Remembrance

A few of you have asked about my Aunt. I thank you. My family will heal as it always does in times of crisis. We are a large clan with heart disease running rampant; so this kind of tragedy is all too common. Aunt had become the matriarch of our clan. Everyone seems a little lost right now since she's gone. We thought we had more time. We always think we have more time.

My Grandma was the oldest girl in her large family. She only had one brother older than she. Her mother died when many of the kids were young, so Grandma became the caretaker and eventually, matriarch. Everyone looked to her to handle things. Everyone gathered around her for Sunday dinners. She just drew people. She was well respected and loved.

Grandma always had heart issues. She had more heart attacks than any one person should endure. Then, at 57, the doctors told her she had very little time left. It could be tomorrow, or it could be 3 years, they said. It was 3 years. My Mom was very young when Grandma died. She had two older siblings, but Mom tended to be the one to take on responsibility. She had me to care for after all. But you need someone to look up to in your early 20's, and Aunt filled that role for Mom. Aunt and Uncle (who reminds us so much of Grandma) started to treat Mom as one of their own. When Mom was little, she played with their kids as if they were brothers and sisters, so it was a natural evolution. Aunt and Uncle even made me, and later my step-sister, feel as if we were theirs to care for. Obviously we weren't the same as the grandchildren, but Aunt and Uncle filled a void we felt.

I'll never forget something Aunt said about us to a visitor. A family friend had stopped by the house and was inspecting the photos displayed on the entertainment unit. He read through all the names of the grandchildren and then stopped when he came upon my and Sister's faces. "Why are they on here?" he asked, "Isn't this just for grandchildren?"

Aunt replied, "Those two belong up there just as much as every one of my grandchildren."

Aunt was tough talking and full of grit. She'd tell you what she thought and damn the consequences. But she was also full of more heart than most people I know. When a cousin on my Dad's side of the family passed away at a young age, Aunt wept quietly to herself even though she never knew her. She wept for the loss of such a sweet young life.

Aunt's dog, E ran away once and came back carrying pups. Aunt cursed and huffed, saying she didn't want to deal with all those animals. Then E went into labor, and Aunt tenderly helped deliver all 14 puppies and cried when one didn't make it. She even worked around the clock to help E feed the pups, as 13 was too much for one dog. They placed all 13 in loving homes.

These are the memories that will come up when I visit home soon. We are a "talk it through" family. We'll share wonderful memories and hugs, and get through it together.

Trip Photos

I don't think I'm going to write a story about our trip to Europe because it's just too big. There was just too much awe, excitement and traveling involved for me to even begin to wrap my brain around a little blog post. And I really don't want to write a novel about it.

However, I will say that getting through customs was surprisingly easy compared to coming into the U.S., Canada, or the Caribbean. We kept waiting for them to stop us or ask us more questions, but it never happened! Germany is a really beautiful country in topography, architecture, historical sites and climate. I have German roots, so it felt a little like coming home. We didn't see too much of the Netherlands, but what we saw was pretty and more modern. It felt a bit less foreign than Germany did. The people of the Netherlands were so kind and helpful. I know some of my friends think that's just a stereotype, but I'm telling you, all whom I've met from there in my life have been some of the nicest people. It must be in all that water. I really did not want to come home so soon.

With that said, here are the photos:

On the Left - German countryside. On the Right - the famous canals of Utrecht, Netherlands - dating to the 1300's I believe. Both so beautiful.
Above - Hubs takes shots like the paparazzi as friends and I walk through the night streets. I'm in the middle. That's the best shot you're getting. ;-)

A beautiful view of the Mosel river. Vineyards, fortresses and castles abounded.


On the left an altstadt (old town) in Germany. We're talking 12th century old. On the right, an 1800's fortress overlooking the Rhine.

Pieces of the Berlin Wall. (Not in Berlin)

The ruins of Heidelberg Castle - begun in the 1200's and added to for 100's of years. That tower in the foreground was blown up by the French 100's of years ago. It's called "Thick Tower." The walls in it are 26ft thick. The Castle would have protected the town below along the Neckar River. Nobels would have lived in the shadow of the castle on the other side of a formidable gated bridge that still exists. Peasants would have been on their own on the other side of the bridge. Gotta love medieval times.

By the way, the Rhineland area really resembles Pennsylvania with its rolling green mountains, forests and farms. The towns are very different, but the topography is not. I think now I know why so very many Germans settled in PA. It made me a little homesick. The weather seemed nicer in Germany though. haha.

P.S. I'm going to answer some of the post comments from earlier within the comments.

P.P.S. Hub took most of these pictures and I think needs a few kudos for some good photography with a crappy camera. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you sooner honey! Good job!

One of my 2 secret knitting projects revealed

I can finally show everyone one of those knitting projects I couldn't talk about.

I knitted them for the recent addition to our extended family, so I couldn't show them until they received it. They are Mary Jane Booties, and I just love them. They were surprisingly easy, but I did have some problems with left and right (as I always seem to) and am not sure it ended up exactly correct. I also knitted 3 booties to get 2 that I liked. haha.

Here's a shot of what they look like before they are finished and sewn up. I'm pretty darn proud of myself as this is my very first attempt at footwear. I hope the little girl likes them!

I think I may feel like doing some trip posts in the next few days.

Catching Up

We're back, and I will be catching up, but things are insane right now. I can't even write a cohesive, coherent post about it all, so you're going to get it in blurbs. Europe was exhilarating, enlightening, beautiful and a great chance to get away from our lives. Unfortunately, it didn't take long to have it all come crashing back.

*Aunt died this morning. More complications from the whole process. As usual at this early
stage, most are numb and nothing is figured out yet. Since prices of everything went up a lot even in that short week we were gone, am I going to have money to go to the funeral? Hell, are we going to have money to do anything if this doesn't stop soon?

*There was a birth in the family. At least that's a good thing. I just wish I had already borne a
playmate for the new one. CONGRATULATIONS M&H!

*I got my period on the second plane back home... the plane that was delayed, and in which the a/c was broken at first so we sat on a sweltering tarmac for 40 minutes while they fixed it. Nice. However, I noticed that it came at exactly the time it should have come for me to have ovulated on cycle day 24... just like the last 2 cycles. Maybe I did ovulate, and it just wasn't a good one, or maybe my body is just actually having regular menses now even if I don't ovulate. I am very happy about either case because it's still more regular than I was before. I just wish we could bump up the ovulation day a little bit. It would be nice if this would work for me because I don't see us having the money for that last try at IUI any time soon. It just seems too frivolous when we're dealing with all this family and financial stuff.

I will write more about how wonderful Germany and the Netherlands were along with photos when I feel more up to it. I was so entranced by our trip, and it filled me with such joy that I don't want to write about it until I can do it justice.

Now I'm on to catch up on everyone's lives.

Lots of love,
FCiF

Only have a moment. I love Germany. Period. If you had asked before we came here which country I'd want to visit, I wouldn't have chosen it first. But it is a gorgeous, fascinating country, and I wish we could stay longer! Today we visited a castle, a 2000 yr old town, and gorgeous countryside. I liked the Netherlands too, but saw much less of it, so it's harder to talk about. I loved the people though. Back soon! Oh wait. I mean back soon. :(

Vacation Rambling

Mel's recent post about vacations got me thinking more about our own impending (VERY SOON!) trip. I've been so distracted by family problems and logistics that I hadn't even gotten excited about the idea yet that we are going to Europe for the first time ever. It almost seems like a dream to me. I come from a small, rural, poverty riddled town and from a very lower class upbringing. I was lucky I went to college. It's almost absurd to think that I've lived in different states, traveled to the Caribbean and married a Canadian. Now I'm going to add Europe to the list? I always thought I'd go sometime, but the economy being what it's been, we've been wondering when. Now the time is nigh.

Our vacation style is definitely what I'd call "adventure-driven." We generally call our vacations "adventures" and try to immerse ourselves in whatever culture we've been plopped into by exploring everything and anything exciting to us. There was a lot of discussion amongst family and between the Hub and I over what is happening with my Aunt and how it will affect our decision to take this trip. All involved expect that we should go. It bothers me to think that it may seem like I'm preferring a trip to my Aunt, but her condition has not changed, she is not awake, and I suspect that I suffer from a bit too much optimism that she'll recover. I'm afraid to act as if she won't and cancel the trip to be there in case it makes the worst happen. You know what I mean? It's that same crazy reasoning that has led me to believe in the past that I could have prevented my early miscarriage. You are all familiar with it I'm sure.

But we will go on the trip and see our dear friends unite in marriage. They seem so wonderful together that I cannot wait to see their vows of commitment. I'm sure it will be beautiful. There's also the fact that they're getting married in a castle. That doesn't hurt a bit. We will hope that our optimism about my Aunt will prove helpful even though I know that's silly. I will be going up there soon, and I would love to see her and tell her to get well myself.

We leave this week. I've been hesitant to say where we're going what with my attempted quasi-anonymity and all, but eff it. We fly into Germany first, and will spend time with my Dad there. Then we'll travel to the Netherlands, and then back to Germany before heading home. I will be taking lots of photos.

xoxo
FCiF

He always makes me smile when I need it most

Three year old Nephew has his own learning game on Sister's computer. Nephew has recently discovered that aforementioned game has a "print" option on the bottom right corner of the screen.

When she turned on the computer yesterday, Sister fielded 3 printed copies of toddler learning fun before spending 30 minutes canceling print jobs just so she could do her class assignment.


More toddler fun that has had me giggling to escape my worries lately: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fVDGu82FeQ