If you remember, I hashed out my thoughts (which Hub shares) on us having no more children. And each and every thing I said still rings true. But do you know what the heaviest truth is?
Right now I am blissfully happy with E. I try to stay aware and helpful for those who do not have my happiness, but I am effing terrified of the what ifs. Rightly or wrongly, I feel like we cheated the system. I feel triumphant and victorious. I still have loads of fears for E as he grows, but they aren't as irrationally strong as the ones surrounding pregnancy and infancy. And you know what? I almost feel blissfully naive again. Or at least I can pretend I am. And I am not in the least prepared to give that up.
Right now I am blissfully happy with E. I try to stay aware and helpful for those who do not have my happiness, but I am effing terrified of the what ifs. Rightly or wrongly, I feel like we cheated the system. I feel triumphant and victorious. I still have loads of fears for E as he grows, but they aren't as irrationally strong as the ones surrounding pregnancy and infancy. And you know what? I almost feel blissfully naive again. Or at least I can pretend I am. And I am not in the least prepared to give that up.
4 comments:
I am pregnant, and I wanted to get pregnant, but.... I am a lot scared because I feel like I did cheat the system to get Kate and I really worry that there's no way we can cheat the system twice. Like I'm really pushing my luck too far.
I hear you completely. It was such a struggle to get our first, with no results that we had given up. Emotionally, and physically it is so draining. When we finally were surprised with her, we were content.
Oh, I so get this.
I know you guys! And I have a lot of faith and hope that you'll be ok. But it's a hard thing to forget.
Post a Comment