I always wanted children. My friends and I used to dream up how many we'd have and what their names would be, and I'd declare I'd be the best Mommy ever. As the oldest cousin on both sides (and the older sister), I mommied everything and everybody. I'm sure part of my love of animals comes from that deep urge to nurture. It's almost physical for me. However, as much as I liked babies, it was still hard to deal with a lot of crying when I was babysitting. And in reality, I was a little afraid to be "put out" by having to take care of a child.
Then I turned 24. I remember that year as the year my hormones took over. It must have been gradual, but the realization whooshed in with one sweep. I was at work and heard a newborn cry. You know the one. I had this sudden and debilitating need to find the source of that cry and nurture it away. It was an emotional and physical pull. I had always found that sound plaintive, but never before had I needed to restrain the physical urge to search out and reach for a baby. And it's only gotten worse from there.
For example, have you ever had your uterus twinge with want? I swear I have. It's like that flutter you get in your belly when you're flirting except it's in my uterus. All this reflection was sparked by the fact that I was around possibly the cutest baby animal I've ever experienced in my life today. He was so sweet I wanted to smoosh him. In fact, he was so interactive, trusting and cute and so darn BABY that my uterus nearly exploded.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
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8 comments:
I know what you're talking about. The biological drive to have offspring. Not to engage in the act of reproduction (i.e., sex) but to actually have a child. For me it kicked in at 26 about 2 or 3 months after we got married. I always joke with my husband that we got married and BAM a switch just flipped and I wanted to have kids. Crazy, eh?
I was about 23 when it kicked in. I was with my now DH for 4 years and we had a pregnancy "scare", which is so laughable now but after I found out I was not pregnant I could do nothing but think about and yearn for it.
It's the weirdest thing. I can not rationally explain it. Before having my own, I wanted everyone to experience Motherhood that wanted to. But Now that I have my Own, I physically Ache for those that are still waiting to experience motherhood. I want you (and all waiting)to experience Motherhood so much more now. I assume it has to do with the feelings of the actual Title. Mother. I fantasized itbefore, But now I Know and I want others to know that feeling more. I guess
The ancient Greeks use to believe women were ruled by their uterus not heart. I think they were on to something.
I completely understand what you are describing.
Me - YES.. very agreed. Though sometimes during sex, the thought that it could result in a child has heightened it for me. Not so much anymore since I don't believe it will happen. :) And it is crazy. Anyone who thinks they are in complete control and their hormones are not a major factor are completely kidding themselves.
Michelle - We've had that scare. Complete joke on us huh?
Farah - That's because you're the sweetest. It always amazes me when you write that you think you aren't. And internets.. all those times she's called herself "big" in her blog.. well, *I* didn't see it! She looked petite and girly when I met her! :)
WFI - If we had only kept on following the Greeks' smarts... we might have a colony on the moon by now. :)
Thanks Kristin. Good to know I'm not just a nutjob. :)
I swear that kicked in at like 12 for me. Then after a couple years if IF it went away. Or I tamped it down, which is more likely.
Oh absolutely. That physical ache is unmistakable.
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