I just got a call saying that my Grandfather is back in the hospital. It's only a matter of time I think at this point. The aunts and uncles like to keep it optimistic looking, but they're just still trying to protect us "kids." You know what's the worst? I'm the oldest grandchild, and all he wanted was to see me have his first great grandchild just as his father was able to do. And if the hub and I had had it our way, Grandfather would have already been able to hold his great grandchild and to see it take its first steps. It just F-ing SUCKS.
I know it's not my fault, and I know he would never want me to feel this way, but I just feel so sad that I didn't get to share that joy with him. We were always very close and seeing his love for my child would have been a beautiful blessing to carry with me always.
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About Me
- Barb
- Lots of trying, angst, sadness, pain and procedures mixed with the happiest marriage and most fulfilling life I could hope to have. Now, after 4 years of hoping and praying, our little man is here - delivered Jan. 4th, 2010. Disbelief, craziness and joy. This blog serves as my outlet and record of my daily life - whether it be infertility related or not.
Infertility Awareness and Explanations
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6 comments:
I'm sorry your Grandfather is not doing well. He is in my thoughts, as you are and all your family as well.
Sorry to read that your Grandfather is not well. I know it SUCKS, but try not to beat yourself up over the IF.
Blah, the entire situation is depressing. I wish I lived closer to you guys so I could come over and help / hang out / etc.
I'm so sorry about your Grandfather. I had similar thoughts when mine passed away a year ago. Everyone in my family told me how much his father loved holding me when I was born. I felt awful that I couldn't give that same joy to my dear, sweet Grandfather. I know that someday he'll be sending our child his love from afar. Try not to beat yourself up - this isn't your fault. It just sucks.
i'm so sorry, barb. yet again our lives are in tandem. my grandma is not doing well, either. i'm really sorry - and i agree try not to be too hard on yourself. your grandfather will always be with you no matter what. xoxox
I am so sorry to read this.
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