To further add to the warm fuzzies; as I mentioned before, Malloryn honored me with a blurb and the "pink rose award" created by Kymberli at I'm a Smart One (and she is too!). Since I'm still floating on all those happy clouds, I'm just going to put it out there and say that I think all of you deserve such awards daily in your lives. All of you who comment on others' blogs to make them feel good, all who write to help themselves and hope that it helps others too, and all those who have been through so much heartache but still have the energy to give back. You deserve a little something like this in your lives each and every day.OK, I think I've dealt enough sappy pie for the day, so it's on to answering the question some of you asked. I mentioned possible criticism in my previous post because I was worried that I may offend some adoptive parents. I didn't want them to think that I in any way thought that adoption was a less valid means to become parents than procreation. I also thought there may be a few out there who think that it really is self-centered of me to be so stuck on the idea of a biological child, and to be so afraid of the rigors of adoption that it hinders my movement toward that goal. I know most of you can totally empathize with the things I say, but you never know who might read your blog, and I've seen people bash others for being worried about adoption before. It's so sad, but it happens. I guess it was just my way of throwing up a little shield to protect myself in case it happened. I find myself doing that a lot. I guess at one time I would have thought that having to shield one's self was a sad thing. However, now I know that it's just a manner of growing up and learning to deal.
6 comments:
I don't think it is uncommon to worry about adoption. All your life, you just assume that you can have children and when you can't, you have to mourn that loss. There is nothing less wonderful about a child who is adopted, but you lose the ability to see your physical features (etc) in them. I think it is just something that you have to get used to. :)
You don't have to worry about defending yourself. Both adoption and pregnancy yourself are difficult decisions and there is no one right answer for everybody. What is right for you may not be right for others. I am glad that you have enough insight to determine where you stand and no matter what you decide the road will have speed bumps along the way. All the emotion wrapped up in whatever choices we make is what makes us who we are.
I am glad you are feeling better about your plans.
I haven't had a chance to completely catch up from the start to the most recent post on your blog, but I wanted to throw more encouragement in the ring. I'm all for building your family whatever way you see fit, despite what various people will always think about the topic. We ttc for 5 years and 11 months before th cycle that produced our twins. We had tons of testing done but didn't do IUI or IVF due to financial constraints. I had 4 early pregnancy losses and was told it was due to obesity. Then I lost 160 pounds and had 4 more losses, obviously not due to obesity. We pursued an open adoption only to have the Mother change her mind less than 3 weeks before the baby was due. The month after our eighth loss was the last month we were going to try, and that's when we conceived the girls thanks to Dr. Google and self-diagnosis. I guess my point is that I was so set in the idea that I kept trying whatever means I could afford to become a Mother, despite the fact that most everyone in our life thought we should admit defeat. It wasn't easy at all, but I'll forever be thankful that I never gave up. And you know what? Some people do eventually give up, and I think that's okay, too. You know what your family can handle, and it's everyone else's job to trust in you and support you. :-) Good luck!
I understand what you mean about throwing up the shield. I think different people throw up different shields out of fear that what they say may inaverdently offend someone. You want to let them know ahead of time in expressing yourself, you don't wan to hurt anyone. I think I battle with a shield of my own often.
As for adoption, it's not an easy decision for some to come to and others know that they always will adopt. Some have to go through a process before being in the right place of mind to proceed, and that's okay, too. It doesn't mean that they'll love their children any less than those for whom adoption was an easy decision to make.
Of course I don't speak from personal experience with this, but I've had two close friends go through adoptions; one jumped right in, and the other had to gradually acclimate herself to letting go of one dream to pursue another.
I think anyone who chooses to adopt because they are unable to conceive themselves has to go through a mourning period. Mourning for all the things you talked about.
It is sad - some people can be so judgemental, especially when they can do it in cyberspace. I often worry about offending some random person I will never meet. I know I shouldn't because they are my feelings. At the very least we shouldn't be afraid to be honest with ourselves.
I can understand everything you are saying. The shield is my best friend. I keep it next to me in bed as to not loose it for the morning rush of questions on our current affairs.
Thank you for standing up and saying something. You speak for many of us when you put those things out there for us to read as well as others.
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