Today marks one month of pregnancy - one month at what seems to me to be cheating the system. Because let's be honest here, with my medical issues, the amount of time we tried, and what others go through, it really seems like we're cheating the system, and oh is it going to be pissed when it figures this out. Let's hope it never does.
I've been having the infamous crazy dreams. Oh who am I kidding? It doesn't take pregnancy for me to dream up crazy shit. But Jen was featured in one of them. I wonder if she would mind me sharing?
We've been telling a few people here and there; people we need for support, or people we feel guilty not telling at this point. Every time I start this process or even when Hub does, my heart starts to pound and my mouth goes dry. I literally feel a fight or flight response. Why is this I wonder? Do I feel like we're waving a red flag to the system? "Hey, we're out here! We CHEATED! Come take it away!" Am I worried this is one more person we'll have to UNtell? Or is it just the enormity of the subject that makes my heart seize up? I am fairly introverted after all.
Maybe it's a combination of lots of complex factors. I'm just praying this doesn't end up knocking me on my ass. More non-pregnancy related posts soon, I promise.
Monday, May 11, 2009
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9 comments:
It is very hard to believe in. Hard to embrace. But you will get there, I promise.
The dreams get crazier . . .
Enjoy the dreams - that was very bizzarre experience for me in my last pregnancy ... this pregnancy i have had No dreams yet. I am saying lots of prayers for us.. Because even though I have one miracle - I feel that exact same way.. Like I am cheating the system ... Hang in there
I had similar feelings of guilt in gettng a baby that wasn't a result of an assisted cycle. I held my breath my entire pregnancy waiting for the other shoe to drop. Of course, my pregnancy wasn't very easier either, so I feel that was part of paying my "dues." When DH asked the RE about how many couples he sees who get pregnant without assistance, he said it's about a 1/3, so it's really not as rare as we like to think. That being said, you are doing a great job just taking each day for the blessing that it is.
It is hard and very understandable that you have that reaction. I am thankful that you get to experience but sorry at the same time, that it is hard to trust that it is real. 1 month, that is so exciting.
cheated?? dude. After all the work you did on fine tuning your body?? This moment is all you (& that hawt hubby of yours)
If anything, the system owes you! Congrats on one month - especially during such a busy, stressful time! Almost done with that class?
Ah hon, you didn't cheat. You are just finally getting your due.
Please just enjoy your pregnancy. I spent too much time feeling guilty and I really regret it.
Happy month! I felt like I was cheating too, and that as soon as I told anyone it would all get ripped away.
Sure, share away.
Thanks everyone! I don't really feel guilty at all... I just feel like someone's going to take it away because it seemed so improbable to begin with. :(
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