Thursday, May 15, 2008

Kind Blogger Award

From Farah. What a sweetie. Sorry it took me so long to post this.


There are just too many others for me to choose for this... especially since she already picked some of them. ;-) But I will pick Stephanie, Journey to Junior and Michelle since I don't think I've done anything like that for them yet.

In case you're wondering - I'm still reading. I'm on book 2 after reading the first one all in one day. Right now I'm going back to answer all your wonderful thoughts within the comments. I love doing that. Tootles!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Sidetracked

Soooo - I had intended to hash out the whole reproductive status angst today. However, I think I've made my engrossing addiction to the written word pretty clear, and that obsession has turned to something other than my blog right now. This makes it pretty impossible to write on such a serious, introspective topic.

My new obsession is the book, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Yes, yes, those of you in the know, scoff if you want. The main characters are teenagers. It's mainly a love story. It's fluff. blah blah blah. Despite all those things, I am absolutely intrigued, and I have not been completely intrigued and at ease with a book in a long time. I am completely enjoying it. I was in the middle of re-reading the Narnia books when a friend lent me her book, and I immediately forgot about The Silver Chair. I have most recently been reading non-fiction, and even when I turned to fiction, the last thing I finished was the His Dark Materials trilogy. If you haven't read them, they are not exactly the easy-reading, feel good books of the year. So I am happy to be so occupied.

The reading material I choose has to meet one (sometimes more) of the following criteria:
1. Does it make me happy? (if it doesn't, it has to meet #2)
2. Does it help me understand something or cause some revelations?
3. Do I like the characters or subject?
4. Are the words crafted in a skillful way? (of utmost importance)
5. Can I lose myself in it? (if not, again with the #2)

I really don't bother myself with whether it's something I should like, or if it's a classic or not. I either like it, or don't. It's simple. For example, I can appreciate that I probably learned a thing or two from reading Moby Dick. And I can even recognize the brilliance behind the writing. However, it falls so far from meeting criteria number 1, 3 and 5 that I refuse to ever read it again and read it as quickly as possible when it was required. The same thing goes for Shakespeare's tragedies. I do, however, enjoy his comedies. Then again, the Red Badge of Courage and the Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass so fulfilled numbers 2, 3 and 4, that it didn't matter that they didn't make me "feel good." All this is coming from a girl who read Jenna Jameson's book and was fascinated by it. So there you have it. I guess the point here is that you can never quite predict what I will like, and that I really don't have a lot of qualms about reading just about anything unless it doesn't meet one of my criteria in a really significant way.

I wrote all that just to say that I'm enraptured by Twilight,** and that might make it a little difficult for me to post on serious subjects until I can get that story out of my head.


**Then again, I also adore Jane Austen and some other romance type books.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Communication with the Hub

Cellphone Rings:

Hub: Hey. You know how I say I don't trust people?
Me: [puzzled] Yeeeaah
Hub: Well, I was thinking, and I always trust you. I always believe you.
Me: Um. OK. Thanks babe!
Hub: Well, it's because you never lie to me. Ya know?
Me: I know. Of course I never knowingly lie to you.
Hub: So I'll always believe you.
Me: So if I say I saw a ghost, you'll believe me? (providing I'm not crazy)
Hub: Yup.
Me: I'm holding you to that!

30 seconds later. Cellphone rings again.

Hub: Unless it's about me.
Me: What?
Hub: I always believe you unless it's something about me.
Me: Tell me something I don't know.

Note: My relationship with this man warms me to my toes. I love the trust we have. The following is the Hub's response to my email asking if I can post this conversation.
You can post whatever you want babes. It's fine by me.

Love you.

Hashing it Out: Part 2

OK, so I was thinking... "Man this is a lot of posts! People are going to be annoyed at how many in one day!" And then I realized, "Hey! This is your blog! Your whole intent was to mainly write it for YOU and if other people got something out of it, then great!" So here I go with my 3rd (and possibly not last) post for today...

It's time to tackle two more issues on my list.

#3. I can't really do anything about the economy. It's stressful yes, but all I can do is hold my head above water the best I can and try to focus on the blessings I have that don't include money. I have a house, a great husband and my community is starting to rally around local events and parks since people can't afford to travel elsewhere. That means there is more emphasis in making this a good place to live. And that's a wonderful thing.

As for how I can earn more money - news of my possible promotion is still pending, and it may not even happen. What's more, overtime has seemed to dry up. It's been offered less and less. I have to be honest and say that I'm somewhat grateful because I hate overtime. But at the same time, it's a stresser because I do need it. Therefore, I have to think of other things to make more money. I've been trying to sell stuff on Ebay, but noticed that people aren't buying nearly as much. I'm assuming they don't have money either. I've also thought about putting the ad box on this site. It would be used toward adoption or more treatments (more on that on the next "Hashing" post). I shrink from that though because it just seems so... I don't know... sellout. I also know that so many do it for charity, but mine would be charity for me. It feels a bit selfish. We'll see.

Hub also thinks he'd like to see me start writing for real again. I've been published in a few little non-paying things, and have won a few contests. I used to dream about becoming a writer, but nothing big ever came of it. Part of it is my lack of confidence in that area. But maybe I will. Maybe I'll start submitting to magazines again. Maybe I'll even start to write those books I've been dreaming about. I'm not so great at fiction, but I've always wanted to write a book about my Grandma's incredible life, or about infertility. Does anyone who does write for a living have any words of advice on this?

#4. My JOB. This is a big one. Things seem to be getting worse rather than better. So what I've done is started to make some contacts and inquiries that may result in leads for other jobs or better opportunities. I'm going to make a list of all my options along with their pros and cons. Then I will start to research the most promising ones more heavily. It feels good to be looking ahead again for the first time in about 4 years. This is the longest I've ever held the same position. I can't stand stagnation. If I were still learning lots of new things or felt that I could better myself in this position, I wouldn't mind, as I love my team and what I do. However, I feel stifled and blocked at every turn. I also despair of ever keeping up with cost of living with my paltry raises. Wish me luck!

Just a snippet: I have yellow fly bites all over my legs, and it's driving me CRAZY! Does anyone know of a product that helps reduce the swelling, pain and itching of these damn things? aaaargh. Floridians... come on. Help a girl out. I know you've experienced this.

The Thoughts Behind my Concerns

Note that I am pleased at President Bush's new concern (finally) over gas prices and the U.S. economy. Please also note that I do not blame Bush or his administration directly for our problems. Many of these economic trends began a long time ago as globalization began. What I am unhappy about is how many of these problems were handled, the alienation of many important allies, the "for us or against us" mentality, the "black and white, good and evil" way of thinking, the breaking down of important barriers between religion and politics (the very barriers our forefathers set up to protect religious freedom and unmuddy political waters), the minimizing of environmental and social problems, the complete refusal to admit to any mistakes (because God has, after all, appointed this administration), and the very un-traditional Republican way of making very quick, very huge decisions without a lot of backing or information.

My Grandfather, WWII veteran, long-time Colonel in the Air Force, fierce public servant and defender of the U.S. and staunch believer in support of our government and military, was very worried about our entrance into Iraq for a war of aggression with a country we knew very little about. Near the end of his life, he was also very concerned
that we would try to make war with Iran. He, like I, thought that would be a very foolish move while still embroiled in Iraq and Afghanistan. Furthermore, it's even more foolish considering that we have no concrete reason to invade and still do not understand that region of the world.

Please know that I felt all these things before I knew how my Grandfather felt. After discovering where he stood, I am even more proud to be his Granddaughter.

Now I'm done with the PSA's and will return to the IF world. Thank you.

Reality Check

I feel I have to acknowledge some of the horrific natural disasters that have occurred all in a row the last few weeks. I only wish I had more money to donate to the cause of helping these people. But then again, many of us really are helpless as it's so difficult to get aid to them in the first place.

There are the string of tornadoes that have been hitting the midwest this spring. Thank God most people got out ok, but the economic and emotional effects on these peoples' lives are just beginning to be felt.

Next was the horrible cyclone in Myanmar, and the confusion that has made it difficult for aid to get to them.

Finally, there is the massive 7.8 earthquake in China that has devastated the country.

I will be searching for ways to perhaps donate supplies, clothing etc in any way I can. In the meantime, let's all keep them in our thoughts and prayers. I'm also quite scared that our hurricane season is going to be very active considering our very warm weather this winter. Warm ocean waters make for very happy hurricanes. Climate change is certainly nothing to pshaw about.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day for those who feel comfortable with it. For me, I still think of it mostly as a way to celebrate my Mom. But I won't pretend that I don't feel a little pang at every commercial that lauds all the wonderful attributes of women who are mothers. "But I'm trying to be a mother!" I want to yell at the announcer. "I could be all those things too! I really could!"

I called my Mom this morning, and she seemed so incredibly delighted. It's not often that I'd use the word "bubbly" to describe my Mom, but there's no other word for her mood today. It's nice and flattering to think it was my phone call or card that had her so happy. I know the most likely truth though. My 3 year old nephew was the first person to call her this morning. She said the phone call went something like this:

Mom: "Hello?"
Nephew: "Gramma come down to my house*?"
Mom: "Hi honey! Sure I'll come down!"
Nephew: "My bought you**... "
[insert my sister's muffled voice, "No! Shhhh! Don't tell her!"]
Nephew: "Gramma come down!" CLICK

I have not yet called to find out how the day went. In the blog world, I was flattered that Alyson from Alyzabeth Ann left me such a sweet comment in the previous post. When I followed the link to her blog to catch up, I saw this post about another blogger's thoughts on acknowledging the losses of adoption as well as the gains. It was a wonderful post and spoke to my strong preferences for accepting the stark truths in life so that I can better cope. If you have read secret thoughts of an adoptive mother, then you know what I mean. And you'll know I have no patience for people who prefer that you try to paint infertility in rosy shades of opportunity or who become angry with someone who tries to fully understand and impart the full gamut of emotions involved in adoption.

Just a few things to think about this Mother's Day. Peace.


*My nephew does not yet understand how the phone works, and usually begins talking as it's ringing on his end. As a result, you have very little time to process that he's asked you a question when you pick up the phone, because by the time you're on the other end, he's past the introduction stage.

**He also currently inserts the word "My" where he should be using the word "I." It makes for some very cute and amusing conversations.