Oh My

Here's the deal. Even though I said I've been trying to stay above the fray so to speak, things still bother me from time to time. And this last week at work has been a doozy. I don't think it's a coincidence either that I worked quite a bit of overtime this week. Fatigue makes things much more difficult for me.

Basically, while I did well on my year end review, I also got a bit (scratch that - a lot) of a character dressing down. Two of my 3 managers apparently do not like me at all. Nice. I don't believe that has ever happened to me before. I'm the eager to please puppy (as Hub calls me), the overachiever, the doormat. Apparently my quest to no longer BE a doormat has been too successful. I don't know. I just know that I got a laundry list today of all the things that I've done all year that have been frustrating to the other 2 managers. That would have been nice to know oh.. hmmm.. when... oh yeah, WHEN THEY HAPPENED instead of months later! And for the record, the thing I've done that's been most frustrating to one of the managers? I was friends with someone else on the team that he didn't like. That made us, according to the manager reviewing me, twins. Doesn't that sound a little high school to you? Note that this friend of mine and I are very different people.

The other manager who doesn't like me thinks that I am terrible at one of the things in which I take pride and at which I have been praised by my coworkers and by the head of the department for that particular project. I believed (rightfully I think) that that meant I was doing well. Apparently not according to this manager... which I guess explains why I get the strange emails explaining how to begin said projects in very elementary ways from her. I just always assumed she was like that with everyone. Nope. Just me. Thanks.

Finally - note that neither one of these managers has actually approached me with any of this. I hear it at my year end review from a third party. Somehow that doesn't make me want to hurry up and fix things - or as my reviewer put it, "make friends" with them.

Sorry for the rant, but I'm pretty pissed about being knocked off my happy pedestal. I was doing really well darn it! The good thing in all this though is that it gave me incentive to be more aggressive in getting a new position. I also managed to not get as upset as I used to and was even somewhat ok by later this evening. Normally I would have cried over something like this. Now, I got a little teary, but then figured, "what the hell." I'm so tired of figuring it out or trying to do the right thing. It's never the right thing when you have a target on your back. So why try? I'll tread water until I can get myself out.

I'm working on the shuttle photos... I swear! FFF post tomorrow evening...