Today and last night have been miserable. E has been restless and cranky since last night's bedtime. Neither of us has gotten much sleep. He's constantly hungry. I gave him formula out of sheer exhaustion and nipple pain this morning, and he was a happy baby for about 40 minutes. I don't know if he is in a constant growth spurt (thought we were coming out of it) or if I've never caught up from nursing delays at the hospital or from the time I spent in the ER when he got formula all night. And you know what? I'm too frustrated to care anymore. I'm tired of reading how evil formula is. I'm tired of feeling guilty. I don't have a month or so to get adjusted. I go back to work in 2 weeks and don't even have enough pumped milk frozen for a whole day. I am alone every day and don't have people usually to do my laundry or help me eat. I'm done. My baby is miserable and crying most of the day. I'm exhausted and grumpy. We're going to supplement with formula sometimes to see him relaxed and to give me time to pump more for daycare.
I'm sorry. There are some wonderful things about breastfeeding, and I'm glad to help my baby be healthy, but there are lots of sides to every situation, and I'd like to read less of people invalidating and railroading those who are struggling. I wish I had heard more about the difficulties in class or from other sources so I wouldn't feel so disillusioned. That's why I want to be very honest here. I'm tired of hearing wildly differing advice from my Doctors, books and consultants. From here on out, I do what feels right for us and E. That will probably be a combo of formula, pumping and bfing. And I don't think my baby will suffer horribly from it. In fact, when we have done this, I've seen more smiles from E, watched him explore the world more, and we've both been less stressed. I have no idea why stress is never mentioned as a factor in the no formula argument. It's not cyanide. Why do we have to swing so wildly to each end? Tired.
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About Me
- Barb
- Lots of trying, angst, sadness, pain and procedures mixed with the happiest marriage and most fulfilling life I could hope to have. Now, after 4 years of hoping and praying, our little man is here - delivered Jan. 4th, 2010. Disbelief, craziness and joy. This blog serves as my outlet and record of my daily life - whether it be infertility related or not.
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12 comments:
Barb, don't beat yourself up. You have to do what is best for you and for E. You are giving your son so much with any breast milk he gets from you and if you must suppliment then do so. He will grow up healthy and he needs his Mama not to be stressed out. Bug Hugs!
I agree, do what is best for the two of you and only worry about that. I was so upset that I couldn't get A to breastfeed in the hospital and I tried and tried. She just plan hated it. So I pumped for 3 weeks and just couldn't keep up. It broke my heart when my milk dried up and I had to give her formula. But you know what? She's healthy and happy on formula and that's all that matters!
You are doing just fine. Formula is not going to make a single bit of difference.
Now, do you want to come down here next week or have me come up there?
you ladies are lovely
i agree with the above commenter, formula will not make one bit of difference. my oldest stepdaughter was formula fed and she is the smartest, healthiest kid i know. immune system of steel.
i honestly think that breastfeeding does more for the mom than the baby... at least it does for me. rhett got formula except at night when i went back to work (~6 months.) there was no earthly way i could have pumped enough or would have wanted to. jasper has been breastfed for way longer and you know what? they are exactly the same in terms of health. EXACTLY.
please don't feel guilty. you're doing an amazing job. and i am REALLY HAPPY that your husband got you that beautiful necklace. you deserve it!
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with formula. You do what is necessary to have a healthy baby AND mommy (and that includes mental health).
You need to do whatever it takes for you and E to be happy. Formula is not evil. Lots of healthy babies have grown up on it. I agree that it's unfortunate there's so much judgment surrounding decisions about how you feed your baby. Have you read Claudia's blog, My Fascinating Life, lately? She had a great post about this on January 19 (I can't figure out how to link it now).
You tell em!!! I think your decision to do what feels right is the best and such a fantastic choice. Everyone has an opinion and they all think they are right but let them think whatever they want. I have a 7 year old that is proof that you can still have a healthy baby who was raised on formula. I developed toxemia 2 weeks before I delivered and had many personal complications after delivering my daughter. She was early but perfectly healthy. I did not have a choice, because of my condition and the meds I was on I was not able to bf her and guess what....she turned out just fine! I can count on one hand how many times she has been sick in her 7 years. E will be JUST FINE and Mommy & E will be happier which is a great thing!
MAN you sound like me when I was struggling nursing Henry. And then I sounded like that again when I was bringing Maria to work with me in the beginning and I was still trying to nurse. I HEAR YOU, SISTER. It's true, under the guise of encouragement, books/websites/consultants don't tell us the difficult parts of this commitment.
Honey, do what you need to do. Sane mama = happy baby. Keep your chin up, my friend. I wish I lived next door and could come do your laundry.
I think that, in large part, people hear what they want to hear. It seems like my more "crunchy" friends are less likely to be aware of the probability of a very valid need for a c-sec or that breast may just not "work". I think the're less aware because they don't want to believe that those realities are a possiblity for them.
I've heard EXTREMELY mixed reviews on the probability, possibility and feasibility of breastfeeding for the last 10-ish years. Some women love it, some hate it. Some want to do it but can't. The message I've always gotten is that it is a mixed bag and not for everyone.
Pretty much all the people who know I'm pregnant have asked me how I want to deliver and if I will breastfeed. My answer is always that I would like to deliver vaginally and breastfeed but we'll just have to see if that works out or not. I can have ideas all day long but at the end of the day, que sera sera.
Sweetie, do whatever you need to do. A less groggy and happy mommy is important too. Jillian was FF, and perfectly happy and healthy. In fact she is rarely even sick. I get tired of the extremism out there, and I think each person just needs to make the decisions that work best for them and their family.
I am a horrible, remiss commenter, but CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
On the BFing front, I stuck with it (with formula supplements here and there) for about a little over a month before I gave it up altogether. I was in excruciating pain every time he latched, and after a few days of constant tears, my partner admitted that she didn't care how we fed him. Since I was sticking with it because I thought she wanted to, I tapered off then. It was the best decision I ever made... I know the benefits, but also lived through the drawbacks.
You know this, I'm sure, but it's all about what's best for the two of you. Period. :)
I'm sorry you got such negative responses from others. Sometimes people don't think before they speak.
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