanding that they understand and appreciate my struggle. She expressed herself so eloquently and with such feeling that how could I ever doubt that she understands and cares?

It does hurt, but I think not in the way she expects. I wrote back to her and expressed my gratitude and congratulations. I told her how much I love her, and how I just wish we could share some of what it is to be pregnant, to be a mother. I also wrote about how much I wish we could have children near the same age who could be cousins. I want them to run and play together just like I did with my cousins. I wrote that and I began to sob. I could feel it burning in my chest long before that, but as I got to that last bit, that's what did it. Just as Unsung Lullabies said, it's the death of my reproductive story. The one I had written for myself is already long gone even if we do have children. My Grandfather won't know them. My beloved Aunt won't know them. More family members who should have been able to meet my children age as I sit childless. I don't even get to experience pregnancy with my Sister.

Luckily though, I've been grieving about this for well over 2 years. The sobbing is intense and brief. Then I get about life's business. I'm getting good at it. I'm also very lucky in that once I can focus on the new human in our midst, love overtakes jealousy and grief. Someday, maybe I can let go of this dream of pregnancy and of the fear of adoption, and we will have our child. But I really don't think the ache will ever truly disappear.

There's an ELECTION going on?

A brief departure from the world of "me" for some political stuff. (Well ok, only a little departure since it's still about what I think.)

I usually try to stay fairly quiet and balanced about my own leanings, but it's getting closer, and I'm not going to be able to gag myself as much. Besides, if you haven't figured out that I lean quite liberal yet, then I imagine you don't mind.

Io at Who Shot My Stork has had some very interesting political observations lately. I like it when other bloggers are eloquent. It takes any pressure off me to be the same about world events. ;}

I also recently saw this genius Daily Show clip.

Oh, and I always admired John McCain. I no longer admire his politics though and am somewhat glad he made it easier for me to make my voting decision. This video may be a bit mean spirited in places, but near the end, it illustrates quite eloquently what I liked about the man before this election, and what I don't like about him now.

Ah Whatever

Ya know... the stuff I've been reading about Metformin is really starting to get to me. I read studies that say it does help. I read studies that say it doesn't help. I read studies that say it helps for a little while and then stops. Then I read accounts and admonishments that you have to follow a very strict routine, otherwise it's not effective. And on top of all that, I read that it's never as effective as improvements in diet and exercise.

You know what sucks though? There is very little on how it affects thin women with PCOS. I'm very tired of hearing how if I would just improve my diet and exercise more, then I wouldn't need any meds. Bullshit*. Let me tell you how my life goes. I go to work where I walk somewhere around 5 to 7 miles in a day depending on my duties for the day. I lift heavy things and sometimes suffer repetitive stress injuries from lots of physical activity. On top of that, the Hub and I try to be active on our weekends, and I eat healthier than almost everyone in my immediate circle. I eat healthy enough in fact that it's often difficult for me to go to someone else's house and have enough to eat or to not offend them with my restrictions. Has that helped my cycles? Not enough.

So I'm not reading anymore. I invite and welcome tips from readers, but I'm done with research. I'm not capable of the completely strict routine due to the nature of my job, my life and just MY nature. So if that makes me fail, then so be it. I have to be a happy human being sometimes. The one thing I read that really did help me is that it can take 4 to 6 months for cycles to normalize on Met. Since I'm on cycle day 24 with no ovulation and no fertile signs at all, I imagine it could take me that long. God knows I'm worried that it will go like it did last time and I will never ovulate while on this drug. Last time I didn't even O with gonadotropins while on this drug. (very very unusual for me. I tend to be the classic thin pcos super over responder to ovulation induction)

But I will try to be patient. I'll give this a chance. If it doesn't work, then it's on to Chinese medicine and a "what will be will be" mentality. I may do another IUI at some point, but at this time, I can't shake the feeling that nothing's going to work while I'm so out of balance hormonally. I don't have unlimited resources to just keep trying until it does.**

But until then, let's see what Met has done for me hmm?

The Good: Clearer skin, fewer hunger "crashes" and less jittery hunger feelings, not as many emotional highs and lows

The Bad: Crap interest in usually fun bedroom activities, random stomach upset, complete disgust at the thought of eating protein (never been a protein gal, but now it's worse), major sugar cravings, many flatline temps on my bbt (never a good thing historically), fatigue.

I'll keep documenting this, and we'll hope that the balance shifts.

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*I have a sneaking suspicion that MANY women feel this way regardless of their weight status. Weight seems to be a cop out. Now that I'm thinner, I've even gotten comments that maybe a little weight gain could only help. Excuse me while I cough "bullshit" into my hand once again.

**Even though I had a dream the other night that I got a job that came with a pleasant surprise - full fertility benefits! Aaah the fantasy life.

(Slightly Less) Fun Food Friday!

Funny. After moping about the conditions on food in my life, I now get to write a "Fun Food Friday" post. I can't lie and say I'm feelin' it. I'm not. Even though it's the Met and my body that are causing all the problems here, it sure feels like the food's fault.

But I think I can work up enough excitement for one entry.

One snack that has not let me down this whole time is Mott's no sugar added applesauce. I don't know what I'd do without it. Sometimes I get the jar of plain applesauce and add cinnamon for some extra yum. Right now I'm obsessed with getting the different flavors of their mixed sauce in little work friendly cups. My favorites are the strawberry, peach and country berry. It's always been a comfort food and now I'm counting my lucky stars that some genius finally realized that fruit is sweet enough without sugar, and that there is no need to add aspartame!!

I guess I can't shake the grumps. Oh well. If you're cut off from sugar like I am, try this. It's delicious. It's sweet. It's refreshing. It makes Barb slightly less grumpy.


If you want to join in, see this post for details.

Ugh*

Hub said to me today, "I think the Met changed your voice. It sounds different. It's a lot more whiny than usual." Smartass.

The problem is, he's right. (Please don't tell him I said that.) I have been in turns nauseous, fatigued, hungry, apathetic about food, hopeful, despairing, carb fearing and carb craving. I started out all cocky and confident. That confidence led me to eat a huge bowl of whole wheat spaghetti early on. That was not a good decision. I spent days wondering if my stomach would ever quiet again. On top of that, I had a lot of foggy headed drowsiness.

So my next step was to FEAR carbs. They were the enemy - the sweet, delicious enemy - but the enemy just the same. I bought lots of high protein snacks, foods and drinks. I ate them with relish. I ate them until I felt that if I saw one more almond or piece of baked fish I might yack. I yearned for rice, potatoes, corn chips for Pete's sake! But my stomach was fairly still, so I resisted.

Then I became even more listless and crabby. I felt nauseous often and just not quite right. I wanted carbs with a vengeance that bordered on obsession. We had a meal with rice a few nights ago. I devoured that rice. I would like to say I chewed it with heavenly abandon, but it was more like greedy glee. I didn't overindulge, but man did that rice make a difference. The craving didn't stop there, so I started allowing more carbs back in bit by bit. I started feeling better and my intestines didn't revolt! Now I have to be careful not to binge because man do I want to.

It's so difficult to balance this. It's so individual and such a royal P.I.T.A. I've learned that I, like many others, cannot tolerate too much lettuce while on Met. Sigh. But I can handle some dairy and some white grains. Kashi whole grains seem to be the best though. I can also cheat like crazy if I do it very very carefully when the sun sets on the third Sunday in June. I can't take my first dose at breakfast. My digestive system takes offense to something that jolting so early in the morning. But I CAN take it about 40 minutes after lunch. My evening dose is best done with milk, right before bed.

Beside the whole eating mess, there's another side to the Met that has me frustrated and cranky. Since I've started it, I have very little interest in the finer (or should I say baser?) aspects of married life. And the few times I do, my pesky stomach often protests if it's jostled or touched to much. Can anyone tell me how conducive that is to creating a child???

So yes, I'm whiny. And cranky. And hungry and pissy and worried this will just be like every other treatment. I'll go through lots of shit and self sacrifice for absolutely nothing.

*Yes that's all I can muster for a title. Wanna make somethin' of it?

Insight

I've learned a lot this lovely Labor Day weekend. Shall I share?

1. While Jacksonville has its perks, it is not a city I will be driving hours to visit again any time soon.
2. I miss the beach. I want to go to the beach for a whole day with nothing else to do. (ahem DH)
3. I miss bird watching. Hopefully we can start that again soon.
4. Older gentlemen can have a lot of fun windsurfing on the beach.
5. I love Sing Star Amped and Pop!
6. If you are beyond movement and very pathetically and prettily beg Hub to carry you to your bed and perhaps brush your teeth for you, he will oblige at least one of those requests in a very sweet way. He might even take a detour for you to check the locks, turn off the lights and pick up a few things. (XO Hub)
   
7. I think it was Seussgirl on One Day Two Day who mentioned the Pomegranate Dark Chocolate Haagen-Dazs Bar ages ago. Thanks to her, I have been scouring every grocery retailer I see since. I found them at Target this weekend and HAD to have them in spite of my "condition." All I can say about that tart, sweet, creamy, chocolate deliciousness is DAYUM! Thanks Seussgirl. I learned that it's worth it.
8. If I time my indiscretions just right, and eat just the right amount of the right thing, I can get away with about one a day without too much grief. (I'm all about cheating)
   
9. The reason that people lose weight on Metformin is because it makes them feel sick so often. I'm convinced that the "losing interest in food" side effect is because: A. You get so tired of eating the same damn healthy things, so food loses all appeal and B. The thought of any food often makes you feel sick, and it's then just not worth it to eat.

Thanks for learning along with me!