A short section from another perspective...

Hello everybody. This is actually the husband writing in. I don't even know if what I'm saying is true but I'll do my best to recount our journey together from my viewpoint.

When Barb and I first began trying to have a baby I was happy, excited, scared, but also a little bit ambivalent about the whole thing. I never really had that exact point when I thought "Hey, I'm ready to take on the responsibility of having a child to take care of and raise to become a happy and productive human being." I was pretty much brought along by my wife who wanted and needed a child. The important thing for me is for her to be happy and also for us to have a child before the magic number 30.

After some months of trying without any result, my wife and I got a bit worried. Hope came when Barb started seeing a specialist. The specialist seemed to know what the problem was and had ideas about how to fix it. I thought, "Great, we'll have a baby in no time". Or at least, I thought that my wife's general health would improve as a result of those treatments. I was optimistic.

When Barb started taking Clomid, what was a source of hope for me became a source of stress--mainly because of the way the drug not only affected my wife's mood but her general well-being. She went through a lot of physical problems and side-effects as a result of the many treatments she was put through. Those were really tough because I had thought that what we were doing was supposed to make my wife healthier but it ended up making her feel crampy, bloated,uncomfortable, and in pain. I really hated that she had to go through that. I really wished there was something I could have done to help her and make her feel better. Not only that but I wish there was something I could have done to make her doctors really find out why she's still having problems because it almost always seemed like they just didn't care. That's the frustrating thing.

Barb's gone through a couple of specialists now and through that process I'm come to realize that she might not be able to have a child after all.I know that intellectually but I fear dwelling on that idea for too long because I just can't face that idea emotionally. It's just really tough to handle. I still hold out the faint hope that we'll have our own child someday. I do know now that even though I may not think I'm ready for the responsibility of a child, I feel that I want to take on that responsibility and become the best parent I can be.

Thanks.