Just for a Laugh

So I've been having vivid dreams again. I should mention that I dream regularly and on a grand scale. It just so happens that you, dear readers, are privileged enough that I remember my infertility related dream from last night. Here goes:

It started with wandering into a local fertility clinic. When I walked into the waiting room, I was bombarded with the sight and sound of about 8 children ranging in age from infant to12. Their parents were a man and his male partner. One was short and squat and one was tall and thin. For some reason, I could spy on them as they sat in consult with the doctor. Mind you, they only had the infant with them, the other 7 children were wreaking havoc on the waiting room.

It turns out they had adopted all 8 and were looking for a surrogate to carry their biological children. I don't even know if that's possible via a fertility clinic, but in my dream worlds, this is a tame request. Apparently they got news they didn't want to hear because both grimaced in distress and made for the door. That's when the ShortOne laid eyes on me.

He pointed to me and conveyed that he wanted to pay me to be a nanny of sorts (and I'm wondering about the surrogate part as well). So being the sensible girl that I am, I sign up for the job immediately for some extra cash. We all pile into a huge van with me behind the wheel while Tall&Skinny heads off in his nice car alone. They make me drive the van through obstacles of sorts. Why? I have no idea. I just know that at one point I was required to drive in reverse, in deep snow, down a twisty mountain road. Hubster magically appears beside me at this point and scathingly tells me that this is, "no big deal." ShortOne is in the back texting furiously on his B.lackberry and shouting into a cell phone about business deals while trying to hold the crying baby.

When I am finally allowed to drive forward, we head down a rough country road. I stop for directions at one point only to be told that I am on a quest and that I need to keep going. After what seems like hours, we finally find a ramshackle restaurant in the middle of nowhere to give the kids some sustenance. We make our way up the creaky steps only to see Ty P.ennington rushing toward us in welcome; a bandana around his head and his shirtless torso gleaming in the sun. Wait. TY PENNING.TON? Yes. Ty Penning.ton. Even in sleep, I was shocked.

I got all the kids up and ready to go in to eat only to find when I was seated last that all they had left were greasy french fries and hamburgers. When I asked for veggies, Ty pointed to the fries.

Then I woke up. How's that for weird and a lot of hidden messages?

Answers

I'm feeling a little better today, though the spotting continues. I thought I'd answer some of your wonderful questions in a post, then I swear we'll get back to our regularly scheduled programming without so much drama :).

You have a point Fertilize Me. I have been more slack with my diet lately, so that may play a role in the metabolism stuff. And Chips and Yoda wonder if it could be my Synthroid dose as well. I am indeed hypothyroid and was wondering if the symptoms could be due to too high a dose. I'll call my endocrinologist on Monday to discover the results of my blood test and thyroid ultrasound.

Orodemniades definitely hit on one of my concerns when she asked if I had poas (peed on a stick - in other words, had I taken a pregnancy test?). And it just shows how even though I like to pretend I'm well and jaded, those thoughts of a possible pregnancy in almost impossible odds (at least this month) still seep through. I don't know whether to be glad that I'm still not completely jaded, or to be concerned that I can still be that naive. It's such a challenging and ever changing juggling act we do. But to answer her question, yes I did test just to be sure I wasn't pregnant and spotting. The last time I started bleeding while pregnant, the ending was none too happy. And even though it's not my fault, there's still that imp inside that wonders, "If you had made sure to have a progesterone draw earlier, or had agreed to the supplements earlier, you'd be on your way to a baby now." It's completely irrational, but I know those of you who've experienced this can relate.

And a special thanks to Stephanie who is always rooting for me. I will update after I (hopefully) get more answers on Monday. I'm wondering if they'll cancel this IUI cycle if I continue spotting like this.

Something's just not right

First of all, thanks to each and every one of you who have responded with such sweet thoughts and encouragement lately! And Allison asked if they kept me on the same dose. I'm assuming you mean the Femara? If so, yes they kept me on the lowest dose of Femara since I've always responded quickly in the past and with 2 big follicles each time. This time just seems to be quite different from all the others. I'm finished with it now and am waiting for ovulation. I had a very negative OPK today, so who knows how long it will be.

OK, so on to the post title... I just don't feel quite... right. You know what I'm talking about. The body I've inhabited for 30 years has become a comfy (or mostly comfy) shell to which I've become quite accustomed. When that body suddenly starts behaving differently, I feel like I'm not quite myself. I've gone through a lot of this throughout our ttc trials, but I usually know what's causing the disconnect. This time I'm not sure what to blame.

First of all, there's my non-existent period. Just enough to call it a period, but barely. (and I had some spotting again today too.. just for a few hours... on cycle day 12). Secondly, there are my astonishingly high basal body temperatures. What the?? So I'm attaching my chart to show you what I mean exactly.
Also, I've just felt odd. I can't quite describe it. I've been off emotionally and physically. Today started a new thing where I feel incredibly ravenous and start shaking if I don't eat every couple hours, and I'm fatigued quite easily.

Is all this due to the Metformin perhaps? Could my Synthroid increase have been too much? We're still waiting on tsh results to find out for sure. Does anyone have any idea what could possibly be wrong with me?

Update

I had to stay late at work tonight and have been working overtime when it's available. Thus, I'm quite tired, and this update will be brief.

My wonderful wonderful lab tech at the clinic finished my bloodwork. She is quite incredible at what she does. One must never underestimate the importance of a great lab tech or phlebotomist when dealing with a chronic condition. She reduces my stress levels greatly just by being completely competent in her job. It's a nice plus that she's sweet. Of my bloodwork that's already been done, almost all was normal. The one exception was a slightly elevated prolactin level. This is hardly surprising considering I have PCOS, Hashimoto's thyroiditis and was completely stressed out at the first draw; all factors in elevated prolactin. RE wants to redraw later to be sure.

My estradiol today was only 44, and my follies are sad. There are a bunch to be sure, but they are all 8 and under except for one on the left hand side that is a 10. Normally I'm well into the teens by now with at least one. But I knew things weren't going when I didn't feel or see anything indicating that ovulation was near. Of course, now that she's poked around in there, my left side has been aching more like it does pre-O. Oh, and my lining is 8.5 so far. So not terrible news, but not super special either. I monitor myself for any unexpected changes and head back in on Monday for another scan and blood test. I'm only on CD11, so no freaking out yet.

A Glimpse into my Inner Infertility Monologue

OK, so my follicle scan and the rest of that dreaded marathon bloodwork are on for tomorrow morning. In the meantime, I did not have even one day of normal period flow, my basal body temps (bbt) are outrageously high for me for this time in my cycle (Hell, they're even high for my LP!), and I do not feel anything in my ovaries. I usually do at this point. I really doubt I'm pregnant, but in my infertility addled brain, I'm thinking the worst. "Maybe I am miraculously pregnant and the hpt was wrong! Now I've gone and injured my poor baby by downing letrazole like it was candy!"**

The other part of my brain answers, "You aren't pregnant you dolt! You just aren't producing any good follicles and this cycle will have to be canceled. Then you'll be forced to go back to clomid: Drug Spawn of Hell. That's all!"

Seriously. Has anyone had crazy cycles temp and AF wise after Metformin (glucophage)?

________________________________________________________

**(though quite frankly, I could down far more than 5 teeny pieces of candy, so that's a poor analogy)

A little of this and a little of that

So I had my baseline thyroid ultrasound today. It was probably the easiest test I've had in 2 years of testing. They smeared my throat with The Goop and took measurements of my beleaguered thyroid from every angle. I only had one small moment when she nearly gagged me with the darn wand by pressing directly on my Adam's, er, Eve's (?) apple with unnecessary force. I find out the results in a few days.

DearNurse also set up the rest of my bloodwork to be done at the clinic the same day as my big FOLLICLE SCAN! That will be done on Thursday. I finished up the last of my Femara last night, so now it's up to the ovary girls. Little miss righty is always the overachiever, so I'm betting on her. I'm back to charting again, and my temps are doing some crazy things. Let's hope that just means that my meds are doing what they are supposed to.

On a food note; you know that you are successful in your attempts to lower your sugar intake when unsweetened tea is just fine with you, natural, organic lemonade has to be cut half and half with water, and regular peanut butter makes your lips pucker from the sweetness. I find that I actually crave my wonderful, delicious Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter (no sugar added) over the regular stuff! It's especially good on slightly tart organic apples. Mmmmm. I think I'm going to have to compile that post of suggested healthy snacks soon. If you have any you'd still like to sneak in or recommend, please feel free! I may do a recipe one after that. Remember how I mentioned that I'm like Remy? Maybe I'm even worse. How I didn't pick a career in food, I don't know. I suppose another passion trumped that one. (The environment, children, animals and travel are all up there.)

We're off to try a new Mexican place tonight. We've got a great COUPON! Til later all.

I am a very naughty girl.

I had TWO slices of gooey, greasy, oozing, delicious NY style pizza for dinner tonight. I then chased that with 3 malted milk balls from our Halloween stash. AAAAaahhhhh Mmmmmmmmm. It was just me for dinner, and I get one very bad dinner or big dessert during my period. (my rule) I've been craving pizza, and NY style is my favorite in the whole world. Even if I pay for it later, it's going to be sooooooooo worth it. And I don't think one bad dinner ruins all my conception chances.

Do you think the word "naughty" will bring in some unintended traffic? hmm