Too much for one post

• I cannot get things done for the life of me. I'm sorry for all of the un-returned emails, un-commented posts, and backlogged work. Why do I feel so busy?
• We saw Twilight yesterday! I loved it! There were clumsy and corny spots, and hair and make-up definitely needed more money or expertise, but I liked it anyway. If anyone who hasn't read the books has seen it, could you let me know what you thought? I think a lot of the reason I liked it is because I knew the background to what was happening. There were a few spots in the movie where I even got the same rush I got when reading the book. The book is infinitely better of course.
  
• Speaking of vampires, I visited my favorite ones today. The results of this round of bloodletting will be known the second week of December. Bring it on.
  
• The graduate program I applied to lost my transcripts. I am beyond frustrated with all the hitches I've had in my application process. There's more money down the drain!
• I've been so tired lately. I still need to do the laundry, take care of the pets, do the dishes and prep for T-day on Thursday (since I work). It's not lookin' good.
• Speaking of "lookin' good," since dear Jen has taken to letting me know that on a regular basis, I thought I'd give you the background. The late 70's age couple next door has been pretty nice to us since we moved in. However, Mr. Late 70's has taken an uncomfortable shine to me as of late. After a particularly awkward conversation in which he repeated how cute and pretty I was multiple times, I took to avoiding him. After I convinced myself I was crazy, I saw him again, and he kissed my neck in the middle of a hug... and not the just past the cheek spot... the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. (Everyone... EEEEEEEWWWWW!) Now, every time he sees me he shouts, "Lookin' good Barb!" Thus, Jen's fun (and my self-imprisonment when he's on his porch) began.
  
• I had a self-confidence attack last night and got all worried about what people think of me for an hour or two. It eased quickly, and I'm at a good spot now. I had dreams all night however about how everyone that I thought loved me secretly despised me. I guess the anxiety runs deep.
  

That's all for now. Talk at ya later and have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING if I don't post before then!

Long Promised Shots

This is a surprisingly good shot of what we saw considering it was taken on our little point and shoot digital. We are at least an hour from the launch site though, so we miss a lot of it. Before we could even see the shuttle, we could see a bright pink, red and orange glow covering the horizon. Shortly after that, I shot the first video. (ETA: Looking at it uploaded, it's not nearly as good as when we look at it directly from our camera. On our camera, you can see the gold and red glow in the sky. In this shot you can't. :( )


This is your chance to hear my and Hub's dorky-ness. There was also a lady we did not know standing beside us and talking a lot.

This next shot is the shuttle just over the moon. Since it was dark, we could see it for a long time. It was really noticeable when the boosters fell off since they were little flame spots separating from the shiny star that was the shuttle. Now if I could only record the boom it makes when it crosses our airspace on the way back...
ETA: Please click on photo to see an enlarged shot so you can actually spot the shuttle above the moon.

Great Rewards

I think I've finally jumped the hurdle, crossed the line, found my safe zone. It may be that my hormones are giving me a break, but I think I've also finally just reached the point where I'm happy with who I am flaws and all. I've been dealing with insecurity more and more as I age, but I still would reach lots of crisis points when others surprised me with harsh words. I couldn't deal if I wasn't prepared.

Now, however, I find that the sting from these surprises is less severe and quickly fades. I find that even though I am well aware of my flaws, that I'm ok with them existing and can now even see the good in them. For example, at times I can be defensive, too sensitive, effusive in anger or passion and too verbal. But in turn, I'm also nurturing and empathetic, effusive in praise and affection, well spoken and passionate about making a difference, bettering myself on my terms and supporting causes.

I like me. If someone else doesn't like me despite my best foot forward, oh well. It used to be that I was starving for any love thrown my way. Now I welcome love and praise, but I also have all the love I need right here in my home. Perhaps infertility has helped me prepare for great motherhood after all.

Rumbly

I was very bad last night and ate 3 slices of pizza along with a little soda. My tummy is very angry.

Fun Food Friday - Drink edition!

***One note on previous entry. I have never cried in front of my managers. If I do that, it's at home. Just sayin'.***

Alrighty - on to the fun stuff! Originally I was going to talk about a food, but I was inspired tonight by something that made me very happy instead. (sorry Heather!) It's actually been cold here; near freezing even! I know that's hard to believe, but would I lie? I even had very realistic dreams the other night that it had snowed. Because of that, I've been downing tea and warm comfort foods. My recent stress also causes a lot of that activity. ;-)

Tonight, I had an intense craving for chocolate. Put those things together, and you come up with the idea for a nice, creamy, soothing cup of hot cocoa! I grabbed my Ghirardelli Unsweetened Cocoa, mixed in some sugar, warmed up my milk, and aaaaaaaaahh ambrosia!

This is my favorite cocoa. First of all, I have never been disappointed by the quality of Ghirardelli chocolate. It's a particular favorite of both the Hub's and mine. Secondly, the unsweetened stuff is puuuuuuuure cocoa; no added flavors, no added preservatives. And the closer I get to unadalterated chocolate, the closer I get to unadalterated bliss.* Lastly, you mix it with milk, and you add the amount of sugar you want. The instructions suggest 1 cup of milk, 1.5 TBSP of cocoa and 1.5 TBSP of sugar. Even before my sugar issues, I found that to be too sweet. So I add 1.5 TBSP of cocoa and 3/4 TBSP of sugar. It tastes fabulous, I don't get as much sugar in my system, and I get my chocolate high! You gotta love that something so tongue pleasing has flavanoids and body benefits.

Feel free to join in with your own FFF!


*I told you I was a true choc-aholic.

Oh My

Here's the deal. Even though I said I've been trying to stay above the fray so to speak, things still bother me from time to time. And this last week at work has been a doozy. I don't think it's a coincidence either that I worked quite a bit of overtime this week. Fatigue makes things much more difficult for me.

Basically, while I did well on my year end review, I also got a bit (scratch that - a lot) of a character dressing down. Two of my 3 managers apparently do not like me at all. Nice. I don't believe that has ever happened to me before. I'm the eager to please puppy (as Hub calls me), the overachiever, the doormat. Apparently my quest to no longer BE a doormat has been too successful. I don't know. I just know that I got a laundry list today of all the things that I've done all year that have been frustrating to the other 2 managers. That would have been nice to know oh.. hmmm.. when... oh yeah, WHEN THEY HAPPENED instead of months later! And for the record, the thing I've done that's been most frustrating to one of the managers? I was friends with someone else on the team that he didn't like. That made us, according to the manager reviewing me, twins. Doesn't that sound a little high school to you? Note that this friend of mine and I are very different people.

The other manager who doesn't like me thinks that I am terrible at one of the things in which I take pride and at which I have been praised by my coworkers and by the head of the department for that particular project. I believed (rightfully I think) that that meant I was doing well. Apparently not according to this manager... which I guess explains why I get the strange emails explaining how to begin said projects in very elementary ways from her. I just always assumed she was like that with everyone. Nope. Just me. Thanks.

Finally - note that neither one of these managers has actually approached me with any of this. I hear it at my year end review from a third party. Somehow that doesn't make me want to hurry up and fix things - or as my reviewer put it, "make friends" with them.

Sorry for the rant, but I'm pretty pissed about being knocked off my happy pedestal. I was doing really well darn it! The good thing in all this though is that it gave me incentive to be more aggressive in getting a new position. I also managed to not get as upset as I used to and was even somewhat ok by later this evening. Normally I would have cried over something like this. Now, I got a little teary, but then figured, "what the hell." I'm so tired of figuring it out or trying to do the right thing. It's never the right thing when you have a target on your back. So why try? I'll tread water until I can get myself out.

I'm working on the shuttle photos... I swear! FFF post tomorrow evening...

Shuttles and Cojones

We finally saw a night launch!!!! We didn't go up close to see it, but we can drive to the local Publix and see it from the parking lot pretty well. It's supposed to be the last night launch before they retire the fleet. It lit up the night sky beautifully! I'll post photos and video later.

I've also been telling people who knowingly hurt or badger me to bugger off! (Did I do that right Womb for Improvement? hehe) I admit it makes me feel DAMN GOOD. I want to stay happy while my body is giving me this break. If someone wants to blame me for problems I didn't cause - screw it.