Unwise Choices

I had tiramisu yesterday. You'd think that would be a happy thing right? I'm lactose intolerant AND on Metformin. Yup yup - it was a really bad decision with a very unhappy outcome. But it's my favorite dessert, and it was so goooooooood!

Anxious

Hey. Just thought you should know that I hate my follicular phase. In my luteal phase, I have more confidence, a brighter complexion, and things are just better all around. But during my follicular, or non-follicular phase as the case may be, my skin breaks out more, my tummy is less enthused about Metformin, I don't sleep as well and am more fatigued, and lovely of lovelies, I'm more anxious. Anxious is always great during times of great change isn't it?

I just changed teams, so that's hard. I miss some of my coworkers and what I did there almost as if I've left my home. But it's getting more ok by the day. It would just be easier if I was in my confident, progesterone laden time. On top of that, what we knew was coming finally did. My company finally got to our department as far as lay-offs are concerned. Some pretty great people won't be coming back to work for us any time soon. Some of the lay-offs at least made some logistical sense - others - not so much. Some people I know will be fine. Others - I'm just hoping they had a back-up plan. We don't know because it was so sudden. No goodbyes.

I'm worried about Hub's job too. His boss seems confident that their company will be fine. I'm not so sure they won't feel delayed effects in the next few months. If something happens to his job, we're toast.

Ack. I love being a nervous nellie. The best part of it is that since this is FCiF we're talkin' about, I have probably another few weeks to look forward to this stuff. Aren't everyone's follicular phases a month long? No? Hmm. Must just be me.

Happy Sigh

I have a new (used) pretty blue Civic if I want it when it's transferred to my dealership, AND tonight there is a big party for ME!

Don't ya'll just wanna BE me? (minus the whole no babies thing of course)

XO

Busy Life, Neglected Blog

So have you ever gotten so interested in your life that you lose some of your interest in blogging? That's where I am right now. Lots of great things are happening for Hub, and I couldn't be happier. I still can't find my durn cable, and I start my new position next week!

We're situated right now to start to save money for another medicated cycle or two and for a stab at adoption. I don't know if we're going to go through the state. There's so much to consider, but time is ticking. Both of us feel it now.

And speaking of the Hub - funny story. I was in the kitchen the other day and heard the tail end of a commercial with a woman explaining her infertility and how some organization or other helped her and gave her hope. Of course it was a story with a happy baby ending. And there were somehow new shoes involved?? Anyway, I then hear Hub snort loudly and sneer, "Yeah, HOPE, that's all you need! Why didn't I think about that? HOPE and POOF - you get a baby! And maybe some new shoes will do it too! New shoes and POOF - a baby! Whatever." He kept grumbling about it for a minute or two after. It was funny because he was so cutely disgruntled and also because he's finally at the point where he's disgusted like I was. But you know what? I'm not so disgusted anymore. I've moved past it to some degree. Fun how we go through these stages separately.

But it's ok. We're still in it together.

Tired and Loopy but Still Full of Happy

- We saw the launch! It was awesome! Yes we just got back around 1am. The traffic was NOT awesome. I will post photos and video when I find that !$#^%^ cable. (can you sense my anxiety?) Until then, let this tide you over. This was shot in the same park where we watched the launch, so it's exactly what we saw. The only difference is that we could see more detail in person than would show up on the camera. The cameras seemed to just catch all the light, whereas we could see the shape of the fire tail, the boosters etc. TOO cool. We could also hear a crackly rumble - almost how the wind sounds against a microphone.

- Salad is no longer off the menu! I have been chowing like a rabbit ever since I discovered this gem. Oooooooooh a whole world has reopened to my waiting gullet.

- AF has moved in, but I only had one day of the kick-me-in-the-shins-so-it-hurts-less cramps, and very little of the hormone crazies! I was just a little morose for a day or so, and then it was over! Gosh. All this is starting to make me believe in a balanced universe after all.

A Bit

I forgot to share that I saw what I'm 95% sure is this little fella in Cali's backyard when we visited. It's the first time I've ever seen one. Woo hoo! Hub and I are going to try to get close to the launch tonight. I'm super excited! Wish us luck!

"Honest Scrap" Huh?

Quick update first: I took the job on the other team. I'm happy to be in a better situation, but sad to leave some truly wonderful teammates and a truly wonderful job description. And I'm dying to post some photos but can't find my camera connector cord thingy!! ARGH!

OK - lovely Seussgirl at One Day Two Day sent me an award! It was very kind of her, and I'm quite honored. I am now actually attempting to get back to what you're supposed to DO with that award! (I'm notoriously awful at getting around to doing these things. I like to fly by the seat of my pants, and these structured posts aren't so much that, so it's hard to get goin'. ;)

First I'm supposed to talk about 7 blogs I find brilliant in design. Can I change that a bit? I find lots of blogs brilliant, so instead, since this is "honest scrap" (look at me.. can't for the life of me tow the line) I'm going to post about blogs I admire for their sheer honesty. It's always something that really grabs me - raw, open, eloquent truths. Funny that I'm so cautious with so much of what I say here, but admire such openness. I try to be very honest with my feelings though, and that's what I value most. So without anymore blabbering...

Fertilized - I have to agree almost word for word with One Day Two Day on this one. She lays it out there like it is and maintains a lovely integrity all the while. You go girl!

Who Shot My Stork? - I love Io's "love me as I am" writing style. She's also savvy, fresh and witty as she lets us in on what's really going on in her world.

An Older Version - She has been dealing with some tough stuff lately, and her struggles are illustrated deeply and beautifully in her blog. When she tells a story or shares her feelings, I always feel my thoughts swirling into the story with her, or start nodding as I identify.

Here We Go Again - OK. It may seem like Jen hides things because she just seems so predominantly happy. I am here to tell you that this is not a trick. Jen really is happy... and kind, and fun and silly. And she really doesn't swear! Sometimes I embarrass myself with my potty mouth. Anyway, her blog reflects who she is beautifully, and she really does share herself with us.

Creating Motherhood - Who doesn't love Cali? I mean - really. I am always in awe of her writing ability even in times of great stress. I'm grateful to her for sharing the story of GM with us. It's heartbreaking and real and so necessary that people understand. Bravo.

One Day Two Day - No, not just because she tagged me. I'm grateful to her as well for sharing her true motherhood experiences - glitzy or not.

Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies - Natalie has been through some amazingly heartbreaking times, yet has managed to share it all with such a beautiful ability and grace that I am in awe. I think she has probably made a tremendous difference in so many lives by merely sharing.

So - just so you know, one of the other reasons I always put off doing these things is that I have such a hard time with listing awesome blogs and leaving other awesome blogs out. There are still tons rattling around in my head right now, but at this moment in time, these are the first 7 that come to mind with my favorite deeply open posts.

And now I am to name 10 honest (so I can't lie??? Bummer) things about myself. If I name something I did in another meme, please forgive me and consider yourself doubly informed!

1. I cannot truly straighten my first fingers. If I try, the tips point inwards a bit just like my Mom's.

2. Sometimes I literally want to fling my arms around a tree and hug it. Could this be how that term was coined?

3. In addition to the tree thing - sometimes I see something like the golden ripple of a wheat field, and I wish I could run my hand across all of it to feel its tickly softness just like you would a plush rug. Alas, I would have to be a giant to do that. And since these are "honest" things, I can't make up a story here.

4. OK, really honestly? I feel in nature what I think you're supposed to feel inside a church. I have always felt much more reverence outside than in 4 walls.

5. OK - enough with the serious. Often, when Hub crawls in bed after I've been asleep, I give a half laugh. I think he was insulted until I explained that I'm only conscious enough to express happiness in small, easy packages. Laughing works.

6. There's nothing that makes me happier than someone playing with my hair.

7. Burnt Sienna is my favorite color to say.

8. My favorite animal is a horse.

9. I can't stand getting water in my eyes or splashed on my face.

10. I'm so susceptible to cold and appreciate warmth so much now that sometimes I go out and lie in the driveway to soak up the sun and feel warm for a minute. (let the neighbors look. ;-)