So... I finally mastered the pattern to make My So Called Scarf! However, I made a very poor yarn choice. It was the only variegated yarn I saw, and was in beautiful colors, but the weight of it does not work for this scarf. I can't afford to buy the Manos del Uruguay yarn - beautiful as it is. So I'm on the hunt for affordable variegated yarn that will work well with this pattern. If anyone has any recommendations, please let me know.
I may venture out a bit to see a yarn shop I just found that looks very promising. Why can none of them be close to me though??
Gotta run. I'm meeting up with a friend soon. I also met up with another friend yesterday and plan to blog about it, but that (along with my financial woes) will have to wait until I get back. ;-)
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Unsung Lullabies: Introduction & Chapter 1
Discussion link at bottom
I already really like this book. Everything is described so succinctly and accurately. The Introduction basically covers the authors' backgrounds and their reasons for writing the book and founding the Center for Reproductive Psychology. All 3 of the authors have experienced infertility. However, David Diamond's story was profound for me. I am not blind to the pain that men feel during this experience, but Dave illustrated some of the misconceptions very well. In his account, Dave's friend responds to the news of their IVF by telling him the story of another friend who underwent IVF, only to lose the baby late in pregnancy. The kicker is that before telling the story, Dave's friend cautions him not to tell his wife because, "it will upset her."
Dave's private response is shock and anger. He is surprised that his friend would think that Dave is immune to the same kind of pain and worry his wife is experiencing. He writes, "What about the man? What about me?" It made me think about my husband, and how he's going through a lot of the same emotional turmoil that I'm experiencing, but that he doesn't voice it as much, nor does he get as much support from others. I worry about that and hope that I at least am meeting his needs in that area.
Part 1 is entitled, "Reproductive Trauma. What Happens When Things Go Wrong?" The first chapter is, "This Isn't How it Was Supposed to Be." Most of the first chapter is basically a rehash of all the reasons that infertility sucks. I could definitely identify, and it felt good to see all my feelings validated on paper by a professional.
The word "trauma" jumped out at me though. They say, "A trauma is any event or feeling that goes beyond the range of usual human experience and is overwhelming either physically, emotionally, or both." I had never thought to use the word "trauma" to describe this ordeal, but it most certainly fits the bill. Is this overwhelming physically? Of course it is! The fact that I no longer fear the pain of childbirth like I once did is testament to that. And if anyone questions me on the physical distress, I'll point to my endometrial biopsy with its incredibly painful complications. Or how about the HSG, the shots, the horrible cramping and swollen, painful ovaries, the intense bloating, the hot flashes, the IUI, the laproscopy and hysterscopy? OK, but that's the treatment, not the disease some would say. Well, to that I say, take one of my horribly painful, heavy periods or deal with the fatigue and joint pain that comes along with PCOS and hypothyroid. Then you can judge. As for emotional distress... wow. I don't think I even have to touch that one! Besides, I'm probably preaching to the choir here on this stuff. Let me just say that it's bad enough to deal with infertility itself. But when you add mood altering chemicals in large quantities?? I never imagined I was capable of such rage, anxiety and despair.
So, to sum it up, I feel like we've only just brushed the surface of the issues in this book. But I was already able to reflect more on the unique pain that men feel in this situation. I'm also glad that they introduced me to the use of the word trauma to describe infertility. It seemed to validate my situation somehow, and that's something that helps me feel less crazy. I'm always on the lookout for less of the crazy.
See you next Saturday for the next installment!
Move to the next blogger: Validation
I already really like this book. Everything is described so succinctly and accurately. The Introduction basically covers the authors' backgrounds and their reasons for writing the book and founding the Center for Reproductive Psychology. All 3 of the authors have experienced infertility. However, David Diamond's story was profound for me. I am not blind to the pain that men feel during this experience, but Dave illustrated some of the misconceptions very well. In his account, Dave's friend responds to the news of their IVF by telling him the story of another friend who underwent IVF, only to lose the baby late in pregnancy. The kicker is that before telling the story, Dave's friend cautions him not to tell his wife because, "it will upset her."
Dave's private response is shock and anger. He is surprised that his friend would think that Dave is immune to the same kind of pain and worry his wife is experiencing. He writes, "What about the man? What about me?" It made me think about my husband, and how he's going through a lot of the same emotional turmoil that I'm experiencing, but that he doesn't voice it as much, nor does he get as much support from others. I worry about that and hope that I at least am meeting his needs in that area.
Part 1 is entitled, "Reproductive Trauma. What Happens When Things Go Wrong?" The first chapter is, "This Isn't How it Was Supposed to Be." Most of the first chapter is basically a rehash of all the reasons that infertility sucks. I could definitely identify, and it felt good to see all my feelings validated on paper by a professional.
The word "trauma" jumped out at me though. They say, "A trauma is any event or feeling that goes beyond the range of usual human experience and is overwhelming either physically, emotionally, or both." I had never thought to use the word "trauma" to describe this ordeal, but it most certainly fits the bill. Is this overwhelming physically? Of course it is! The fact that I no longer fear the pain of childbirth like I once did is testament to that. And if anyone questions me on the physical distress, I'll point to my endometrial biopsy with its incredibly painful complications. Or how about the HSG, the shots, the horrible cramping and swollen, painful ovaries, the intense bloating, the hot flashes, the IUI, the laproscopy and hysterscopy? OK, but that's the treatment, not the disease some would say. Well, to that I say, take one of my horribly painful, heavy periods or deal with the fatigue and joint pain that comes along with PCOS and hypothyroid. Then you can judge. As for emotional distress... wow. I don't think I even have to touch that one! Besides, I'm probably preaching to the choir here on this stuff. Let me just say that it's bad enough to deal with infertility itself. But when you add mood altering chemicals in large quantities?? I never imagined I was capable of such rage, anxiety and despair.
So, to sum it up, I feel like we've only just brushed the surface of the issues in this book. But I was already able to reflect more on the unique pain that men feel in this situation. I'm also glad that they introduced me to the use of the word trauma to describe infertility. It seemed to validate my situation somehow, and that's something that helps me feel less crazy. I'm always on the lookout for less of the crazy.
See you next Saturday for the next installment!
Move to the next blogger: Validation
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Hail the Conquering Heroine!
I found this wonderful quiz link at Living a New Life with Infertility. I think my results are fairly accurate. However, I believe that I'm a bit more emotional (you say, "a bit?") than she is.
I must have absorbed some of her "sense." I had a very productive and satisfying meeting with one of my bigger bosses today. He was unaware of some of the problems our team is facing and wanted to address them. He also is helping me a lot in my career development. I had been feeling very boxed in. Finally, I can exhale a little about work.
I must have absorbed some of her "sense." I had a very productive and satisfying meeting with one of my bigger bosses today. He was unaware of some of the problems our team is facing and wanted to address them. He also is helping me a lot in my career development. I had been feeling very boxed in. Finally, I can exhale a little about work.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Stringing You Along
So far I really like Unsung Lullabies. I'm actually excited to write my post for Saturday's update. I'm trying hard to keep from reading too much at one time so that I'm able to really reflect on the passages for each week. I think moving through this book and blogging about it will be cathartic. I've already had a few "a-ha" moments.
I've also begun looking into counseling. Surprisingly, my insurance coverage for it is very good, so there's no reason not to do it. Plus, I've been having more and more trouble balancing my issues with infertility, adoption and work without help. And I really want to be able to move on at some point so that we can start the family we've always wanted. However, I fear that if we did that right now without help, there may be disastrous results. I very much feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis at 30. Unsung Lullabies covers some of the reasons for why that may be so, and I can't wait to get to that chapter.
Is this what they call a "teaser?"
I've also begun looking into counseling. Surprisingly, my insurance coverage for it is very good, so there's no reason not to do it. Plus, I've been having more and more trouble balancing my issues with infertility, adoption and work without help. And I really want to be able to move on at some point so that we can start the family we've always wanted. However, I fear that if we did that right now without help, there may be disastrous results. I very much feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis at 30. Unsung Lullabies covers some of the reasons for why that may be so, and I can't wait to get to that chapter.
Is this what they call a "teaser?"
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I Voted!
At least that's what my sticker says. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I wasn't under a party affiliation though I had asked to be registered under one. So I didn't get to vote for the Presidential primaries. However, Florida may get slapped on the wrist (or more appropriately maybe - punched in the face) for having their primaries so early that Democrats may not even allow their votes to count. Joy. It's not the voters' fault that the legislature wanted to move up the primaries. sigh. Sometimes I feel almost as helpless in politics as I do in this whole infertility business. Although I did at least get to vote on the inclusion of a possible tax amendment for the big day.
OK, I've got to change the subject QUICK before I bum myself out! I got Unsung Lullabies in the mail today! Finally! Don't worry. I'll have the intro and first chapter finished long before my update on Saturday. I'm a fast reader and am very interested in this book.
Other than that, life is pretty slow right now. I can't seem to get everything done around the house that I'd like to, but that's nothing new. Tell me again why I have to work? Oh yeah.. that money thing. Right.
OK, I've got to change the subject QUICK before I bum myself out! I got Unsung Lullabies in the mail today! Finally! Don't worry. I'll have the intro and first chapter finished long before my update on Saturday. I'm a fast reader and am very interested in this book.
Other than that, life is pretty slow right now. I can't seem to get everything done around the house that I'd like to, but that's nothing new. Tell me again why I have to work? Oh yeah.. that money thing. Right.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Knitting My Cares Away
Well... not really, but it's worth a try. A brief break from the angst in our home...
A scarf I finished for my sister. I loved the feel of it. I knitted it with angel hair yarn from Joann's. I hope she likes it! Apparently I can only type in broken or simple sentences right now. Please forgive. ;)
In other Barb obsession news, did anyone watch the Amazing Race finale? DH and I love that show and are so stoked that 3 teams we liked made it to the final leg. I'd love to be on it, but I don't think I could handle those cameras all the time. We toy with the idea of entering our video a lot.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Working Through It
Updated at bottom for Unsung Lullabies post link!
Before I get into it, can you see why I want a baby with that man? Thanks so much for your sweet replies to him everyone. It's a big deal for him to have done that, so I'm so happy to see such a welcoming response from all of you.
I've been pretty mum about the whole Tyra Banks show fiasco but have been meaning to talk about it at some point. Originally I was going to wait until the show aired, but after I saw the nasty bait and switch that occurred, I don't even want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Basically, what happened was that the show put out a request to some infertility support organizations to see if people would be willing to share their stories. However, on the show website, the call for guests was posted in a very different, very sensationalized manner, and the show appears to have been taped in the latter style. In my opinion, it was an unconscionable decision. I can't imagine they would call other chronically ill people to their show merely for ratings (or maybe they would?), but in any case, the many diseases and issues behind infertility deserve more respect than to be mocked on national TV. For a complete rundown on what happened, see this post at BlogHer.
OK, enough about Tyra. I've been ordering more and more info on adoption. We still both think we'll do state adoption, but the lure of the open newborn adoption is very strong. Most of the fuzzy, warm stories you see on TV are about private domestic adoption, and so many people are eager to share with you why state adoption can just be so bad (not that I think that's necessarily a completely accurate portrayal.) As a result, we are still fairly torn on what we'll do eventually. On top of that, the hope of conceiving is still very much alive and strong in both of us. We won't completely give up that hope if we adopt, but at the same time, I think we are currently at the point where it will interfere with us moving forward enough to go through adoption with happy hearts.
Therefore, we have to take this in baby steps and work through it as best we can. One thing that I have meant to do for a long time is to read the book Unsung Lullabies. Time and time again, others refer to it as a book that has has helped them to understand their feelings regarding infertility, and as one that has helped them to move on. The author of Living a New Life with Infertility has thoughtfully offered to run a blog ring reading group of sorts for this book. We will read it in sections and then post our observations at the end of each week. At the bottom of the review post will be a link to the next blog on the list for discussion. I'm very excited to read it with all these other wonderful people, and hope that doing so will help illuminate what I need to learn that much better. If you're interested, please read along.
Before I get into it, can you see why I want a baby with that man? Thanks so much for your sweet replies to him everyone. It's a big deal for him to have done that, so I'm so happy to see such a welcoming response from all of you.
I've been pretty mum about the whole Tyra Banks show fiasco but have been meaning to talk about it at some point. Originally I was going to wait until the show aired, but after I saw the nasty bait and switch that occurred, I don't even want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Basically, what happened was that the show put out a request to some infertility support organizations to see if people would be willing to share their stories. However, on the show website, the call for guests was posted in a very different, very sensationalized manner, and the show appears to have been taped in the latter style. In my opinion, it was an unconscionable decision. I can't imagine they would call other chronically ill people to their show merely for ratings (or maybe they would?), but in any case, the many diseases and issues behind infertility deserve more respect than to be mocked on national TV. For a complete rundown on what happened, see this post at BlogHer.
OK, enough about Tyra. I've been ordering more and more info on adoption. We still both think we'll do state adoption, but the lure of the open newborn adoption is very strong. Most of the fuzzy, warm stories you see on TV are about private domestic adoption, and so many people are eager to share with you why state adoption can just be so bad (not that I think that's necessarily a completely accurate portrayal.) As a result, we are still fairly torn on what we'll do eventually. On top of that, the hope of conceiving is still very much alive and strong in both of us. We won't completely give up that hope if we adopt, but at the same time, I think we are currently at the point where it will interfere with us moving forward enough to go through adoption with happy hearts.
Therefore, we have to take this in baby steps and work through it as best we can. One thing that I have meant to do for a long time is to read the book Unsung Lullabies. Time and time again, others refer to it as a book that has has helped them to understand their feelings regarding infertility, and as one that has helped them to move on. The author of Living a New Life with Infertility has thoughtfully offered to run a blog ring reading group of sorts for this book. We will read it in sections and then post our observations at the end of each week. At the bottom of the review post will be a link to the next blog on the list for discussion. I'm very excited to read it with all these other wonderful people, and hope that doing so will help illuminate what I need to learn that much better. If you're interested, please read along.
Move on to the next post: Assessment of Myself at Living a New Life with Infertility.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
