Not So Progressive

I have been congratulating myself on my new found openness about my pregnancy. I answer questions easily and fluently. I let people (the ones I know and trust) touch my belly when they ask. I even offer it up to them. And what's more, I actually open up to people and offer updates about my little boy. I learned the other night though that I shouldn't have been so self-congratulatory. It must have just been that I have been surrounded lately by people with whom I've grown comfortable and trusting. Hub and I attended his annual work Christmas party recently, and it did not go that way at all. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed myself very much. But I was very uncomfortable and sometimes even prickly when people came to chat lightly about the baby. I still don't know exactly why this happens, but it seems to be similar reasons to what it was before. There were a very few people who offered up help or genuine reactions with whom I didn't mind chatting about it as much. Then most of the others talked to me about him as if we were discussing the weather. And sometimes I felt this maternal urge that closely approximated the "MINE!" toddler response. What the heck? I'm sure part of it is also my continuing discomfort at being in the center of anyone's attention unless I know them very very well. In THAT case, turn on the spotlight! Yup. That's me - bundle of contradictions and exceptions.

Parking Garage Moral Dilemma

So I've been a smidgen distracted, and there are lots of blog posts swirling in my noggin. They've all been composed in there, but I bet only a fraction get written down!

First of all, I promised the story of the parking garage attendant. Remember last time? How he skimmed something like $2.50 from the hospital and thought I wouldn't realize? This time, as I pulled in he said, "Are you here for the breastfeeding class?" Thinking it was hardly any of his business, but lacking a spine I said, "Yup." He said, "Well here is a comp ticket for you to park for free next time. They're supposed to give you at least one when you sign up for classes at the front desk, but they often don't. Just don't tell them that I'm the one who gave it to you. It's a Christmas present." Thinking now that he was being very festive I said, "Thanks a lot! We've been here often, and it's getting expensive!" Then I handed over my $4.00, and he handed me my ticket stub/receipt. It said, yet again, "Comp parking $0.00." Yup. This time he got $4.00 out of the deal. Either he thinks I'm too dumb to realize what he's doing, or he figures that by bribing me with lower parking fees and comp passes that I'll keep silent, or both. I'm a bit insulted about the intelligence bit. Hub is HIGHLY annoyed and thinks I should march right up and tell someone about him. I'm a big softy and worry this is the only way he's feeding his family or something. What do you all think?

Dubious Offerings

Today the creepy neighbor next door told me he was available if I needed an emergency ride to the hospital. I told him, "Thanks, but I think Hub would prefer to do that."

I also got a summons for jury duty the second week in January. I'm all into citizenship, but great timing eh? I will also decline this offer by checking the "expectant mother" box.

Letters to Babybutt

Dear Baby,

This weekend I learned a lot about how amazing the system is that will hopefully feed you when you're here. I also had a whole day class about how to welcome you to the world. There were many points in the class where I had to choke back emotional tears. Daddy felt the same way. (He'll try to tell you later it was dust in his eye, but don't believe him. He's just tough for you.)

Then... oh then, something that I had thought was probably nothing continued, and I got a little worried. I called my nurse, and she said I should probably go to the hospital just in case. I became very worried that you were going to come home with us a lot sooner than we thought! You would have been fine, but as I felt for your little feet and legs poking out of my side, I realized that I wasn't quite ready. I want these last few weeks with you snuggled up in there. I want to feel your heel press against my hand one more time at least. I want to watch you swish your little butt from side to side while you try to get comfy. And I even want to feel you get annoyed and push hard when I lie on the side you dislike in bed. We are both just SO excited to meet you. But we also waited a long time to have this, and we want to make sure to enjoy every single minute. I love the babybutt in my tummy as much as I will love the one out. At the same time, we're ready and can't wait to kiss your belly (Mama) and little feets (Daddy).

XO
M

P.S. It was all a false alarm little man. No worries. You and I passed all our tests with flying colors per the usual thank goodness, but we were both EXHAUSTED after all that.

Nursery

Oh my gosh to the craziness of this weekend! I had blood work, a doctor's appointment (all is fabulous), a breast feeding class (in which I met the garage money skimmer again - back to his old tricks - more later), a Christmas party tonight and an all day lamaze class tomorrow! It's all good. I just wish I had a personal assistant to take care of all the icky stuff in between.

Right now though, I have nursery photos to show you. There are a bunch of little touches to add at some point, and the futon won't stay forever, but this is what we have at the moment.

Our changing table and the dreaded shelf. Don't even ask me about it. I can't bear to speak of it. It's done now, that's all that matters. The plate on the shelf is from my sister and bears messages for the babybutt from lots of family members. Note the ADORABLE little LED nightlights. I can't get enough of them. The ghost is from Ikea, the bluebird a present from Target. They're squishy and cute.
The alligator has a baby in her mouth and is also from Ikea. The prints are from a Charley Harper calendar. We also used the one with all the little songbirds eating seeds. I just didn't get a photo of it.
Note the sweet little animal throw rug from Ikea. Babybutt's name will be in plush letters above his crib when he gets one. :)
And this is our crib. We love it. It was easy to assemble, is attractive and very sturdy. I realize that Pooh has a pink blanket. I just don't care. They didn't have any non-pink, and it's Babybutt's first present from Mommy.

Blogger Award

Chelle took the time to make this beautiful award, and then a lovely lady at Cherish This Baby took the time to write some kind words about me through it! She hadn't even said boo to me before that, so it was a really fun, really touching surprise. I have to say though that even though she gives me a lot of credit, and I did work hard to find a healthy path for my particular body (which I believe opened the door to pregnancy), much of why we are here is luck. I do know that and give thanks every single day.

As for the award, there are a few rules of course, so without further ado:

Tell your readers how your journey into blogging began. Be as verbose or shy as you like.
Pick 3-5 fellow bloggers whom you adore and write what exactly it is you value about that person or their blog. The more you write about them the better. This is a chance to really appreciate your blog friends who have been there with and for you through thick and thin.
Let the winners know they have been awarded.

I haven't done this in a while because it's a difficult thing for me. But I'm going to pick people I haven't chosen before and whom you may not be reading. These people do inspire me. Oh, as for how I began blogging? I've written lots about that throughout my years of trying, so I won't bore you with the long details. The down and dirty of it is that I am a writer at heart. I journal. I scribble on pieces of paper and stow them in my nightstand. I compose stories in my head during boring times. I resisted blogging because I kept thinking that it would happen for me soon anyway (yes naivete), and I am not big on putting myself out there to the internet. So that's why I'm as anonymous as I am and why I haven't been blogging as long as I've been trying. However, blogging has been great therapy for me. I tried a real therapist, and the benefits did not even come close. One of the greatest things has been the people from whom I learned and took comfort.

In no particular order:

Down (But Not Out) - Yes I'm a little biased since she's an old friend, but she writes very well and is such an inspiration not only in attitude but in follow through. She doesn't get to update much because of the challenges of chasing after the little stinker that has graced all of our lives, but what she writes is so open and loving and full of a beautiful grace and calm. I often wish I could achieve that. She's like that in person too by the way. ;-)

What I Really Meant to Say - Her viewpoints on religion, family and day to day life are always so open and fascinating to me. She's very real about the issues she faces and in being so, helps others learn about themselves.

Stuff to Say - Like the above, mo*reezy has a great, open outlook on faith, love and family. She also often posts things that make me go "hmmm" in a good way. I love when people work my brain without using vitriol or spite. Good job chickie.

Crying Over the Fish Sticks - Beautiful thoughts on dealing with IVF failure, the depression that comes after and the struggle to make a wonderful life. I find her very honest and kind despite her own issues.

Quest for a Lifetime - Just like with when I read One Good Egg, my heart just about explodes with happiness to see how her story ended (or began in a way!) with such a beautiful adoption. As a woman who has always had adoption in her heart as well as the desire to have a biological child, I really gravitate toward this kind of story for inspiration. She's also just a really good chick.

So did I give you ideas for blogs you haven't yet read? I hope so. Best wishes to all. The rest of you all know I like ya too. ;-)

NINE months!

Oh my God. What a mind blow! I woke up this morning very excited that we were at 36 weeks or 9 months. In fact, I woke at 4:30am and was so excited I couldn't sleep. My book assures me that were he to be born this week, he would be considered full term. Goooooo Babybutt! He's also very very excited today. He's been busting a move all day. Perhaps he knows too eh? It cracks me up to do these kick count sheets the doctor gave me because they're supposed to kick at least 10 times in a 3 hour period. It doesn't matter what time I choose to start monitoring, the longest the kid has ever taken to reach 10 movements is 40 minutes. It's usually somewhere between 15 and 30 minutes. Believe me, I notice immediately when he's quieter than usual. I've also gotten my first faint stretch marks under my belly. I noticed them after viewing a belly photo Hub took. He apparently noticed them long ago, but didn't mention them. He's learning. :) My other boy has dropped quite a bit too, and I can now breathe easier. I love you both boys.