OK. I know I'm risking a verbal lashing by even pointing out my political leanings, but I can't stand it. I have to share this. And know that this is my blog. You are very welcome to share your thoughts but only if you come here with the intent to share and not to browbeat me into submission with your rhetoric. ;-)
So here is a little piece I saw on Yahoo today: Bush: US is not headed into recession - Yahoo! News
Take the time to read it. Guffaw if you will. I guess when you don't have to pump your own gas (AND you and your cronies have your hand in oil), the prices at the pump really don't mean all that much. Oh, and that eensy little housing slump?* What? You say your house is worth $40,000 less than when you bought it? And that happened in less than a year's time? Pshaw. That's nothing. The economy is fabulous. You'll recover from the 4% increase** in cost of living and stagnant wages in no time. Oh.. and our dollar? You say Brits come up to you regularly to laud its poor value for their vacations? Whatever. We'll bounce back in no time. Those Chinese have nothing on us. WE'RE AMERICANS.*
One more note. I was agonizing recently over which candidate I liked and why. Then I realized; it's flippin' awesome if your problem is that you actually like things about all the likely presidential
candidates!! That hasn't been my problem in a long time. Huzzah!
*Note: Heavy sarcasm in use. Shield if necessary.
**Please don't quote me. I've been half listening to the radio again. All I really know is that cost of living is HIGH, and people aren't making ends meet with stagnant wages.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I'm scattered.
First of all, let me warn any of you attempting to send me email that I recently found out that Yahoo selectively eats certain emails even from known senders. *sigh* So if any of you have noticed that I'm not answering messages, I'm sorry. That also means that I sometimes miss the posting of a new comment.
It was this crappy problem that led me to miss the debut of a new blog I've been waiting for! A friend of mine has decided to try her hand at this blogging thing, and I think she does a darn good job! Check out the Impatient Patient. Love the title. :)
Another friend has started a blog too, but I'm not sure how public she's going with it. In any case, congrats! I'm so excited to have more people in the circle!
In other news, not much news. I've been having some anxiety again. I really could do without that. I'm also a little back into the, "Why isn't it my turn?" mode. Not fun either. But my BIG story is that I saw my first yellow-bellied sapsucker today, AND it's been cold so I've been wearing my scarf! Woo Hoo!
It was this crappy problem that led me to miss the debut of a new blog I've been waiting for! A friend of mine has decided to try her hand at this blogging thing, and I think she does a darn good job! Check out the Impatient Patient. Love the title. :)
Another friend has started a blog too, but I'm not sure how public she's going with it. In any case, congrats! I'm so excited to have more people in the circle!
In other news, not much news. I've been having some anxiety again. I really could do without that. I'm also a little back into the, "Why isn't it my turn?" mode. Not fun either. But my BIG story is that I saw my first yellow-bellied sapsucker today, AND it's been cold so I've been wearing my scarf! Woo Hoo!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Unsung Lullabies - Ch. 6 & 7
Disclaimer and disappointments: The next 2 chapters primarily discuss the problems amongst husbands and wives when trying to conceive. I was sorry to see that there wasn't more detailed info on male reproductive issues. I was also sorry to see that it was assumed that people needing counseling for infertility were all heterosexual couples. There was no mention of single parenting, same-sex relationships, or unmarried couples. This is completely the authors' choice, and may have been done in the interest of not having to write a tome, but just understand that that's why I don't have any coverage of those issues in my review. I imagine some of it translates, but not a lot. I'm sorry for that.
Chapter 6 is entitled, "Men Have Feelings Too." Much of what was said in this chapter was touched on in previous ones. It makes a lot of good points about how men handle grief versus how women usually handle it. It reiterates that women often retreat into depression and are more likely to seek help, whereas men go into "action mode," and try to pretend they're ok. They tend to take control at work or in other areas since they feel so out of control in the area of infertility. Women don't always grasp this method of dealing with pain, and can sometimes feel that the men don't care about what is happening. This note was a nice segue into Chapter 7: Relationships Under Fire.
Again, this chapter seems to expound upon ideas already raised in other areas of the book. A thought of note is that for women, this experience is very physical and immediate. It is physical for men, but in a more detached, non constant way. This is another difference that can lead to miscommunication and misunderstanding as to how each gender is handling the trauma. I've often heard female friends mention that they are more immediately involved in the problem of infertility, and that their husbands "get on board" much later. That makes perfect sense when we look at how differently we are involved in and handle the situation from a gender perspective. I know it took DH and I a while to understand the angle from which each was coming, and to respect each other's feelings on the issue.
The authors go on to discuss our coping strategies and the control and power dynamics that can emerge. Sometimes, since we feel so out of control on the reproductive front, we try to gain control in the relationship. To quote the authors, "...the need for control is an attempt to get your needs met by your partner, even at the sacrifice of his or her own needs. That's when the power struggles emerge." I know I've definitely experienced this lovely phenomenon. We're just lucky that we're both fairly laid back and loving, or it could have gotten very ugly. To me, it's almost like when a panicked drowning person unconsciously almost drowns the one trying to save him or her in her desperate need for help.
There is further investigation into why we feel the way we do, and what happens, but what I found even more important is the section on how to communicate about it. The authors note that when your husband withdraws into silence, you can guess what he's communicating, but you're just as likely to be wrong as to be right. The same goes for the partner when a woman subsides into uncontrollable weeping. That's a good note to remember. No saying, "I can't believe you don't know why I'm crying!" I know I've been guilty of that.
The authors suggest that you think about what you feel rather than just feel. Brief time-outs are very handy and can be called mid-fight, and think about how to tell each other the problem rather than show it. If you need to write it down to do it well, then do so. I believe that once you get some of these techniques down, that's when infertility brings you closer as a couple rather than dividing you. I think we've finally gotten better at this part.
Also, remember that in most cases your relationship is good, so do not mistake the trauma of infertility for a traumatic relationship. Don't blame the good part of your life. Remember that all the unfortunate events that are happening are the sad things. Try to see your relationship as a haven from all that. Just as YOU shouldn't be defined by your infertility, neither should your relationship. And remember that if you need to take a break to feel whole - DO it! I know many of us have found that out the hard way.
Move on to Living a New Life with Infertility: Him.Me.Us.
Chapter 6 is entitled, "Men Have Feelings Too." Much of what was said in this chapter was touched on in previous ones. It makes a lot of good points about how men handle grief versus how women usually handle it. It reiterates that women often retreat into depression and are more likely to seek help, whereas men go into "action mode," and try to pretend they're ok. They tend to take control at work or in other areas since they feel so out of control in the area of infertility. Women don't always grasp this method of dealing with pain, and can sometimes feel that the men don't care about what is happening. This note was a nice segue into Chapter 7: Relationships Under Fire.
Again, this chapter seems to expound upon ideas already raised in other areas of the book. A thought of note is that for women, this experience is very physical and immediate. It is physical for men, but in a more detached, non constant way. This is another difference that can lead to miscommunication and misunderstanding as to how each gender is handling the trauma. I've often heard female friends mention that they are more immediately involved in the problem of infertility, and that their husbands "get on board" much later. That makes perfect sense when we look at how differently we are involved in and handle the situation from a gender perspective. I know it took DH and I a while to understand the angle from which each was coming, and to respect each other's feelings on the issue.
The authors go on to discuss our coping strategies and the control and power dynamics that can emerge. Sometimes, since we feel so out of control on the reproductive front, we try to gain control in the relationship. To quote the authors, "...the need for control is an attempt to get your needs met by your partner, even at the sacrifice of his or her own needs. That's when the power struggles emerge." I know I've definitely experienced this lovely phenomenon. We're just lucky that we're both fairly laid back and loving, or it could have gotten very ugly. To me, it's almost like when a panicked drowning person unconsciously almost drowns the one trying to save him or her in her desperate need for help.
There is further investigation into why we feel the way we do, and what happens, but what I found even more important is the section on how to communicate about it. The authors note that when your husband withdraws into silence, you can guess what he's communicating, but you're just as likely to be wrong as to be right. The same goes for the partner when a woman subsides into uncontrollable weeping. That's a good note to remember. No saying, "I can't believe you don't know why I'm crying!" I know I've been guilty of that.
The authors suggest that you think about what you feel rather than just feel. Brief time-outs are very handy and can be called mid-fight, and think about how to tell each other the problem rather than show it. If you need to write it down to do it well, then do so. I believe that once you get some of these techniques down, that's when infertility brings you closer as a couple rather than dividing you. I think we've finally gotten better at this part.
Also, remember that in most cases your relationship is good, so do not mistake the trauma of infertility for a traumatic relationship. Don't blame the good part of your life. Remember that all the unfortunate events that are happening are the sad things. Try to see your relationship as a haven from all that. Just as YOU shouldn't be defined by your infertility, neither should your relationship. And remember that if you need to take a break to feel whole - DO it! I know many of us have found that out the hard way.
Move on to Living a New Life with Infertility: Him.Me.Us.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Chatty Cathy
I just can't seem to shut up lately huh? Anyway, remember my new mission to take care of me first to ensure a happy, healthy Barb? Well that train seems to be chugging along quite nicely thank you. I'm even waffling on whether I want to try that therapist or not. I've been very at peace with only focusing my emotional energies on healing, home and family. And moi?? At peace?? Pretty freakin' awesome. I have to say that many of you have been a great help to me in that area. I'm trying to bolster my own self esteem and learn more about myself, and you've been invaluable. Michelle, I am completely humbled and inspired by your ability to support and build one's confidence. You've never met me, but you say such thoughtful things. And your talent for giving encouragement on just the subject I need is uncanny. Thank you for that. And Kathy V; you're such a sweetheart. I see your uplifting comments on everyone's blogs. Farah, Kaaron, Chips, all of you are awesome. If your name is anywhere on my blogroll or in my comments, I am indebted to you. Many thanks.
Now - what have I been doing to help myself? For most of my life, I have existed to please others to some extent. I have decided that it's time to please me just a bit. For example; has working on projects that I think managers want to see finished helped me much at work? Not really. Does it cause me hardship and make me unhappy? At times. My solution? Do what Barb likes to do! This year I'm only taking on extra projects that make me happy. On top of that, what certain people think at work has no bearing on how I see myself as a person. So I did something and inadvertently made what's-her-name angry. Did she address it with me? If yes, here's my reasoning, and I'm sorry it offended you. Done. If the act has been finished and my apology given, there's nothing more I can do, so it's off my shoulders. If she hasn't addressed it with me, then I give her a giant shrug and go about my business. I'm not gifted with E.S.P.
The other thing I've been doing to help myself is investing in all the things that make me happy. Here is a list of them because lists themselves make me happy. :D
1. Watching TV with my head in DH's lap
2. Talking to friends and family on the phone or through email
3. Playing and cuddling with my pets
4. A well-written article or book (especially ones that open my eyes in wonder or enlightenment)
5. A physically beautiful book
6. Delicious loose leaf teas in a pretty cup
7. Walking through a forest
8. The smell of a warm Florida night after rain
9. Discovering new birds through my binoculars
10. Watching wildlife period.
11. Training animals through operant conditioning.
12. A good game with friends
13. New food discoveries (cooking or eating)
14. Enjoyment of old favorites food wise
15. Feeding other people
16. Beautiful yarn
17. Knitting
18. Hiking
19. Having "adventures" (that's what DH and I call a trip to a new place)
20. Writing
21. Helping others when I can
22. Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Kingdom Hearts and Okami
23. Old Friends or Cosby Show episodes
24. Beautiful skies
25. Chocolate
26. napping on clean, crisp sheets
That's enough for now. It makes me feel good just to see these happy things in print. :) I'll have to do it again.
Now - what have I been doing to help myself? For most of my life, I have existed to please others to some extent. I have decided that it's time to please me just a bit. For example; has working on projects that I think managers want to see finished helped me much at work? Not really. Does it cause me hardship and make me unhappy? At times. My solution? Do what Barb likes to do! This year I'm only taking on extra projects that make me happy. On top of that, what certain people think at work has no bearing on how I see myself as a person. So I did something and inadvertently made what's-her-name angry. Did she address it with me? If yes, here's my reasoning, and I'm sorry it offended you. Done. If the act has been finished and my apology given, there's nothing more I can do, so it's off my shoulders. If she hasn't addressed it with me, then I give her a giant shrug and go about my business. I'm not gifted with E.S.P.
The other thing I've been doing to help myself is investing in all the things that make me happy. Here is a list of them because lists themselves make me happy. :D
1. Watching TV with my head in DH's lap
2. Talking to friends and family on the phone or through email
3. Playing and cuddling with my pets
4. A well-written article or book (especially ones that open my eyes in wonder or enlightenment)
5. A physically beautiful book
6. Delicious loose leaf teas in a pretty cup
7. Walking through a forest
8. The smell of a warm Florida night after rain
9. Discovering new birds through my binoculars
10. Watching wildlife period.
11. Training animals through operant conditioning.
12. A good game with friends
13. New food discoveries (cooking or eating)
14. Enjoyment of old favorites food wise
15. Feeding other people
16. Beautiful yarn
17. Knitting
18. Hiking
19. Having "adventures" (that's what DH and I call a trip to a new place)
20. Writing
21. Helping others when I can
22. Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Kingdom Hearts and Okami
23. Old Friends or Cosby Show episodes
24. Beautiful skies
25. Chocolate
26. napping on clean, crisp sheets
That's enough for now. It makes me feel good just to see these happy things in print. :) I'll have to do it again.
It's Finished!
I am in love with this pattern and this yarn. This is My So Called Scarf in 100% merino worsted weight wool by Malabrigo. The color is stonechat. Given the choice to do it again, I'd go with brighter colors and more contrasting, but the store I visited didn't have much from which to choose. I still love it though.
The Hub took me to Barnes & Noble last night for what was one of my last few chances to show it off. We browsed some wonderful books while I sipped a soy chai latte and nibbled on a biscotti. YUUUUUM! Remember my rule about eating whatever I want for the first 2 days of my period? Bliss.
While browsing, I happened upon a book called Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother. I picked it up to see what it was about, and I was hooked! Before I knew it, I had finished half the book while semi-consciously following DH's back around the store. I didn't buy it, but was sorely tempted. I plan to order a used copy on Amazon to save money. Prepare to hear all about it if I do! I'm in love with the book already!
Then we came home and watched the lunar eclipse. Did anyone else see it?
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Luteal Phase Success!
The witch moved in with all her not so fun baggage today (talking period here). However, let's look at the bright side - I had a 13 day luteal phase! That's pretty darn good for non-medicated ovulatory dysfunction mama.
I know. I really had nothing to do with it, but it feels good all the same. Now if I could only bump up ovulation a smidgen, I'd be pleased.
I know. I really had nothing to do with it, but it feels good all the same. Now if I could only bump up ovulation a smidgen, I'd be pleased.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
