skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Mel had a post up recently talking about how John Le Carre compared writing a book to having a baby. I agree that it was a stupid statement.
However, what I want to share and have in my blog forever are her poignant words on how she actually felt birthing her children.
I had my heart literally explode to the outside of my body, as if she was pulling out my internal organs with her -- both figuratively and literally. I cried and screamed and the incessant worrying began -- never pausing even though she is now 6-years-old -- twisting my body to see her, to hear her Apgar scores, to fret about where she was in relation to my throbbing body, still prone on the table, waiting for her twin brother to join her.
YES Mel. Thank you for putting it into the words I could not.
1. For those of you who have a baby and work, but have very little in the way of non-work related friends and family around you, what do you do when the baby can't go to daycare for whatever reason? I'm currently stuck on the having to call in train.
2. When you can smell that your kiddo took a little poo during the night, do you wake them up to change them or just wait until they awaken?
3. Thrift store shopping pointers please? Not a lot of money can be spared for the new wardrobe I need. Though the poundage is back to normal, the shapage is not.
4. In the same vein - suggestions on good post baby jeans? I did buy a decent pair of Mossimo ones on clearance at Target for $8 (woot!), but they are more of a bought-them-because-of-the-price-and-they-actually-fit pair than a really good investment. Incidentally, I also bought a shirt for $2. Due to the aforementioned rearrangement of my fatty bits, I look like a middle aged woman trying to play sexy teenager in most of my old shirts.
5. For those of you who became stay at home or part-time working Moms... could you please tell me how you did it and managed? Our hugely looming problem by far is health care, so I'm particularly interested in those of you who bought your own policies etc.
OK, so aside from the debatable Mum, Mama and Dada, E just said his first word! Remember that he loves the Elephant Song, and that the rooster is one of his favorite animals in it. Now picture us reading The Very Busy Spider. I'll have you know he chose that one specifically of the two I held up. (Thank you Auntie Jen!). He is helping to turn the pages as always and keeps going back to certain pages he loves. One of those pages has a rooster on it. It reads, "Cock a doodle doo! says the rooster. Want to catch a pesty fly?" I always say Cock a doodle doo in the same sing song, high pitched tone. Ewan started whispering, "Doooo, dooo!" in the same tone. I kept repeating myself. Soon he was saying, "Kuh doo dooooo, Kuh doo doooo!" The "kuh" was more of a breath with a k sound at the beginning, but the doooos were unmistakable.
It's completely friggin adorable. Who woulda thunk that Cock a doodle doo would be the first "word" going in his baby book.
Dear E,
When you sprawl across my chest, your hot little cheek pressed to my collarbone, I feel whole. I am home. Your light is the brightest thing in my existence.
M
My first session went really well. Like everyone else, she is also in love with FavoriteOB. She is also a therapist who seems very competent. (Unlike non-Dr. B) I felt very comfortable with her, and I think this just might help. Just knowing that I have these sessions in my back pocket takes a big weight off my shoulders. We'll call her L from now on.
L started by getting to know me like I feel most anyone would. She asked lots of questions and inserted a few pearls of wisdom. She told me that this is very common and very treatable. She also asked if I had any family here (no), very many non-work friends nearby as support (no), or if it was possible for me to work part-time (no). These are all things I have imagined would help me greatly as well, so she gets points for getting the obvious. It's astounding sometimes how many people don't.
She also got points with me for pulling out a lot of the psychology stuff I remember from school and have used in my job. I know it's obvious she should know that stuff better than I do, but again, remember Non-Dr. B.
She has said we will do this in little steps. So far she's brought up what I've felt I had difficulty dealing with. She's concerned about my self-esteem and thinks I'm probably suffering from separation anxiety from E as part of the issues. She also figures I have an anxiety disorder partly genetic as my Mom suffers from great anxiety and partly situational. She says they pretty much usually just snowball, so it's good to get help younger like I am.
My homework right now is to stop asking "what if," and live in the now. It's also to ask myself if there is real evidence of the bad things I think of my situation and me. For example, "So and so might not respect me." Have they said they don't respect me? If not, then don't worry about it. However, I have had people tell me they respect that I juggle full time work and mothering. I have evidence of that respect, so I should focus on that as a truth.
She has counseled patience, with which I often struggle. It will take time, but I already feel like things are heading in the right direction.
An angry baby is currently yelling/fake crying at me that he would like to NOT NAP please. This is a new development. I blame Elizabeth for putting ideas into his little head.
See that? At first glance, you may think that's a photo of a man's male pattern baldness. But nope, that's my head. Notice the new little wispy hair growth though? That growth wasn't always there. I noticed it not long after I gave birth to E because I thought how funny it was that it resembled how his hair started to come back in after his first hair loss. At the time I just assumed it was regrowth of hair I lost post partum. But now upon further reflection I realize I never had hair there. I used to have such a bad widow's peak that I was embarrassed to pull my hair back and had to arrange my side bangs just so to cover the bald spot. I thought it was a genetic thing that I developed as an adult. Now I think that it's good old PCOS rearing her stupid bitch head again. I had read that women diagnosed with it sometimes had hair loss issues usually reserved for men due to wacky hormone levels, but never thought about it applying to me. I speculate that 9.5 months of pregnancy and 8 months of breast feeding have allowed my cysty, crusty ovaries to catch a break, thus reducing the level of androgens in my body, THUS allowing me to get a more decent hair line back! Now I cry to think it's probably only short lived. Ah well. I'll just glory in it for now. Stupid effing syndrome.
