Occasionally I debate going a little less anonymous with my blog. I need to be able to say everything that's on my mind, and I often feel that being anonymous is the only way I can comfortably do that even though I still try to be unhurtful. (Yes, my word.) I also worry a lot about exposing my husband and child to the world at large without filters. However, there are SO many fun things E does, the pets do and that I experience at work that I censor myself from writing. Can I ask for some debate and thoughts on all your experiences of anonymous versus completely open and everything in between? And while you're at it, scroll on down and give me your milk story if you have one as well.
Loves and hugs,
FCiF
Monday, August 9, 2010
BlogHer
Kudos to everyone who went to BlogHer, had a fantastic time and gave us great downloads of the event! Every year I read them and wish I had been there. Something always seems to stand in my way. A few years ago, it was money (in a big way!). Sometimes I can't get those dates off at work. Next it was the pregnancy and the baby. (Yeah, I'm a wimp. But I can't stand to be away from my baby yet.) Now I think it's going to be distance if it is indeed in San Diego next year. I will be keeping it on my radar though. Now if I could only convince you all how fabulous Florida would be as a conference destination...
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Letters to Babybutt
Dear E,
Did you know that you are completely amazing? We thought we'd be "training" you, but you really seem to train us more. You let us know when you're ready for new things and you just DO it! And watching you develop is one of the coolest things I've ever done.
Love ya,
M
Did you know that you are completely amazing? We thought we'd be "training" you, but you really seem to train us more. You let us know when you're ready for new things and you just DO it! And watching you develop is one of the coolest things I've ever done.
Love ya,
M
Friday, August 6, 2010
The Milk Story
As I mentioned briefly before, I'm losing my milk. I can only guess at what brought about this turn of events, but I imagine it's a combination of the fact that he no longer nurses at night, he only nurses 2-3 oz every 3 hours from me, he's into solids, I'm pumping at work and maybe the hot weather. He shows a lot less interest in nursing too. He only really settles down to it if he's very tired or upset. Even then a bottle will usually do just as well.
A lot of my friends have expressed their concern about my upset over it - except that I'm not really upset. I've read that some women need to get up to pump in the middle of the night to maintain their supply when baby starts sleeping for long stretches. I'm not doing that. If I get to sleep, I'm sleeping. I also know that I could increase my supply through diligent pumping. I'm not doing that either. I know me, and I'm not starting an obsession with maintaining milk. I want to enjoy the baby more. I'm a little sad about the loss of this bonding and the loss of such a fascinating, amazing function my body performs for the baby. However, I've gotten 7 good months in and will probably be able to continue for a bit more. (Not so bad right?) My main worry was that I would have to try to wean E, and that it would be traumatic for him. He seems fine. That eases me so much. It also eases me that we have so many other ways to bond now. When he was tiny, breast feeding was really our main connection in that way. E was so on edge all the time that his meal times were some of our only peaceful moments. Now we laugh together, hold hands, cuddle, kiss, hug, squeal and he babbles, "mum mum mum!" His eyes light up when he sees me. He shivers in delight when I touch him. How could I be sad?
All that said, I'm also quite happy about reducing my pumping times at work. It always frustrates me when I see articles about how few women breast feed exclusively to such and such an age. They make it sound horrible, and usually tout lack of education. I agree that education has something to do with it, but so do medical issues and the fact of our society - that many moms need to work. If I didn't work, there would be no health care. It's an unfortunate fact. But work hurts breast feeding in a big way in my opinion. I'm not going to go into that rant here, but I'd really like it if working moms had more options in the U.S. to be able to spend more time with baby or integrate more slowly back into the work force. Done.
You know what else I won't miss? Thrush, painful bites that linger, thrush, giant boobs, and thrush that makes me write in pain at night. And oh what else? Oh yeah.. thrush.
What will I miss? I will miss watching his little peaceful face as I provide sustenance and he falls asleep at the breast. But I do get much of that with the bottle as well. I will miss the convenience of breast feeding (once it was established and easier.) I will miss the economic and environmental pluses. I will miss the absolute amazement at what my body could do. I will miss being the main provider of his sustenance.
But I'm ready to share. I'm ready to have a little bit more freedom to be apart from the baby. I don't usually want that time apart, but it's nice to have that little piece of me as an option again. As I said to Hub tonight, during the last month, I've finally started to find ME again. I love it. I love who I've become. I love being a Mom. I'm OK.
Note: Other Moms please share bfing loss experiences. I'm especially interested in stores from moms who breast fed but also worked and pumped. I wonder if my body is unusual or the norm. I don't know any Moms like me in real life I think.
A lot of my friends have expressed their concern about my upset over it - except that I'm not really upset. I've read that some women need to get up to pump in the middle of the night to maintain their supply when baby starts sleeping for long stretches. I'm not doing that. If I get to sleep, I'm sleeping. I also know that I could increase my supply through diligent pumping. I'm not doing that either. I know me, and I'm not starting an obsession with maintaining milk. I want to enjoy the baby more. I'm a little sad about the loss of this bonding and the loss of such a fascinating, amazing function my body performs for the baby. However, I've gotten 7 good months in and will probably be able to continue for a bit more. (Not so bad right?) My main worry was that I would have to try to wean E, and that it would be traumatic for him. He seems fine. That eases me so much. It also eases me that we have so many other ways to bond now. When he was tiny, breast feeding was really our main connection in that way. E was so on edge all the time that his meal times were some of our only peaceful moments. Now we laugh together, hold hands, cuddle, kiss, hug, squeal and he babbles, "mum mum mum!" His eyes light up when he sees me. He shivers in delight when I touch him. How could I be sad?
All that said, I'm also quite happy about reducing my pumping times at work. It always frustrates me when I see articles about how few women breast feed exclusively to such and such an age. They make it sound horrible, and usually tout lack of education. I agree that education has something to do with it, but so do medical issues and the fact of our society - that many moms need to work. If I didn't work, there would be no health care. It's an unfortunate fact. But work hurts breast feeding in a big way in my opinion. I'm not going to go into that rant here, but I'd really like it if working moms had more options in the U.S. to be able to spend more time with baby or integrate more slowly back into the work force. Done.
You know what else I won't miss? Thrush, painful bites that linger, thrush, giant boobs, and thrush that makes me write in pain at night. And oh what else? Oh yeah.. thrush.
What will I miss? I will miss watching his little peaceful face as I provide sustenance and he falls asleep at the breast. But I do get much of that with the bottle as well. I will miss the convenience of breast feeding (once it was established and easier.) I will miss the economic and environmental pluses. I will miss the absolute amazement at what my body could do. I will miss being the main provider of his sustenance.
But I'm ready to share. I'm ready to have a little bit more freedom to be apart from the baby. I don't usually want that time apart, but it's nice to have that little piece of me as an option again. As I said to Hub tonight, during the last month, I've finally started to find ME again. I love it. I love who I've become. I love being a Mom. I'm OK.
Note: Other Moms please share bfing loss experiences. I'm especially interested in stores from moms who breast fed but also worked and pumped. I wonder if my body is unusual or the norm. I don't know any Moms like me in real life I think.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Letters to BB (7 mos)
Dear E,
You have now been on the Outside with us for 7 wonderful months. OK, the first few months were a little tense, but still wonderful for all that. Do you know I thank God for you every single day? Sometimes it's even every hour - even when you're waking up at night... again.
You amaze us with everything you do. You're so bright, charming and sweet. You give kisses by the 100's. I still get a thrill every time you reach for my cheeks with your chubby little hands and an open maw. You like to twirl your fingers in mommy's hair and hardly ever pull.
Your favorites of the moment? Bananas, applesauce, sweet potatoes, cords, keyboards, glasses and bottles (from which you mimic drinking), hugs and kisses as always, monkey, eeyore, sitting up like a big boy, rolling, gibbering, squealing (loudly), water in any form (you should see your face light up when you know it's tub time), other kids and babies, words (jeopardy is HEAVEN, and you even read tags for Pete's sake) and bouncing.
And now you're awake and it's time to play!
Love,
M
You have now been on the Outside with us for 7 wonderful months. OK, the first few months were a little tense, but still wonderful for all that. Do you know I thank God for you every single day? Sometimes it's even every hour - even when you're waking up at night... again.
You amaze us with everything you do. You're so bright, charming and sweet. You give kisses by the 100's. I still get a thrill every time you reach for my cheeks with your chubby little hands and an open maw. You like to twirl your fingers in mommy's hair and hardly ever pull.
Your favorites of the moment? Bananas, applesauce, sweet potatoes, cords, keyboards, glasses and bottles (from which you mimic drinking), hugs and kisses as always, monkey, eeyore, sitting up like a big boy, rolling, gibbering, squealing (loudly), water in any form (you should see your face light up when you know it's tub time), other kids and babies, words (jeopardy is HEAVEN, and you even read tags for Pete's sake) and bouncing.
And now you're awake and it's time to play!
Love,
M
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Dear Universe,
I know. What was I thinking bragging about my baby's new sleep habits? I will now pay the penance of every few hour wake-ups thank you. But if I promise never to do it again, will you have mercy on me?
Thanks.
A hopeful FCiF
Thanks.
A hopeful FCiF
Monday, August 2, 2010
Bad Blogger
A hundred posts in my head, but completely distracted. Baby is eating food. My mommy just left. (Boo). I get lots of love from him. Milk is trying to decide if it wants to stay around. Mixed feelings about that. He is almost 7 mos and might understand that "Mum mum" applies to me. I will be writing him his letter soon.
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