Jen and Barb's Great Adventure - Dream Version

So the crazy dreams have of course continued. I won't even get into my stint in Germany, on the set of a p.orn movie, or as a race car driver. I'll just tell you the one that involved Jen.

I was sweaty from working outside all day. My clothes were beyond embarrassing. Suddenly, Jen lands a plane not 100 feet from where I am standing and shouts, "Come on! We're going to see the OSCARS!" She is beaming from ear to ear and waving tickets in my face. I look down at my filthy self and start to protest. She ignores me and grabs me by the arm to drag me toward the waiting plane. "But my clothes!" I shriek. "I bought you beautiful earrings! It'll be fine!" she retorts.

On the plane, I continue to fret about my state of disarray. I'm going to the Oscars after all! She hands me some enormous red baubles and grins proudly, saying, "Aren't they beautiful? It's all you'll need!" However, as I start to protest more and more and ask about where I could possibly buy a dress, she begins to get angry... telling me how hard she worked to do this for me and wasn't I being just a little ungrateful?

That shuts me up until we land (on a city street mind you) in Hollywood and approach the red carpet. People openly stare. As we're seated, she remarks how it isn't such a big deal because we're so high up in the balconies, no one will see us anyway. After a few minutes, I get too antsy though and decide to try to find a dress shop I can afford. She gives me a glare, but I tell her I'll be right back. What follows is a journey the likes of which I can't even describe. It's full of mazes and college campuses, streets of buildings with no stores and even a fraternity house. The one dress I find in the one store I find is behind glass, and I can't open the door.

When we finally join back up, the Oscars are over and Jen is fuming. I manage to placate her as we board the plane. On the plane she says, "I met this great guy!" Incredulous, I ask her what about Matt - her husband?? "Oh him," she sniffs. "I'm not actually married to him. He's a good guy and all, but if he's dumb enough to provide for me and take care of me while I look around, then that's fine. It's just convenience really." I point out the whole baby situation. "Oh.. well he was good for that," she concedes.

I can remember feeling horrified even in my sleep and thinking how duped I was! Jen seems so sweet and kind and honorable! How could she do these things?! Luckily I don't remain in sleep alterna-world too long, so I was able to shake it off. Nice huh?